The reason I regret coming out is, that, Maybe it would have made more sense if i came out as Bisexual because this old friend of mine andrew said "didn't you like me? i think said you did?" and Here is the thing, My memory is complete SHIT. my sister said I was boy crazy and I was per say because i did talk about guys a lot but I absolutely CANNOT remember how i felt around them or if I truly did like them and that's what makes it hard to explain to people who say "I thought you liked guys?" I guess, you could say I was Boy crazy until 14 ....but the thing, is ....When I first started questioning, I questioned everything. when I had that crush on Katie, I questioned everything. I had that feeling in my stomach and I had NO idea what it was and so I kept wondering what is was until someone said it was butterflies. When someone brought up "sexual attraction" .....I had no idea what that was. I kept asking "how do you know if you're sexually attracted to someone?" and other questions, I didn't even know. I didn't even know if i liked her at first. I asked "do I like her?" ....Like I didn't even know. I know that i would think of her every day and i thought she was amazing but i didn't even know if I liked her but later down the road, i acknowledged that I did. I wrote poems about her but the thing is, I wrote poems about guys too. I have cried over 3 guys in my lifetime. The first guy, at one point thought I loved but it seems, I looked at him more as a friend. Most of my 'crushes' on guys, I cannot remember how I felt around them at ALL. Like none, which makes me question "How come I can remember how i felt around girls but not guys?" I Can't tell if its a bad memory or something else I don't know what I should do, I came out saying I liked girls ....and everyone obviously is taking that as "Lesbian" ...including my sister and dad. I don't know what to think, I thought maybe i am lesbian and i felt confident about it but now, im having more doubt than anything ...all because of what that guy said...Fuck, I feel embarrassed and just everything is going wrong. when girls talk about guys, I just feel weird because I can't relate but if someone is talking about girls, I can. I can confidently say what type of girl I like. what personality I look for etc but what if everything, I thought was a lie and I'm just straight? I really am kind flipping out here because I at ONE point accepting, I was bisexual.....but then I wondered if I was just lesbian and so finally, I questioned if i was lesbian and kind of thought, I can't be ....and denied it and denied it and finally started to try and accept maybe I am and whenever someone would say, "I think, Your lesbian" ...I felt happy and relieved. but if someone said something like "i think you might be going through phase or I think you're straight" I would panic and get defensive and what not. When I watch documentaries about lesbians, I feel....I can relate more and what not I don't mind if I'm bisexual, I mean....it is what is and sexuality is fluid although someone said someone who is a kinsey 6 would argue that. I'm so worried, everything I thought is a lie and I just really regret coming out because of something that guy said. That guy by the way, ....kind of took advantage of me. He was 16 and I was 8 and he taught me how to french kiss and I don't remember much but i think, it was disgusting. although, ya know...whatever.... Maybe, I should have said "i like girls too" or "I'm bisexual" Maybe everything, I thought was a lie. I was beginning to think, I could embrace being who I am but Now its like....im having doubt all because of something he said, and its making he look back on everything...ugh can anyone :help:?
Well I can't really offer advice but I know what you mean in a way. Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian but my orientation is complicated. Like, I can have crushes on anyone but only find women sexually attractive as far as I'm aware. I came out to so many people and so now when I admit to someone I have a crush on a guy, they think it's weird. I accepted being a lesbian but I feel bisexual but that just doesn't sound like the right label, and most people wouldn't understand the label "Panromantic Homosexual" so I just don't label myself. Urgh. I'd rather be 100% gay or straight sometimes because being in between is confusing to me and everyone around me!
yeah, It would be really much easier if my background wasn't so fucking complicated. I don't feel bisexual because I don't like guys, at least not right now.
It happened to me too where I pretended to be boy crazy in middle school and I didn't even know what a crush was! I would think you would know yourself better than anyone though.
sadly, that's not the case.....I have such a complicated background, I'm sure how to interpret anything. Hopefully, some people will give some insight.
Yeah that's why when people say to speak to someone I think the proper person is a sister or brother or mom or dad or a therapist. Its okay to recieve guidance for your feelings in-person. Everyone gets guidance for everything at some point lol. Alright, so your requestioning everything over what someone said. I say right now tell yourself there is no rush for love, no rush for an answer because this isn't something that becomes more clear or becomes old news overnight. Its a process, it could take a a few months, a year, a couple years but trust me those years could have memorable experiences of self exploration and identity with both female n male if you accept unsurity and go with 'open to it all'
It is possible you could be Bisexual. Forgive me for being so intrusive on that whole aspect, but let me explain why I think it is POSSIBLE. If you look around on this site, many bisexuals have claimed to have more interest in the certain sex at one point in their life and then switch interest without their mental approval (meaning it was not their choice) and almost completely lose interest in the gender they were normally attracted to. Some of them on how it flows like that differs for the person, for many it could be hours, days, weeks, and even YEARS. I'm not claiming to know ANYTHING about you, but it is something to make you think.
What I'd like to know is why it's so important to choose a label and stick with it right now? I mean, for some people, it comes easily: I'm ___, and they stay that way for years. Others go through life switching, sticking to one, or just choosing not to identify strongly with anything. You're sure you are into women that way, it seems, but are still unsure of where guys might fall in the mix. Why does acknowledging attraction to one sex mean you have to give up the other? You can identify as lesbian or bisexual and still keep your options open while you're figuring yourself out. As far as denial goes... I don't think that's what you're experiencing. Those in-denial don't generally question, come out, and go through acceptance; they make excuses and avoid the question for years.
