Am I right to be questioning again or is denial messing with me?

Over the past few days, I've been questioning myself again, what fun. I came out to a rather important friend recently and I don't know whether these doubts have basis or weither its some kind of annoying rebound denial. I'll quickly as I can list the events/thoughts that I've been having that have lead me to this point:

1) This evening, I was in a restaurant, and two of the waiters were literally BEAUTIFUL (men). Tall, dark and handsome, that kind of thing. I almost found myself flirting with one of them, sorry WHAT? So then my mind was going crazy being all like "Would I sleep with this man???" "Would I date this man???". I don't even know. Usually I find male sex charateristics e.g. Beards, chest hair, armpit hair, and stuff a turn off, so I don't know if it was just their generally hotness that I was observing or wether I did actually fancy them. Classic overanalysis by me.

2) For the past few days, the thought of kissing women is most unusually a TURN OFF. This one I find really weird, what the hell is my brain playing at? When I've thought about it the past few days, it feels kind of wrong or something.

3) It doesn't really seem like my friends enjoy sex that much with men/their boyfriends. It kind of seems like they do it to keep them happy and so they can cuddle after. So I don't know if I maybe just have too high expectations or something. This point sounds kind of stupid, I don't even know what I'm trying to say exactly.

4) Another weird one. I've taken a notion to penis lately. Very uncharacteristic. The thought of penis is appealing. I think? Almost like the a lack of penis in bed might be unsatisfying.

I'd pretty much come to terms, at least partly, with being "mostly gay". I came out to my friend as "gay but open minded". I was almostttt kind of happy. The thought of a girlfriend, and stuff. Now I'm panicking that I've jumped the gun and I've actually got a bit of bisexual in me, so to speak. Now I know labels are a nuisance at times, but I feel like they're often helpful when explaining to inexperienced folk about how you feel etc.

Any advice on this would be great.

 

Thanks for your replies! I'd come to the conclusion that I was "mostly gay" as a result of a whole load of different things. When I was maybe 13, I began looking at the lingerie pages of clothes catalogues (lol), and it was always the women's section. Over time I then progressed to looking at "naughty pictures" of women online, peek at the adult channels on my TV when no-one was looking, and so on. Even when my friends found some of said pictures on my internet history (awkward), I still thought I was straight for some reason because at this time (say 15) I was still primarily crushing on boys.

My sexual experience with women is virtually non-existant and that with men isn't much better. However, the times that I have been intimate with men, it's never been enjoyable. That said, I didn't know these men (there were 2), hugely well, and I was more using them as sexual guinea pigs (just being honest), so I don't know if this lack of enjoymenmt was due to my lack of emotional connection or what. However that said, during one of these experiences, I caught myself thinking about a girl I liked to make it less unpleasant... Hmm... I also sometimes ask myself if straight women get off on fantasies about guys? Do they??? I don't think I've ever managed to do that. Tmi?

In terms of real-life crushes, I was more or less in love with one of my best friends for around 2 years between the ages of 16 and 18. This was the first time I actually properly considered that I might be gay (or bi). After her (she was/is straight), I went to university, and since being there I've properly been attracted to different 2 girls.

I realise all this makes me sound like a lesbian without much question. The only things that confuse me are firstly, when I start noticing men as described above, and also because I did have crushes on boys as a young teen (say up to 15 or so). They definately weren't made up, I cried over them and stuff. I've also had some feelings for boys since coming to university, but not as strongly and not over the same kind of time frames. When I picture my future thought, its usually with a MAN, I don't know, do you reckon this is still the result of social conditioning or what?

Sorry this became such an essay. Basically I'm wanting to know if lesbian sounds like a resonable thing to come out as for me. I know I could come out as bi, but I don't feel bi enough for that to be comfortable. Then again I'm worried I'm going to meet a guy I do fall for in the near future and then I'll have to re-come out all over again.