Hey there! I wanted to share with you kind folks a peculiar situation I am currently faced with. I am an eighteen year old guy from Southern California. Growing up, I never really acknowledged my own sexuality or sexual interests. When I was younger, I masturbated to women (which I thought at the time I wanted); However, after being introduced to sex (and learning first hand that I DO NOT LIKE THE VAGINA) I feel almost betrayed; that I was led-on to believe a fantasy or fairytale (something I must have taught myself at a young age). I had a pretty reserved childhood, so I never really explored my sexual options. Over this summer (after a few failed experiences with girls), I realize that I don't want to be with women sexually or romantically; and yet, I still find myself masturbating to them... After I ejaculate, I am filled with utter feeling of disappointment, shame, and disgust. I immediately after watch gay porn to change the feeling that I have been encumbered by. What frustrates me, is my reoccurring habit, and my inability to masturbate to gay porn -even though I find the men so hot. Why can't I let go of this fantasy in my mind? "This is the girl! This time you will like it... etc,. etc,." I have searched the web for something like this... and I have yet to find anything. I know that I am not bisexual; and the women I masturbate to, do bare similar qualities. I lost my mother at a young age and I may be trying to fill the void... But this habit and mental block is really interfering with my new longing to explore my true gay self. Does anyone have any similar stories or advice they can give me? Is this common? -Bowie WTF :icon_wink
Well, I wouldn't go by the ability or inability to get off to a particular kind of porn to determine whether or not you are gay. The important thing here you've already said: This leaves no question in my mind that you're gay.
Maybe it's just habit. Do you masturbate to stills of naked women? Straight porn? If the latter, do you focus on the girl, or the guy? Porn is not a good indicator of your sexuality anyways.
It is always straight porn. My focus is on the man (admiring his physique, personality, qualities I like, etc.). But I can never ejaculate to him, only when I look at the woman... And, I when I ejaculate to her, I am almost feeling like I am doing it to humiliate her; like I don't like the woman (perhaps for being with the man), so I associate "coming" with this negativity... I feel almost guilty for this misogynistic practice. I want to be with a man, I know this. But again, the porn habit and negative association is really frustrating me.
Maybe lay off porn for a while. This seems like an issue that would be better discussed with a psychiatrist.
