Ok. So I've been reading all sorts of threads on this forum over the past few months. And I decided to post. - For as long as I can remember, I've always fantasized about males sexually - I've never fantasized about females and have never felt any attraction towards females sexually, I'm just not interested. I don't like when people talk about sex. * I developed feelings for a straight friend (both emotionally and sexually) which lasted for at least 3 years. I was attracted to him. I fantasized about him. My life would revolve around him (in a way) and it seemed as if my happiness and self-worth was determined by our time spent together. I took things pretty personal here. My friend had no idea about my feelings at this point, noone did. Needless to say, I was heavily suppressing my emotions and desires day after day.* ** I have not been in a real relationship before with anyone. I also have not been with anyone sexually. I came out early 2012 due to extreme duress and frustration due to my feelings for this person. There was no other option.** My question/struggle - Since I haven't been with a girl before, I am questioning the certainty of my sexuality. I literally came out solely on the fact of sexual fantasy and my strong feelings towards my straight friend. At the time, it just made sense. All I wanted to do was hold him and be happy. And I couldn't, I suppressed my true self for years. Can anyone else relate??
You don't need to have experimented with girls or boys to know if you're attracted to them or not. You've said it yourself that you never felt any attraction towards females, so now I'm wondering, what exactly is making you reconsider the certainty of your sexuality?
Hi Nowhere but Up, welcome to EC! Good for you for finally posting. Hefiel is completely right, you don't need to involve a woman to test the waters. Your attraction for one man, on both sexual and emotional dimensions is enough to know that you are gay, and probably more than most who have come out to themselves. I think quite often people dismiss their feelings, trivialize them a little, as if they don't count. The language of the heart is subtle and idiosyncratic, it's a language only you can understand, as long as you are willing to take what it says seriously.
