I'm a girl. I love my girl friend. But I'm not attracted to girls. I like boys.

I've been trying to search the web about my very complex situation but I can't seem to find a story or situation that I could relate with exactly.

I studied in an all girls school and had difficulty making friends. One day in 4th grade, I had to cut my hair short because the weather was hot and one of the most popular girls in class noticed and started announcing that she had a crush on me. I was not attracted to her, but I loved the idea that everyone now wanted to be my friend. (Being a tomboy was "cool" in grade school) For some reason after, I dated a lot of girls but none of them became my girlfriend until one girl decided to court me. Take note that I was the "boy" in the relationship. I finally agreed out of peer pressure and then I started to love her.

This was rather interesting because when school was on-going, I loved the girl I was dating but during summer, I was extremely attracted to a guy ever since. He and I liked each other at different time (when he liked me, i didn't like him. when i like him, he didn't like me)

In high school when it was no longer "cool" be a tomboy, so I became straight. I started going out with guys from another school. None official. Just dating. This worked out well until the last year before college.

I fell in love with a girl in my class. We would have the most interesting conversations and we just had a bond. Especially because I went through something academically, and so did she. Long story short, she became my girl friend. This was a secret and none of our friends know about it.

I tried to break things off with her because of my faith in christianity, and because i didn't want to hurt my parents but she was just there for me until suddenly, I gave in. Now we promise forever with each other, even if no one. not a single soul knows about us. it has been more than 5 years.

now my real question is... I'm not sure if I'm gay. You see, I love her to bits. I love my girl friend but I'm just not attracted to girls. I enjoy making love to her, and i think she is gorgeous but sexually, I look for a mans body.

I love my girl friend, but I like boys. I am not attracted to other girls. Just my girl friend.

Does that make me a lesbian? Am I gay? Please help me out. I badly want to figure myself out.

 

I find girls pretty, but not enough to want to have sex with them. More like I appreciate their beauty. It's the bond that I have with them that makes me want to enter into a relationship with them.

When my girlfriend and I are in bed, we "make love" more than "have sex". It's kind of lame, but yeah. I see it as a form of expression more than lust. Although, I'm not going to lie. She's my first encounter so it is possible that there is lust in the process.

Extremely appreciate your question. It really does help out.

---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2013 at 10:33 PM ----------

With the guys I dated, it more like I wanted to have what others had? I mean, I am surrounded by heterosexual couples and it definitely feels good to not worry about holding your partners hand in public. Also, I just go gaga over guys bodies. Like, my girl friend is so paranoid that i might leave her for a man just because of my physical attraction towards the man's body. Having romantic feelings with the is possible, although nothing comes close to the romantic feeling I have with my girl friend.

---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2013 at 10:36 PM ----------

Truth is, I've never heard of this term before and this is really somewhat enlightening. I'm definitely going to research about this more.

I really appreciate this. More than you will ever know.

 

I appreciate your input. The things is, it is possible for me to believe that I just haven't found the right guy to spend forever with. But to answer your previous question, I do see myself spending forever with my girl friend. No one understands me the way she does, and I am a very complex human being.

I don't think that our sex life is lame. when is said "...It's kind of lame, but yeah." I was referring to calling it "make love" rather than "just sex". I am very satisfied when we make love. Do I wish the maybe another guy enters the door? Maybe. HAHAHA but while I do think of sex as an expression of love, sometimes you yearn for this sense of lust that I find when I look at semi-naked men. Hahaha.

But I'd just like to put on the record that although this only received a few responses, I really do appreciate it and it is definitely helping me sort myself out.

So... THANK YOU!!!