Very confused about my sexual orientation. Need some advice.

I just started my senior year in high school, and for most of my life, I thought for sure that I liked girls, and only girls. I never felt weird or different in any way growing up (except for the fact that I could be a little awkward around girls). But in about eight grade I stumbled upon the transexual porn section, and I found myself liking it, and I have been watching it almost exclusively ever since. I didn't really think that made me gay though, I just thought it was a sort of fetish or something. But recently I found myself liking the guys in the videos, and I am very ashamed to admit that I have masturbated with other men that I met on ****** a few times in the past year or so. But still, I didn't really think I was gay. I just thought I was a little bi curious or something.

It wasn't until my best friend came out as bisexual about 6 months ago that I started feeling like I might be gay. Before he came out, I had been very homophobic, and I never really let thoughts of myself being gay enter my mind. But when he came out, I realized that liking the same sex is perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong with it. And about a week or so ago, I realized that I definitely liked guys.

There's some catches though. I still like girls and have hooked up with my fair share of them, and I actually have a girlfriend right now. I also definitely still like transsexuals. But for some reason, I'm not physically attracted to any guys that I already know (which may be a good thing). I'm physically attracted to many guys that I don't know though, like random people I see in public or celebrities. I'm not really sure why this is. Something I would like to know though is what I am. I'm into guys, girls, and transexuals. One might say that I'm pansexual, but don't you have to like all genders equally to be pan? Because I don't like all genders equally. I was originally against putting a label on it, but now I think it'd be good to know if there's other people out there like me.

I'm actually still having a hard time accepting that I like gays and I'm sort of hoping that it's just a phase but I'm pretty sure it's not. No one know about any of this, not even my best friend who is bi.

 

I guess I'm just really worried that a lot of my friend will like never talk to me again if they ever find out. I have this group of guy friends that I do a lot of stereotypical straight things with, like play fantasy football, play video games, and play pick up football games. And I really feel like that these guys would never be able to look at me the same way. But I have no intention of coming out to anyone anytime soon, and probably not during high school, so hopefully that won't even matter.

 

Well I basically have two groups of friends. One group I go to parties with and hang out with a lot. That's the group that my bisexual friend is in. The other group that I play football with and stuff is all guys, and most of them are pretty homophobic. There are a few people that overlap, but not a lot. The thing is that I really enjoy spending time with both groups of people, and I wouldn't want to lose either.

And maybe I don't like them because I know they're straight, but I'm not really sure. I realize now though that I'm really attracted to one of my oldest friends who is straight. But in all honesty, it'd feel really weird doing anything sexual with him because I've literally known this guy since kindergarten. But there are also some girls that I've known since I was really little, and I can easily picture myself doing sexual things with them.