Hi first i would like to say iam a 34 year old gay man. Iam not out as gay man to family just only few people that i know and trust. I sometimes wonder if i was always gay but didnt know or or was i in denial at first? I remember as a kid liking boys but that was just it but as i got older started to be checking out older men but didnt understand why. I did know that older men did have wifes and kids but that was just it. Anyways i never had a boyfriend growing up just mess around with older men as a teen which i never told anyone at the time or now but it happan. But i started late in dating girls i was 19 and had my first girlfriend. It was not a serious relationship but i had a few girlfriends here and there just dating as in go to the movies and kiss that type. My mom knew about 2 or 3 girlfriends but that was just it. well iam 34 now no kids no wife no girlfriend no desire to find a girlfriend but now i have a strong desire to be with a man. I like men and find men attractive. I have other brothers younger then me and they have girlfriends and one is married i have a sister who is married but iam in my own little world. Sometimes i wonder if my family suspects of me cause my family does not know any of my friends who i had out. some are gay some are not. Back in 2002 i had a older men friends who i would hang out with and stayed with them but family never knew only i know that i had giving my mom doubts about me. I remember not having a phone back in 2002 and some older men friends would call my house phone and my mom would answer and it was older men she would ask me why older men calling you?? I would say they are just friends. But now i have a smartphone so know its easy for me to talk to whoever i want. But i think to myself if people ever suspect of me you know. what do you all think? As for me not being out its cause i have brothers who homophobic and i dont know if mom is or dad is but i wonder. I would like to get feed back and learn more about myself with you all thanks.
It seems to me from what it is you posted that you already have your mind and heart in check and have already set aside the demons of the past. I would also ask to elaborate more on the idea of why you believe they suspect you are gay. I have many older friends, male & female and that does not make it any weird even if it is just men. I am friends with older men and some older women because I can relate to them more, I am more in touch with the older gen than the current one and your mother seems to believe such a thing as well. Even if she suspects something, it does not necessarily mean you HAVE to come out, it'll just mean she had a feeling. I for one think you should not worry about it and go on with your life, so what if your brothers are homophobic, they don't have to know anymore than anyone else. If you are going to come out ever, do it on your own time; not because you feel obligated, some people on this site might make you feel obligated to come out like it is a duty to you but it is your life, not theirs.
I relate in a lot of ways. I'm 36 still single and stayed in the closet for (religious reasons). My parents are pretty religious. My sister's have tried to hook me up with girls, but I've always avoided it. I've even gone as far as talk with girls about marriage, but it always fizzled and always because of me. In the back of my mind, I suspected that my family knew. Though I'm "straight-acting" now, when I was a little kid I would tell friends that I wished I was a girl. (Though now that's far from what I want.) In any case, I thought that because of this my family would suspect me of being/becoming gay. But my sister (who is the most open to gay people) keeps trying to hook me up with girls. I think they all forgot my "wanting to be a girl" phase as a kid. I've moved to a new city near my sister's family and I'm planning to come out to them soon... and to everyone. For me, I plan to have my parents be the last to know. My mom may have had suspicions when I was kid. I remember her telling me specifically that "men like women." Her being so religious, she probably shunned any doubts out of her mind and left any gayness to impossibility. I think it'll be shock to my parents, but I don't think it'll be too much to my sisters. But you never know. I just feel like I need to come out now because I don't want others to control my life.... basically fear. I've moved to a new city and I'm at a new place in my life and it's time to live free. Why don't you just tell you're family? Don't mean to sound judgmental, but it sounds like the only reason is because they're homophobic.
It always amazed me at how nobody suspected my sexual orientation.. I think they were in more denial then I was Our society is full of social/sexual clues. What does it really mean when I walk into the office and check out the cute female co-worker? As a straight guy, I am being a sexist pig. As a gay guy, I am maybe evaluating her awkward clothing choices? As a bisexual male, shopping for clothing with my wife, I have two choices in how I can interact with her. I can be the straight husband who is terrified of having an opinion for fear of somebody thinking I am gay OR, I can be the gay friend who is out shopping with his girlfriend asking her if by choosing THAT outfit, does she WANTS to look fat? Unless the world knows our sexuality, almost every action we do, no matter how subtle, is a lie. It is empowering and freeing to be truly out.
I just think they may suspect cause i have guy friends and cause i don't show interest in girls. In fact i dont want a girlfriend i dont mind having women friends but thats all. Iam not out and yes i use to fight it in my mind that iam not gay..but as iam getting older and iam ok with it. I just dont go around fighting it or in public display.
I'd be floored if they don't suspect. You're 34, never had any long-term girlfriends, and don't seem to be dating anyone? Ya, most likely it's crossed their minds. Coming out is important to your emotional and psychological health in the long term because living in the closet means you're living your life in shame. But you don't have to do it tomorrow or next week or next month. I would suggest that therapy would probably help, and I'd also suggest getting Joe Kort's amazing book "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love" which has little to do with finding love and everything to do with finding yourself.
A good way to find out if people are homophobic is to bring up the topic in everyday conversation. You probably have already done this in the past, but that is how I test people's grounds in society
If I came out I want to do in babysteps.. can anyone suggest how? I want to hive hints but don't want to just come out. I want to let people know iam gay. Without saying " Hey everybody iam gay" lol well just came here for support and to be guided.
