Hello everyone, I'm InfiniteColour and I'm in need of a bit of support and some opinions on my life long situation. If you would mind reading this and letting me know what you think, that would be so much appreciated thank you! Good evening Forum readers, I'm a female, 17 years old and have been contemplating the idea of being lesbian or bisexual for at least four years now. From grades three until now I've had ten boyfriends, I went through them all quickly to say the least. Apart from two who I remember really adoring until my family and I moved so I had to leave them behind. I also remember in grade three our class had a really pretty intern student and I admired her a bunch. I remember being fascinated by women's breasts. I hope that doesn't sound creepy, I want to be entirely honest. I didn't stare, sometimes I would glance, maybe that's natural, I don't know. Anyhow, when I became ten years old I found myself liking to focus on the women in Disney movies, I always thought they were much more pretty then the men. Then I became thirteen and I dated a couple guys who I made out with etc. and it felt really good. It was fun. Another time I went to this dance and a guy started dancing with me, we ended up grinding and he kissed me, but I felt gross. You know? Like, it didn't feel right at all. At thirteen I also made this awesome friendship with a girl, we were so close to eachother, we told each other everything. Then feelings started creeping up on me, we texted often and Id wait impatiently for her to text me, and when she did Id be so excited and happy. When she told me she loved me and sweet dreams (as a friend) my heart skipped a beat and I got butterflies. I didn't know what to make of these feelings, and I began having a hard time talking to her. I tripped over my own words, I never said the right things and eventually we started not talking as much because things became... strange. I finally told her that I thought I was falling in love with her after her asking so many times what the matter was with me.. She was so surprised, she's completely straight and I knew that, but I.. I really don't know what I trying to acheive from that. Our friendship broke apart and we barely talk now. I started getting feelings for another girl a few years older than me, but I never spoke with her about them. I haven't dated anyone since 13. I told myself for a long time that it was because I wanted to wait until university, that I'd had enough with boys. But maybe it's because I wanna date girls that I keep turning guys down who ask me out? Something really troubling to me at the moment is my feelings for a coworker at my part time job. She's gorgeous, and so organized and upbeat. Shes one of those girls who looks like they have it all going on. She has a boyfriend, when I see her I nearly blush now... I sometimes say things like, it's so good to see you, or compliment her. The other day I made she made a mistake and touched my arm with an apology before leaving, it sent shocks right through me and a wad of euphoric butterflies in my tummy. Those things are STRONG! Gee wizz, I almost passed out. Sometimes I wish she wasn't working so I didn't have to deal with the emotions but the other side of me really wants her to be there. First question: What can I do with these emotions to calm them down? Also nowadays, when I see a hot guy, I definitely know it. There's a guy at my school who's awesome with kids, has goals for the future and it a hottie who is super sweet. I find it so confusing to like guys and girls. I don't understand the point of it. I'm pretty sure were supposed to be with only one person so why have feelings for two genders? It's confusing. PS. It doesn't make me uncomfortable to think about either Hetero or homo couples doing anything physical together, I think either would be great. What do you guys think, am I bi, les or straight? Thank you for your time, InfiniteColour
Being bisexual doesn't have a point. Being straight or gay doesn't have a point. You could be 100% straight and still find two guys attractive. Being bisexual just means you might find a guy and a girl attractive. That's as complex as it gets, there's just more to choose from! Anyway. Your boob thing and the Disney women sound typical teen girl, I'm not saying it doesn't indicate something but I think it's fairly common. Your later realisations on the other hand... I'm afraid I can't do much to help you calm them down, sorry, so the first part of your question is out. Second part, you sound bisexual but that's really for you to decide!
Thanks a bunch for your input ElliaOtaku! This is the first time I've ever discussed any sexual feelings anywhere. It felt really nice to write it all out. I am thinking that I'm bi but... If I became sure that I was bi, would there be a point in coming out to anyone I know unless I wanted to date a girl? Thanks again! InfiniteColour
You can come out as bi even if you're dating a man! Coming out is a tool to help you feel more comfortable being who you are around others and venting. So glad you're sharing!
Bisexual is defined differently in your head, I think. I define it as, at one point, you have been attracted to one gender and at another you have been attracted to the other. If you have had feelings for both males and females, then I'd consider you bisexual! However, whether you are or not is up to you! If you like both guys and girls, you aren't bisexual unless you say so. No one has a right to label you. But if you feel like it would help you to tell others that you are lesbian/straight/bi, then why not? So glad you are able to write this out and vent!
Sexuality has a different level of importance to every person. For some it doesn't matter, for others it's a major part of how they see themselves. I for example, came out to my friends because not being able to talk through it was driving me up the wall. I came out to my parents because I wasn't sure how my grandparents would take it if I DID start dating a guy. But I'm not definitely aiming to date a guy next! You don't HAVE to come out unless you aim to date a girl, but as most people will tell you if it will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin then you may wish to anyway!
Thank you everyone! I could imagine that coming out would make me feel more comfortable in my own skin. Especially since just putting a post out here has lifted a weight off of my shoulders I didn't even know I had. The decision to come out is quite a large one. I mean, if/when I come out to my friends and family, I have to be super certain of myself cause it ll probably be pretty shocking for them to hear, and Id want them to believe me. I wouldn't want to take back what I said if I changed my mind because of self doubts. Another question for you all, there are some really important people in my life who are hardcore Christians and follow the King James Bible to the letter as much as possible... One of those really important people is my dearest mentor. I'd consider her so close to me that I could call her my sister. We had a conversation one day about her friend who changed their gender, and she could not hang around them much anymore because the Bible doesn't approve... So, I know most of my Christian friends wouldn't approve... Would it be a good idea not to come out to them and come out to my other friends? Lemme know what you think, Thank you all again so much! Feels so good to be heard and hear your thoughts. InfiniteColour <3
