Hello everyone. My name is Norah and I am 22 years old. It's nice to meet you all. For a while now, I've been having problems regarding my orientation, and I'm hoping you all could offer me some guidance. To start, I've been obsessing over my sexual orientation since I was about 20-21 years old (I believe it was May 2011. Around the time when "the world was suppose to end" or something :S ). It all started with this dream I had almost 2 years ago. I dreamt that I was intimate with another woman. I couldn't see a face or anything so I guess you can say it was one of those faceless sex dreams. I woke up the following day and decided to research on why I was having these type of dreams just out of curiosity. To be honest though, I wish I had enough willpower to ignore it and move on with my life like I've done before. Most of the information I came across (like Yahoo answers, several forums, etc.) said to ignore it. However, for some reason I decided to look into the topic (lesbian sex) also out of simple curiosity because I didn't exactlyknow what it was. I, then saw an article and a video on YT which contained pictures that I wasn't expecting. I have to admit that I had that tingly feeling "down there", but afterwards I remember immediately feeling horrible like I had done something wrong. I really regretted it that day and I did everything I could to forget what I saw. Ever since then, I've been in a mental panic of whether or not I've lost my attraction to men. Most of the time I feel like a dark cloud is hanging over my head, but there are times where I feel like my mind is clear and I feel like my old self again. Like I'm happy and feel like I can do stuff with no worries. This lasts maybe a day or two at best though and then I'm back to square one. I've never had a boyfriend before because I have always been shy towards the opposite sex and didn't really know what to do in a relationship. If I were to look at my yearbook right now, I think I was one of the few who didn't date anyone unfortunately ^^; . I'm not really bothered by it, but there were sometimes where I did wish I had a boyfriend, so I could have that fairy tail prom, and/or even a high school sweetheart. Experiencing holidays like Valentine's day in school for instance really stinked because I did feel at times alone. My history regarding "crushes" is that I've had crushes on boys before and still do once in a while. Both in real life and on different types of media (tv, gaming characters, actors, etc.). So, it's not like I haven't expressed any attraction before. Anyone who I ever had a crush on though turned out to be taken, or just wasn't interested in me. I even have history about extensive daydreaming about them too if this helps. I never had a crush on a girl though before. When I was in high school and in college, I did think some were pretty, but it was like watching America's next top model, where you see a model walk down the runway in a pretty dress lol! Something like that... I was never uncomfortable with women in general, and I always thought of them as friends, but now since I've had this obsession over my sexuality, I feel like I am. I don't feel happy or like me when I picture myself with a woman and when it comes to sex, I don't think I could go through with it. I really don't know what to do anymore because ever since that day it just seems like my life has completely changed. And it's starting to become uncomfortable going outside and surrounding myself with others. I sometimes even have thoughts saying that certain people are attractive and it feels uncomfortable like . I find myself mentally fighting back and forth about my orientation. And I've told myself many times that I'm still heterosexual, but I feel like my mind is making me doubt myself. It's gotten to a point where I have relied on many people for advice. For instance, I have written to many psychics (who were highly rated in their community) if they would see me with anyone in the future, and they all said that I would meet a man someday. I didn't tell them all of this though in the beginning because I didn't think it would matter. But once I found out, I felt so happy, and excited about what could be ahead. I even bugged my mom about it so many times haha. Before I forget.. there is one man who I came across online that I sort of have a crush on. He's really attractive and nice. And most of the time I find myself smiling whenever he's online (I really hope I didn't sound too creepy :S ). And whenever he comments on the things I post, I'm like :icon_redf and excited. I told my dad about my crush a few days ago and for some reason it felt nice. I know I'm 22 years old, but there were a couple of times where I also wanted to email a friend about him, but ended up deciding not too. However, there's this constant doubt that's lingering in my head, and it's completely annoying. It's like it's driving me away from this and it sucks to be honest. What do I do? Did my curiosity change my sexuality? How do I make these thoughts go away? And the obsession to stop? I really want to date men like this boy I have a crush on someday when I'm a bit more confident, but I don't want to hurt anyone. I just don't understand because when I was in middle/high school; I never showed any interest towards women in any way. And according to some responses I've read, that's when you're suppose to figure out your orientation. Any help is appreciated and please be honest! I would really like to put this behind me so I can move on with my life. Thanks for reading this and I apologize for making this post so long!! Take care everyone!:smilewave
