1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Having a hard time identifying my orientation.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Laurel Alice, Aug 20, 2013.

  1. Laurel Alice

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    For the record, I'm a 19 year old female. Over the past two years, I've just been really confused on what I want/need out of relationships and especially my sexual orientation. I recently left my second heterosexual relationship (the first was long distance with no physical contact), and I've never had any sort of relationship or physical contact with a female. And now, why I feel so confused:


    I like the idea of a hetero marriage with kids and a dog with a white picket fence.
    I find men attractive/cute/hot/etc.
    I didn't like kissing or cuddling with my ex.
    I feel like I easily connect with guys on a friendly level, but I've found that I feel uncomfortable moving that point. That being said, I have no male friends whom I regularly hang out with.
    I love hanging out with girls (and I often blew off my ex to hang out with my female friends).
    I feel uncomfortable/disgusted watching heterosexual sex scenes in movies/tv/porn/etc, but turned on when watching sex scenes with women.
    My sexual fantasies involve women.
    I don't know how I feel about being in a homosexual relationship long term (i.e. marriage).


    I have a hard time labeling myself because I actually haven't had any physical contact with a woman, and no sexual contact whatsoever. Who knows, I may actually hate it. Long story short, I'm having a hard time identifying my orientation, and I could really use some help or advice, or really anything you've got. I don't know how relevant all the information above is, but yeah. Feels.
     
  2. Parsley

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It doesn't sound like you're very confused about the physical side of a homosexual relationship. You seem pretty clear that you are not fond of physical contact with a man, and that hetero sex is unappealing. You said your fantasies involve women so that seems to indicate that at the very least you find the idea of a physical relationship with one appealing. You don't need to have experience to know your orientation. Experience might make things even more clear to you, but it is not necessary. Straight individuals don't need to have sex to know they're straight. But remember that there is no rush to label yourself. Why don't you explore your feelings for women? You don't have to suddenly start screaming "I'm a lesbian!!!" from rooftops. You can go out and try to figure out your feelings and see where they lead.

    The only part of your orientation you seem conflicted on is a long term relationship/marriage. You stated that you like the idea of a heterosexual marriage. and that you were unsure about a homosexual one. Okay, I think that's a normal thing to question and think about. What is it about a homosexual marriage that you are unsure of? Why do you think it would need to differ from that white picket fence image you have in your mind of a heterosexual marriage?
     
  3. Kamina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Coming from a person who has never been in a relationship with a man or a woman I can tell you that if you think you like women, it doesn't matter whether or not you've had a relationship yet. To tackle your points:

    -My personal opinion is that society programs is to desire the white picket fence life you described. But we are not programed to realise that it can exist with a homosexual partner.
    -I also can find men attractive. I realised after realising my sexual orientation that while I find them attractive I'm not really attracted to them. I learned what was attractive in a guy, I never used to be able to tell if he had nice arms of whatever... I still don't really get arms or asses on men...
    -I never really had the desire to cuddle with guys
    -One of my closest friends is a guy. Guys don't play the "I don't like them today" game
    -Girls are awesome (when they aren't playing the "I don't like them today" game)
    -I do not understand what is attractive about a penis... I just don't..
    -well that's a good indicator
    -well you've never considered it before. When you were little, kissing was gross and boys had cooties. Now you date them! Give it some time.

    That was a mix of advice and personal experience that may or may not be helpful.... I can't tell you how you're going to feel 6 months from now but your concerns are a lot like mine when I was first questioning. Right now I totally get what you mean about not being sure because you've never had a relationship with a woman but if you know... well, you know!

    You're almost the same age as I am and I would just say be open! If a guy asked me out on a date, seeing as I'm tightly closeted, I would probably go for the experience but I'm personally not going to be searching for that kind of relationship. I would jump at the chance to be with a girl tho.

    Honestly, click around here and don't put too much pressure on youself. Check out the rest of the world wide web too, it's a liberating place! You don't need to make a decision now or ever if that's what suits you. Sexualfluidity is a thing, as is bisexuality, and pansexuality, and the various other variations I can't think of right now. Explore and just be yourself. If you want to look at a girl's boobs and it feels good, do it! ...discretely, not awkward and creeper like. :lol:

    Hope that helps, drop me a line if you want to talk!
     
    #3 Kamina, Aug 20, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2013
  4. Jeneric

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2013
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    LOL me neither. They're just not.

    If you get caught just be all, "THAT SHIRT IS SOOOO CUUUUUTE!"

    Like others have said, just go with it. If you find a cute girl you like maybe have a go. Also, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different. Maybe the people you want to...do aren't the people you want to be in a relationship with.
     
  5. Kamina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    IKR?? :lol:

    All the time! Also if a girl has really short shorts :grin:
    My mother caught me (awkward!!! :icon_redf) and so I just commented that her shorts were really short and she needed longer ones... my mother agreed (!)

    Agreed^
     
  6. lowkey

    lowkey Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Gender:
    Male
    From someone in a similiar situation, I don't think everyone quite gets that your eyeballs n mind can n may see the most beautiful person to yourself in the world, but it doesnt mean you will get aroused. Doesn't make you in denial or against homosexual marriage, but sometimes you yourself know what you want. I want a girl because of there personality and beauty. Men I find arousing, not so much hot
     
  7. Laurel Alice

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I don't think that it would need to differ at all, I just think I never saw myself ending up in a lesbian relationship. It also could be that I've never had a friend or family member in a homosexual relationship, so it doesn't necessarily feel "normal" to me. Part of this could also come from my family and friends (75% of which are Christian), and my fear of being judged by them. It was never really an option I considered before.


    This has only happened to me once. My neighbor literally has perfect hips/butt/legs/everything, though I'm not attracted to her. I still don't know what I find attractive about women, or my "type."


    We should start a club.
     
  8. haterade

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    How would a long term heterosexual relationship work if you don't like sex with men? I mean, you would both end up pretty frustrated. It seems to me that you should definitely explore more with women because you might be pleasantly surprised when it is not what you expected. I feel like you have these preconcieved ideas of what being with a woman is like, but there are sooo many out there and dating each one would be a completely different experience, just as it is with men.
    I understand the part about being uncomfortable. But you will never know unless you try