Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm hoping some of you would help me out with something I've been trying to figure out for years. Thank you so much. So I've had feelings for girls for really as long as I can remember. Like ever since four and ive years old, I'm 17 btw. I think I've always felt more attatched to them, and I've always been more invested in them. But when I was little, I never thought much of it. Then when I hit 12 I realized these feelings might be something more than I thought. It started out with female teachers, that over the course of the year, I developed pretty decent crushes on them, at least for a little kid. And it used to only be teachers, never girls my own age. But then at 13 I had a huge crush on a girl that was actually my own age. That was a little weird for me, cuz I never had that before. Long story short, I told her I liked her and she turned out to be straight and the friendship fell through. Thats happened with pretty much every girl I've liked from then until now. And it never fails to send me into deep depression, and lasting anywhere from a month to two years depending on the girl. Now to the other side of that. I've dated more guys than I can count. Like probably twenty plus. And I like them and all, but they hardly last more than a month. Mostly because I don't feel any REAL feelings for them. I don't get the butterflies, or the feelings of love that everyone else talks about. But it's not like I'm incapable of feeling cuz I always feel horrible breaking up with them, but at the same time I've never been depressed over a guy like I have been for a girl. I just dont feel it... And as far as like music, tv, etc I always think about a girl when I listen to it. For me, it just doesn't feel right if I relate it to a guy. And anything I do, most of the time It's intended to impress a girl but I always end up impressing a guy instead -_- But the thing is I'm SO insecure about that part of me. In fact I've kept this whole thing to myself cuz I just hate talking about it so much, im so so insecure. Like in my head, its fine theres no problem with it. But talking about it out loud, Im so uncomfortable. And i dont know how to fix it. And Ive had a few lesbian friends and they all say it just feels right, like it just feels natural. They say for them, talking about guys made them uncomfortable. So since its not natural for me yet and Ive known this part of me for so long, I thought maybe I wasnt bisexual. But then I realized that girls are the only ones that can turn me on, incredibly. And their the only ones I ever get invested in, even thought i always get my heart broken. So Im just really confused... Could I be lesbian..? Or am I just bi and I lean towards girls more? Cuz im attracted to them, but not a whole lot. And sexually they dont turn me on. I've never been with a girl but I just know that that would be the thing that make me feel complete. I dont wanna be lesbian, but Im scared I might be...Any advice? Thank you so much and sorry this is so long lol
It seems that you like women more than men from what you wrote, I think that you may be having trouble with it because you don't feel comfortable calling yourself gay. You don't have to call yourself anything though, labels are restrictive in nature and sexuality is much more complex than that. Do you feel like you could seriously be in a relationship with a man in the future? Now how about with a women? Do both seem ideal or just one or the other? No one can tell you what you really are only you can, but from what you've wrote, it doesn't seem like you have much desire to be with men and that you are way more interested in women. So if I had to label it I would say you're most likely gay, but like I said only you can really decide how to describe your attractions.
