Today my parents picked me up at my apartment and we went to visit my brother, who lives with his girlfriend and (right now) her parents. I thought it would be fun...I was wrong. I just felt really out of place. There were my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, and his parents...all straight cisgender people in hetero relationships. And then there was me. The "girl" with spiky hair, camo print cargo pants, and a black men's t-shirt with the name of a taekwondo tournament on it. I almost pass as a guy without even trying. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but I felt really out of place. I wish it didn't matter, or that I'd never have to come out, that everyone would accept me no matter what...I just want to be me, without feeling different. Without worrying all the time about who knows, or what people are thinking, if they figured it out...does it ever get easier?
oh dear, let me give you a sincere e-(*hug*) and tell you i've felt just as out of place as you have - sat in a room of people unlike me - only for slightly different reasons, but sentiments are the same. unfortunately, this world is not perfect. no action has a guaranteed successful or unsuccessful outcome, but a combination of both. i know those feelings all too well, it's like a waiting game, it's near impossible for me to sit in a room filled with relatives who i know may one day take a disliking toward me. does it ever get easier? Yes. yes yes yes. how? love yourself. know that you are are a wonderful soul who deserves not to feel out of place, but instead comfortable in your own skin and accepted by yourself (and others). i have tried to adopt this approach, rather than trying to change others, and while the results are not perfect (nothing in this world is), it helps me get by.
thank you...(*hug*) What made it worse was my mom was talking about how she added a pretty distant relative on facebook (I think she was doing something similar to ancestry.com and found him), and deleted him when she found out he was gay. For the past few days I've kept thinking "well at least my mom would be accepting." I guess not. I was just sitting there next to her trying not to show any reaction in this room full of what I kept catching myself calling "normal" people...:icon_sad:
