Hi all, I am very new to this site, so forgive me if I have set the thread up incorrectly or anything that may go wrong lol. So as the title says, ever since I was little I thought i was gay. I always wanted to hold a gay, be with a guy, and have intercourse with a guy. I always watch gay pornography and still do. So here's where the confusion sets in: this summer has been quite the experience, I recently began coming out to people and living my life openly, just not to my parents or family. BUt now for some reason I don't feel like I have in the past. It's not that I do not like guys anymore, and I don't necessarily like women either. I just lack my strong sexual drive that I have had in the past. I'm not sure whether this is due to not holding everything in as I have these past years, or whether I am just stressed, annoyed, anxious etc. I used to want to kiss guys so badly and cuddle with them, but now I can go several days without having theses strong strong urges. I also constantly (every waking moment) literally from the second I wake up and every free moment I have debate in my mind whether I like guys or girls, and because I don't instantly get aroused thinking of a man I confuse myself even more and get upset. But then I think of women and don;t get aroused either which makes me even more upset. I don't know what's wrong with me and it is getting to the point where I don;t want to deal with this anymore, it's just really awful. I guess I'd be lying that I don;t find men attractive that I see day to day, but I don't get as excited as I once did. Maybe I'm just making it more than it is, maybe I;m not. I just needed to get my feelings out. Am I gay, confused, strraight?? Help. Also, when I think about this (which is all the time) I become even more upset that I came out and have to explain to people that I am no longer gay but idk, that's just me being paranoid again. I've never kissed anyone or been intimate with anyone--boy or girl. I am 20 and just--you guessed it--confused with no where to turn. Any comments, advice or anything would be appreciated.:eek::eek::eek::bang::bang::bang::icon_sad::dry:
You could be asexual- you don't experience sexual attraction to anyone. You say you would be lying if you don't find men attractive day to day. Asexual people can find people attractive but not be attracted to them, you catch my drift? For example, I'll see a man and think he's good looking, but I don't get aroused thinking of him naked or in bed with me, and I am definitely not interested in having any sort of sexual experience with him. If you think this description -may- fit you, I suggest you look into it more, this site is very helpful: General FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org I can't see inside your mind, so I can't 'label' your sexuality for you- you have to decide for yourself. Don't stress yourself out trying to find one that fits, though, there are still lots of ways people can feel that don't have words for them yet, if that makes sense. I hope this was even just a tiny bit helpful! EDIT: Just noticed this: "I used to want to kiss guys so badly and cuddle with them, but now I can go several days without having theses strong strong urges." So you still have these urges occasionally? Have you considered it's just that your sex drive fluctuates a lot randomly?
You could possibly be homoromantic, or it could've been hormones when you were younger, making your sex drive a lot more extreme than normal. As you said, you are 20 and puberty has probably done its work and now you are less sexual than before. If you still think about having intercourse with a man, but just not as much, it was most likely hormones. Or, if you never think about intercourse, just kissing or something less erotic, you are most likely homoromantic.
The other answers seem very logical to me, so I'm just gonna say: what if now that you're out and not hiding, maybe you're experiencing some kind of letdown? a phase of lessened sex drive, if that makes sense? give it time. maybe you're just less sexual than you thought.
There's the concept of fluid sexuality which is the concept that sexuality changes on it own without a mental willpower to do so. There's a possibility that you may be becoming asexual. I have a thread about fluid sexuality floating around a bit that can help. I understand what it like to be losing sexuality and becoming asexual.
It seems to be a common thing that once one comes out as gay, suddenly one isn't so sure anymore... I noticed that in myself as well, as if the sex part took a back seat (so to speak) to the need for an emotional connection...does that make sense?
---------- Post added 15th Aug 2013 at 04:41 PM ---------- [/COLOR] Yes exactly!!!!!!! I still do like men but am longing for an emotional connection whereas before it was the oplosite--I wanted a sexual relationship and no emotional connection. I do still want to have sex, but it's not my number one priority. I don't think I'm asexual as well as other posters have mentioned, I still do long for a sexual relationship it's just not quite as strong. I also think it may be stress stemming from not being out to my family. It could be hormones as well, but I do most certainly agree with your post![/QUOTE] ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2013 at 04:45 PM ---------- I do still have these urges, maybe you are right though, my sex drive just fluctuates. It's awful:eek:
