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Married with children but in love with a girl

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Michelle74, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. Michelle74

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2013
    Messages:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    I have been married for 16 years, over the last 6 I have not been happy in my relationship. 6 weeks ago I fell for a girl at work at a party she is gay and in a gay relationship. I have had an attraction to her before but did not think much of it until she became flirty with me.
    The last 6 weeks have been amazing, so intense, not sleeping, not eating, i know that sounds like torture but I love this girl to bit and its killing me.
    At first I was confused and thinking am I curious, what am I. I know now that i want to be with her, yeah its not going to be an instant thing but its what we both want. We both know we have baggage, well I do being married with 2 children.
    I have started councelling sessions last night and it was good.
    Im not sure what I am asking but has anything else been through this? I really do not know what to do. She is also 14 years younger than me but to us that is no issue.
    I have good friends who are behind me and and my mum is also supporting me. Not sure how the kids will take it if / when it comes out.
    Can anyone offer me advice??
     
  2. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Hi Michelle. I am the last person you'd ever want advice from, but I can't resist the urge to play devil's advocate for you.

    You're in love with this girl, but yet you list your orientation as "straight but curious". If you've reached the love stage, wouldn't you be past the curious stage by now? Have you actually experimented/consumated your love yet?

    I only ask these questions because long before I was subjected to the eye opening intervention that got me questioning my sexuality, I found myself in a situation that sounds incredibly similar to yours, but with one major difference. I had been married w/kids for 13 years, and miserable in that marriage for almost all of them. I found myself becoming an enthusiastic participant in an emotional/intellectual affair with another man. I felt absolutely every one of those crazy wonderful symptoms you describe and thought I'd finally found the other half of my soul. Until he tried to take that step that would transition the relationship into a sexual one. That's when I witnessed the very last bit of that crazy wonderful magic - when all those feelings pulled a vanishing act and I realized that being intimate with him was as unfulfilling as it was with my husband and every other man before him.

    Then I found myself avoiding him at every turn, grasping at the most ridiculous excuses and thoroughly disenchanted with the whole affair, and realizing that most of what I had been feeling was probably excitement/nerves over the whole clandestine, risky, forbidden thing I was doing and not what true love would really feel like at all.

    So I guess what I'm asking you is this. You and she are both in committed relationships and for you, this is a first encounter with feelings for a woman (?) I'm presuming. Are you sure it's love and not just a taste of forbidden fruit?

    Again - my caveat - I'm just playing devil's advocate here based upon my own experience, not being naive (or is it cynical?) enough to believe that just because that was my situation, it's the same for everyone. So take it for what it's worth.

    The one thing I would encourage is that you NOT follow my example and continue in your unhappy marriage if things don't progress with your lady-love. If you're finding yourself unhappy for so long, don't put yourself through more of it. Get out and find your joy - whatever that may be. Life is too short to put it off.

    Good luck. I'm hoping what you've found is truly the real thing. I could use the hope that will inspire!