Over the past few months I have gone through the process of coming out to myself and now I am almost totally sure that I am gay. I am still in the closet with regard to other people and my biggest fear is coming out to other people but then realising later that I am not gay (this might sound really stupid, but I am really paranoid). I have had dozens of crushes on men (and I currently have a massive crush on a guy) and I have only had a total of three crushes on girls. Furthermore, in retrospect, I don't think these were even crushes (as I never had a sexual attraction to any of them) but just my desire to become friends with other intellectual high achieving students (I don't have many friends). I had a few dates of these girls but it felt more like going out as friends and not as dates. Looking at other sexual indenting threads here, it seems that people are confused because they have had feelings for both sexes. I'm almost 100% sure that I'm gay but I'm worried that my acceptance of my homosexuality has lead me to repress any feelings towards women (this might sound confusing, but whats going through my mind is soemthing like this: "after accepting (by considering the evidence for it) that I might be gay, any subsequent feelings for women arent really relevant"). These feelings, when they present themselves aren't particularly strong, just to clarify. I'm not confused about whether I'm gay or straight, but whether I'm gay or bisexual. I definitely know that I'm not totally straight but I really want to clarify for myself whether I'm gay or bisexual. I've never felt any really strong sexual attraction to women (compared to the attraction I have to men) and I've tried to imagine how i would respond dating a woman and its I have always been ambivalent to the idea at best (even before I accepted that I was not straight). It has only been with my latest (and biggest) crush on a guy that have I felt that I can have an emotional attraction to men ( I have always been sexually attracted to men). I suppose this is because I couldnt accept the idea of an emotional attraction without acknowledging that I'm gay. I suppose a simplified version of this extended question is whether when I look at a women and remark to myself that she is attractive, is this purley an objective statement or do I have a sexual attraction to the same woman? This is the first time I have posted on emptyclosets.com and the first time ever communicating these thoughts so I am having difficulty expressing exactly what I'm trying to convey. This whole question must seem pedantic but I just want to be absolutely sure (without any doubt at all) about my sexuality even though I feel as though I am 99% there.
Being able to determine that a woman is attractive doesn't really indicate any sexual attraction. I'm 100% gay and I can easily tell that a woman is attractive *as my culture defines it*. There is an entire multi-billion dollar industry devoted to telling us what features and products combine to make an 'attractive' woman (or man). It's also perfectly possible to be able to tell that a flower is pretty or that a sunset is beautiful or whatever. But I'd bet you'd never consider having sex with either of them. For me, at least, women fall into pretty much the same category. I also concluded I was gay based on the evidence btw. I had never felt any sexual attraction toward a woman. You could pretty much march six months worth of Playboy/Penthouse centerfolds through the room stark naked and I wouldn't have felt the least bit of desire. But when a guy hit on me in the lockerroom (and I figured out what he was doing), and we did stuff, and then I only wanted to do stuff with guys, that seemed pretty conclusive. Hope this helps, Todd
