So when I was in earlier elementary school I use to cuddle naked with my guy neighbor (never kissed or anything), but we knew each other since the crib and would be put in baths together. But looking back I was definitely not just friends with him but until recently I never thought about that, at all. I had huge crushes on girls too when I was little but never even kissed a girl till the summer after 8th grade. The second time I got head was from a guy I had a crush on when I was 16. I was in the rave scene, so the trend was to say you were bi. Although, his dad walked in and said he'd kill me if I ever saw his son again. That 2 week thing was the only time I was with a guy, but I was still a virgin so we never had sex. That threat combined with the rumors about me now going around school led to me hooking up with a lot of girls and I loved it. I was sure at the time, the bi stuff was me falling into the hype. Who doesn't love how pussy feels and honestly, I've loved a girl before. Through out college I was a happy and wanted a serious gf so bad. It wasn't till I was 21 and I was putting together an event for my job that involved working with dancers and I developed a crush incredibly fast for one of the guy dancers who was openly gay. It took me by surprise and a rush of everything I have just told you came off the back burner in the front of my mind. I stopped hanging out with him once I saw where it was going, the idea scared the shit out of me. But now I feel with everyday that passes, I think I'm gay. If someone calls me gay as a joke, my reaction makes the situation awkward. I can't play along. I still date girls and I still get nervous but I've only been with one girl my entire life that I didnt lose all my feelings for after having sex with them. That being said, we were on and off for 3 years, mostly because of me. My longest period with her was 4 months before breaking up. I still talk to her though and I know I will always love her. Am I gay, or is she the Rachel to my Ross and I just can't seem to love anyone else? Don't get me wrong, today I saw a really hot girl at the mall and my first thought was, I'd love to do her, and of course if I were put into a situation where I had to interact with her on a daily basis. Id deff develop a crush. Latley though when a girl talks to me, all I hear is what she wants me to say and if I were to say that stuff, I'd feel like Im manipulating someone to sleep with me. My favorite porn is of a girl. Although Ive gotten off to a guy doing the same thing. I hate girl on girl porn and obvs love regular porn, the bigger the guy, the better, but if the chicks not hot i cant watch. Once in awhile Im in the mood to bring my ass into the equation with myself but literally only a few times a year. The idea bottoming terrible, I am the type of person who like to be in control. Although giving head although "weird" doesn't seem too bad. I also love anal sex with girls. No matter what I always have a guy who fills that best friend spot no matter where I go. I don't even try, it just happens. If I have more than one guy friend, I still prefer 1 on 1 time with them as far as hanging out goes. This doesn't happen so much with girls, if it does, I definitely dont find the girl attractive. I always dream about the future, but a girl is never in it, but having children are. Im just so confused right now. If you think I'm bi, dont even respond because the reason I think I like girls is because its how i was raised and all that. If this were a time period where everyone was gay, and therefore straight was "weird" would I be talking about thinking I'm straight? I can't tell what I'm suppose to do.
Sexuality is a large spectrum. If we were to measure it from 1 to 100, with one being "100 % Straight" and 100 being "100% Gay", anything that falls in-between could be more or less interpreted as "Bisexual", or "Bi-curious". Attraction can also be divided into two: Emotional (Romantic) Attraction, and Sexual Attraction. You're having sex with girls, and seem to be enjoying it even if you don't feel any particular emotional attraction to the girl. Since you say that you believe that your attraction to girls is because of social conditioning (I believe the same thing regarding my early attraction to girls as well, although mine was strictly emotional and not sexual), then maybe your sexual attraction towards girls will diminish as you get used to the idea of being with guys, or maybe it won't. In either cases, there's nothing wrong with that. If anything, you are not straight that's for sure, but I wouldn't say that you are 100% Gay based on what I've read, yet. That might change if you allow yourself to be with guys both romantically and sexually, but right now you seem somewhat afraid to do so (referring to the story with the dancer and how you seem afraid that people might find out). It's essentially the 5 stages of griefs. As you learn to be more comfortable with yourself, and if you're willing to experiment, then you'll come closer to finding out where you really fall on the spectrum of sexual orientation.
This is very true, although there are people who say they are 100% straight and love messing around with guys. Now they could be telling the truth, but we will never know. You could be straight, or just bi. Right now id say you are questioning or bi-curious. Honestly, give it time, you will find out eventually. Everyone finds their sexuality at some point. Some earlier than others.
My information, don't make it a number one crisis, you could be bi, or your mind could be fucking with you. I agree with Hefiel, i would more likely isolate with a certain gender for a while an compare feelings like you have. If you feel like girls are your main thing over time and find guys repulsive, thats great. You could be heteroflexible where you are straight but don't mind fucking a dude or once in a while find guys attracive. Or homoflexible where you are kinda gay, but don't mind fucking girls and have no emotional connection, or just find them attractive once in a while Ha, labels, don't worry too much about it, as time goes on you'll find the answers you're seeking, but more likely your flexible or some other term i dont understand
Well, I'm going to respond anyway. I do think you're bisexual. You being "raised" to like women still wouldn't put those natural feelings into your mind about hooking up with them. I certainly can flirt with a girl, but my desires for them don't go beyond that point. For me to believe that you didn't somehow have an attraction to a female, the explanation I would have been looking for was.. "well, I do it, but I don't like it" You seem to enjoy a sexual thought or encounter with both sexes, but you feel more passionate times with men. Could it be the adrenaline? I used to love that when I would hook up with straight/curious friends growing up. And the first segment of your story (life) seemed a lot like mine. My first thought was of me embraced with another boy from the age of 5.. Since I can remember, I've always liked guys. I started to develop a crush on a girl in maybe... 4th grade, (girls have wonderful personalities and embody something that I want in a guy as far as being in tune with emotions) and all I can remember coming from that was that the boy I was dating basically at that age got pretty upset with the idea that I had a crush on her and I ended up making him a love letter to get him to take me back and to know that I only wanted him. I've thought about that a lot growing up wondering if I was somehow coerced into liking men more than it being a natural feeling..and the only thing that came to mind was.. he wasn't my first guy. I tried dating a girl in 8th grade, just didn't work. I had none of those feelings that you have about sleeping with them or admiring their bodies outside of visual. Obviously, you know yourself more than I know you, but it does sound like you're interested in both sexes. Not equally exactly, but it's there. And what it sounds like you don't like about women is when their behavior isn't up to par with what you want. That doesn't mean that there's a disconnect with all of them. The thing that strikes me the most with you is that you know what a "hot" girl is, you enjoy straight porn and need both elements to get off, that being a handsome guy and a girl in the equation and you also believe in isolation when it comes to men. (I only deal with my friends in this way. I can't stand bravado and bullshit. My straight guy friends have a special bond with me because it's a lot more interpersonal than their other guy friends) I know you can't stand the notion of being bi because you feel like you've been using that as a cover up, but that may very well be your identity for now. And I think you should be less concerned with your title and just love people for who they are and how they make you feel when you're with them. Good luck bro!