I know, i never said this specifically was denial though. and I guess your right but I dont like any guys right now and Haven't really liked one in 3 years ..not to mention, I dont think they weren't the way, I liked girls. Maybe they were but i can't remember for god knows what another thing to mention is who said I was shutting guys out? I never said I would shut guys out. never.
Understood. It's just that a lot of people who are in a hurry to adopt a certain label sometimes place restrictions on themselves, one of the last things a person, especially one who is still struggling to understand and accept their sexuality, wants to do. At this point, the cat is out of the bag, and you'll have to make due with your current situation. Coming out isn't exactly something you can "take back". The thing about coming out, is you can tell everyone you know, and they can be totally fine with it, but if you're not... it won't do much for you, personally. You'll have to learn to trust your own judgments and to affirm yourself. Others can throw tantrums and reject you, but if you're okay with who you are... there isn't anything they can say or do to knock you down. It's not an overnight process.
It's very important, having that initial support, since we are putting ourselves in a very vulnerable position by entrusting someone else with such a personal piece of our identities. My ex-psychologist literally laughed in my face when I brought up the fact that I was questioning, and that honestly made me feel like shit. This is probably one of the ugliest parts of showing our true selves to the world: the intolerance, the bigotry, the rejection. What I've found is how you choose to express it will determine how they will react: when I first came out, I was unsure, scared, and they took advantage of that. As I started growing more comfortable and sure of myself, the criticisms became less, and while people might not have agreed with it, they didn't try to tell me what I knew or didn't know as much after that. One theme with others owning their LGBT identity is putting an end to living up to others expectations and doing this for themselves. Getting married, starting a family, ignoring same-sex attractions... this is what society tells us we should do, so there's a lot of pressure, guilt, and fear involved when we choose to go against the grain, especially since we're separating, in a way, from what we've come to know and become comfortable with, and also because many people are also going to have a problem with it. This is why we have our own, distinct communities and support groups.
Hey, so I just sort of wanted to pop in and say you don't need to worry about stuff so much. Just relax and take a breath. Stuff like this is impossible to figure out, and if you're anything like me, you'll just think and think and overthink everything untill it's a big jumbled mess in your brain and thats when you start thinking "but what if I'm not actually straight/bi/gay BUT IM IN THE MATRIX AND THATS WHAT THE ROBOTS ARE PROGRAMMING ME TO THINK" Just take a step back from it all and say to yourself "okay, I'm probably into girls. I'm not sure about guys but it's a possibility. I don't need to make any descisions that are going to be fixed for life right this second" And then... just continue living your life as normal. If people are saying things like "but I thought you used to like guys, what happened?" you can just be like "haha dude I have no idea I'm still figuring all this stuff out myself. Who knows!" and pass it off. Maybe you'll find a guy you're really into and you'll be like "okay, I can get onboard with this, guys are okay sometimes" and then maybe you'll find a girl you're into and think the same thing about them. Maybe you won't find a guy you're into like that and then in like a whole bunch of years when you've met tons of guys and not been into any of them you can be like "yeah, okay, I'm probably a big ol' lezzer" or anything. Who knows. You don't really have to assign a label to it right now. Just go with it, and crush on whoever you find yourself crushing on!
Whoa. You seem to be having a pretty rough time there. So I'm looking at these other comments and they are saying you don't need to label yourself and that you can just tell people you're lesbian but maybe not or whatever. I think your problem isn't background, I think that you know lots of people aren't going to be able to contemplate that. Of course, I know nothing about your background, so forgive me about that, I just think that's what it sounds like to me. This might not help at all, but I'm going to say that you can tell people I'm probably __, I'm might not be ___. It's allowed. Then, when you're with people and they ask you/you feel to tell them, just actually say to them: I'm probably ___, but I'm kind of questioning. I know that they might ask 'What does that mean'. You're allowed to say: I'm questioning it. And leave it at that. They have no right to go and make you confused. If you think you're this, then you can say so. No one has the right to deny your sexuality. You are right that sexuality is a fluid thing. I contemplated it for three months before joining this site and I'm still not 100% stable, but as of now, I'm bisexual. I was feeling intense things for girls for about a month, then woke up one day and felt attraction for guys (it was on my mind constantly, sexuality, I mean). And then I was confused. So you say you might be bisexual? You define it differently than I do. I define 'bisexual' as having been attracted to both males and females at a point in your life. Not even at the same time! At one point you were attracted to males, and at another you were attracted to females. I know that it's a lot more complicated than that, but I think you can catch my drift, right? Labels aren't necessary for us. The people in actual question. But I know society demands it and you're uncomfortable when you don't have one. Pick one and go, but warn others 'It can change!'. Just be flexible with yourself, and you'll be okay.
I honestly, dont know what your talking about. I'm not sure if i was attracted to guys truly because I don't remember how i felt around them. I said maybe it would have made more sense because of what people have said such as my sister saying "its a phase, you were boy crazy" and whatever that guy said and I know what you're saying. Labels ...we use them all the time, they may not be necessary but we still use them and always will. LGBT Is a label itself. and if labels aren't necessary, why say you're bisexual? thats a label. No offense, labels may not matter and i may not have to stick to one strictly but I still want to use them.
