Hey guys I am 17 years old male and i recently was suffering through hocd( homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder). I had doubts about being gay but this thought of being gay just popped up in my mind and i was just freaking scared to be attracted to guys. The most surprising thing is i have never been attracted to guys in my whole life neither sexually nor emotionally. This thing of being gay just popped in my head i dont remember how. I dont know if it still continues (dats y i'm consulting u guys) .But it was serious hell (it still is sometimes since i am still questioning my sexuality but deep down i know i am straight). I couldnt look at guys not even in the movies. Recently i was watching fast 6 and found it very difficult to look at vin diesel's or dwayne johnson's muscles cas i was scared to be aroused by them . On the contrary i've been sports oriented and always looked at guys almost naked but didnt feel a thing.(sounds stupid rite??) And i always wanted a girl to be my life partner and it felt so good to hug a girl kiss her have sex with her and all those things . I've had a few crushes in my past at girls but was over them very fast. Recently i wanted to be in a relationship like hell but my academics wudnt let me do so. ( i was kind of the cool geek in the skool lolz). I think i still like one of the girls i had a crush on but i'm not touch wid her so i 'm kinda ignoring her. I've never been in a relationship.(dat makes me sad now) . Also if u want to knw more about my history , i have many a times lookd at girls' panties by goin under the bench . This probably happened wen i was in the third grade. (Lolz) but i was very shy to talk to girls or flirt wid them even after i knew some girls had a crush on me in the past. But i'm opening up now and dont have any kind of prob flirtin or talkin to girls. Anyways lets talk about my present situation. I am currently afraid of being bisexual ( dis happened after i was afraid of being gay , after 2 and a half months probably). When i was suffering through hocd i kind of started thinking about guys checking for any signs of arousal .also i lost all my attraction towards girls.once checking and thinking bout guys probably gave me a "slight" arousal and i literally cried dat night. I couldnt sleep thinking i was gay and how wud i even come out . Actually that was the first and the last arousal(hopefully) i had thinkin bout guys. Then i started searching on the net bout dis and found sites telling bout hocd. I had exactly the same kind of symptoms and started feeling happy about it. Then i started treating myself and i even consulted a psychologist over the blog just like this and explaining what i had been goin thru. He told me ways how to be calm and all dat . Then i started feeling better and felt more confident about who i was. I even started laughing about the thoughts i was having(which i still have ) . But as i said i am still having those thoughts and i dont feel repulsed , not even aroused by the thoughts of me having sex with a man. That kinda freaks me out . I once even while having those thoughts felt that it wudnt feel bad if i touched a man's body dat way. But that freaks me out now. Sometimes it does sometimes it doesnt. And as i had got my attraction to girls back, my obsession changed from being gay to being bisexual. That kinda freaks me out (used this the 2nd tym again ). I do find attractive guys attractive as in just the way he looks of course but dat kinda makes me uneasy cas sometimes i have thoughts again of doing things with them . And i dont like it nor do i even get aroused. But whenever i see a hot girl its like she sceamin" oh yeah dats the spot" kinda thing and i do enjoy these fantasies. Those were intrusive thoughts that i had about guys and i knew it cas wen i befriended some of those guys it was like " wat an asshole he is !! How cud i have even thought dat gayish thing yuck(!) " and i' d be the same straight guy cravin for girls . But i do think " what if i was bisexual cas that always is a possibiliy even if i did like girls my whole life" ( and slowly i ruled out the possibility of being gay cas i knew i wasnt it was that simple . And i'm even smiling while writing this) . Icannot do my everyday chores because of this and also i never had such doubts about my sexuality. I know some of u wud suggest me to experiment with the same sex but i knw i'm not gonna do it even if i wanted to so ............. So the verdict comes to this.........do you guys think i could be bisexual?? Please do leave ur thoughts below. And sorry for such a long post . Thanku 4 any help . Appreciate that u gave time to my post
First of all, there's no such thing a hocd. Maybe someone can explain this better, but this really don't exist. Also, in the end, you will be the one to figure out your sexuality. You could be a little bi, or admire the male physique. There could be factors that affect your struggle with sexuality like your upbringing. Give yourself time to be more clear about how you're feeling. Figuring out things take time anyways.
OCD can make a person have constant unwanted thoughts about anything, including sexual orientation. I think that is "hocd". Having constant thoughts and worrying about being gay, without actually feeling attracted to the same sex.
Here is an article which explains what confusedguy1 is talking about: HOCD: Homosexual OCD & Sexual Orientation OCD
Thankyou so much everyone for your comments. And if anyone feels offended i am so sorry i didnt mean to to do so. I have nothing against any homosexuals or bisexuals. Thats y i'm postin here for your opinions
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression. My obsession is expressed in food. The depression/anxiety may have also been the reason I was in denial about being bisexual for decades. My mother wouldn't take me to a secular counselor. They had to be Christian. All that means is I can sort of relate to what you're saying. I would encourage you not to be afraid of having same-sex attraction. It can open up a whole new world for you if you let it.
