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Confused about everything!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Headintheclouds, Aug 27, 2013.

  1. Headintheclouds

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    This could be long!

    I have a boyfriend and we've been together for about 7 months. I've always thought I was bi since I left high school (I'm now 21 at university) but recently have realised that I'm most likely a lesbian. This acceptance brought me happiness... But not for long. I started to think about how different life will be and how hard it will be to tell my boyfriend and potentially lose him and our mutual friends. I'm definitely not ready to leave him because I do still feel emotionally attached to him and he makes me feel kind of like the old me when I'm around him! I've further started thinking about how hard it's going to be, being part of a minority and I wonder if ill ever truly be able to accept myself. I have always been a girly girl who loves wearing skirts and dresses, I literally own one pair of jeans that I wear to work! I have long hair and wear makeup and absolutely love being a girl. Part of me loving being a girl though was chasing boys! The idea of me being in a relationship with a girl just doesn't sit well or feel right to me and for the last week I've been having scary intrusive thoughts that I should just become a man. I keep thinking it would be easier to live that way- there wouldn't be that fear of being rejected as much. BUT HELL NO would I ever want something dangling between my legs or facial hair or to cut my hair off but my mind keeps telling me ill be happier. I'm definitely not transgender. It has only been the past week that these thoughts have been messing with my mind. Has anyone gone through anything similar? Do these thoughts pass in time? Will I ever be able to be myself again? :frowning2: am I really turned off by the idea of me in a relationship with a woman as a woman or am I just scared because I've never done it before? I just want these thoughts to go away. I know they are only thoughts not actions but god they feel real sometimes and I feel so so disconnected from myself. I feel like the road ahead is going to be a hard and rocky one. Is it worth it? :icon_sad:
     
  2. memyself

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Understanding yourself if definatly worth it. If you just push aside all these thoughts, it'll probably just tear you up inside for the rest of your life. I don't think thoughts usually pass, we just grow to understand our thoughts.

    Maybe think of it this way: what if you and your significant other where the only ones in the world? The two of you lived on a deserted island or something. Who would it be? With it being impossible for anyone to judge you, who can you see yourself with?

    As far as your boyfriend, maybe be open with him about it. I dated a girl 4 years ago and I did the same thing. I told her I wasn't sure about my sexuality. We broke up, but we are best friends now. The two of us are very very close.

    Things will become clear. Just have an open mind and try to not think about what others will think of you. And LGBT people are pretty well accepted in society these days so you really don't have anything to worry about. Just be open minded and don't stress about figuring it out right away. It probably won't be a clear black or white answer anyways. Everyone is a different and no one fits perfectly into one mold/label.
     
  3. Jinkies

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You could very well be bisexual. Or lesbian. But being lesbian doesn't mean you're less of a girl. Society has this terrible mindset that being gay = being a girl and being lesbian = being a boy. Neither are inherently true. Here, you've got gay guys that you might think are manlier than Sean Connery dancing with a shark. And you've got gay guys that make Elton John look like Sean Connery dancing with a shark. Likewise, there are lesbians here that are very boyish, and lesbians here that make Niki Minaj look like Haruhi Fujioka. And you have all of the in-between.

    My point is this: Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with how "manly" or "girly" you are. You are still you no matter what. I'm gay and I hate Justin Bieber and Katie Perry and fucking love The Who, The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Def Leppard, all that jazz. Just because you're lesbian doesn't mean you stop painting your nails or putting makeup on your face or whatever.

    Do whatever you want. You're a human being. Okay, don't go killing off every one of your friends like Jack the Ripper, but you know what I mean. You can have coffee, you can have tea, you can have 3 cans of Monster a day, if you want (I'd highly advise against that, though). You can drive a monster truck. You can drive a Porsche. You can drive a small Mercedes Benz or a Toyota. You can choose not to drive at all.

    Be you. Don't fall into a stereotype just for the sake of being in a stereotype. If you just so happen to fit a stereotype because that's YOU, then so be it. That's you. But don't actively fall into it just for its own sake.
     
  4. Nick07

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    ^^^ nicely said! Thanks.