Hello! So first of all I want to say that I don't mean any harm to anyone with anything I write, I have absolutely no problem with someone being gay, I'm not just very comfortable being/doing it myself. I am 26 years old. For about a year now I've been having these serious thoughts that I might be gay. It started weaker a few years earlier though, but it wouldn't mess with my life much by then, I had a girlfriend and friends and was very happy. The relationship with the girl ended about 3 years ago now though, since then I've had some short relationships for maybe a month with girls. So the reason I think I am gay is cause I seem to be turned on by dicks. Also the fact that I find the sight of a vagina kind of gross. I never thought much about about the vagina thing cause I heard a lot of other people say the same thing, that were straight, that I know at least? I do really enjoy the other parts of the female body. When I am outside all I do is look at girls, check theire asses out, never look at any guys like that, what I know anyway, I mean, you notice some guys, for some reasons, maybe because he seems like the kind of guy you would typically hang out with or something like that. Here's the problem with girls though. I have a really hard time getting hard. I mean it usually or often maybe works before its absolutely sure that we are going to have sex and there is no return, then it usually shrinks. Allthough when I have had longer relationships I have been able to maintain it after getting closer to the person. And then have been able to maintain it throughout the relationships. I do kind of have this weird feeling that I am not good enough, and that I make a fool out of myself, and I am kind of shy, don't really do the kind of stuff I would really like to. And now back to the dick/guy thing. I never really got turned on by guys during any parts of my real life. Allthough there are a few occasions where I have seen someone's dick and then masturbated to it, like 2 times, out of the 500 ones ive seen during my childhood and up until now. I never look at guys that way though, that I know of. I do kind of feel like I am a little bit better then straight guys I talk to at telling what looks good on a man and not(lol that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but could). I am kind of soft inside, I like romance, with GIRLS, I thought at least!? The thought of being imtimate with a guy seems gross and kind of weird to me, I don't know how I could ever do that and not be grossed out by it. Allthough when I look at porn I find it kind of more easy then ever to get an orgasm, from just looking, I don't have to think at all. Allthough I feel kind of grossed out while doing it also, I don't want to do it, I just do it to check. Allthough when I have watched porn before these suspicions, It may have been possible that I chose the scenes in porn where you can see the dick the most. And then again, there those times 2 times or something from real life. I don't really like to watch lesbian porn, doesn't do anything for me. What I do know about myself for now, is that I like to watch straight porn, often the big dick section, and tell myself I watch the girl. I check out girls outside and tell myself I get crazy cause there are so many hot girls around me that I want to do. But it just seems like I would never be able to get a boner any more with knowing I get a very easy orgasm from watching a dick. So I stay alone. I don't want to. I want a girl. I long for them every day, that's at least what I tell myself, I want a girlfriend. I never check out guys outside. I don't want to. I don't want to have sex with them, but it kind of seems like from watching at porn I do get turned of from the sight of a dick / having sex with them. I mean what is my from my upbringing and social life and what is really me? What am I? I feel if I am gay, id rather just live alone and masturbate, cause I don't think I could share romance and sex and other of that stuff with a guy. But then there is that what I think is attraction when I see a dick. (I don't like the other parts of a man particularly, don't like to see it from behind). Thanks to anyone who had the energy to read through that. I hope I get some opinions on what I should do with myself, cause this is not gonna work out for much longer... Oh, and by the way, I can handle the harsh thruth, this feeling has gone numb after all these years.
Lets start with genitals, that's always fun. Vaginas are strange looking things as anyone will tell you. Penises (for a man) are familiar. You don't often look down and think "That thing is just fucking weird!" by the sounds of things so it makes some sort of sense that you might find a dick more appealing. Doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. If you feel 'grossed out' by the thought of having sex with a guy you could argue you are not gay. If you like girls and are happy with girls fair enough. If you really are turned on by dicks you might be a bit bisexual. If you are, nobody says you can't date girls or that you HAVE to have sex with a man, it just means that while you prefer girls there a bits of a guy that turn you on.