Apart from you being a girl and me being a boy, your story resonates with me a lot. I am 29 and slowly coming to the realisation that I'm at least bisexual and maybe more gay than bisexual. I love women and their smell, kissing them, holding them, holding their hand and sharing inntimacy with them but lately I've found my self just not having that raw sexual attraction like I want to jump on them. All the while this feeling has increased with regard to men. What I'm trying to say to you is forget that your supposed to figure out your orientation when your in your teens. Its not something that works like clockwork and certainly not something you can control. Acceptance is all you can hope for whether things work out the way you want them to or not (i.e. you are straight, gay or anything inbetween (or around!)). It may take you years to accept these feelings, be comfortable with them and own them. You say you want to move on with your life....I'm sorry to tell you but this is your life. This is an important part of your life though it is not your WHOLE life. Patience and bravery is what you need to confront a reality you might not be comfortable with. Over time you may become more comfortable with the idea of being with a woman intimately and until you reach that point you will never truly know what it is you want. Patience. This is the best advice I can offer.
Well, it sounds to me like you're mainly straight, but possibly bi-curious. ever heard of it? Since looking things up about sexuality seems to stress you out, I'll say--very generally--that basically you sound attracted to men but *curious* about relationships with women. Doesn't mean you are attracted to women. And if you are, even slightly, it's not worth freaking out over, I don't think. When I starting thinking about all this, I did probably my fair share of overthinking/overanalyzing, but basically, it pays to have an open mind. Think, "well I know I like guys but women interest me. maybe just on some level that has nothing to do with sex." If you can just think along those lines, maybe you can just let things take their course. You do seem rather determined not to like women, which is why I suggest taking a step back because whatever you decide there's nothing wrong with it. I say try to just accept whatever you are right now--maybe you're curious, maybe it's something else you're trying to deny--but it shouldn't get in the way of your life. Maybe you're just curious, in which case--be curious! and don't stress about it! Calm down, let things run their course. S'okay.
Is smell a defining factor though? Everyone smells different, but cologne wise imo every girl n guy thinks guy Cologne smells better... Is this not generally true? Whenever a girl or guy walks around I smell the dude usually n not the girl n I dont get turned on but i think fuck I wish I smelled like that or had that cologne at times.. its not to say girl perfume smells bad I just dont see how smell is a defining factor.
I'm 23 and i have never been with anyone either. I had a crush on a guy in high school but nothing strong and i have felt very close to a couple of girls, also in high school but i never really felt any attraction for anyone. I decided to stop overthinking it, i just go on with my life, noticing both attractive girls and guys and waiting for that moment where everything will be clear. I think it's the best way to go through these interrogations.
I just don't feel comfortable with it and it's not something I want my future to be. I have tried to picture myself with a woman before, but the feelings were like . Pardon me if I sound like a jerk, but I never smiled, giggled, or even enjoyed the thought of it. I would be disappointed and so would some people I know. Romance wise I'd rather be with a man. I'm not sure what I would be like with a man sexually though since my confidence is pretty low and I'm not the "most attractive person the block". @BlueTowel: Thank you. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I don't like the word "label", but do you know what I am? Am I bisexual too? Patience will be a problem since I'm pretty much an impatient person, but I will try my best. @poison53sumac: I have heard of bi-curious. But, I never met one before. As immature as this is going to sound, I'm just afraid that I'm turning gay. And I think that is what's keeping me from having an open mind. I really want to say that I have a crush on this guy, but my mind is making me doubt myself. And I have fear that I'm going to hurt people (emotionally). It's almost like this one time where I wanted to work a clothing store and once it came time to put in an application, I backed away. I will 100% try my best this time to keep an open mind, but what do I do about this crush I have? Do I just leave it alone? Thank you all for the replies! It really means a lot! <3 And it's starting to help now that I can talk about this. I apologize if I sound like a jerk or immature. I'm very accepting of others, but when it comes to myself... it's a different story.
