To start off with I'm a 22 year old male who has identified as bi since just before i got with my feonce. I got lost about a month ago, and have been confused ever since. I was workin on a slow Sunday, and I had absolutley nothing to do at the time, nothing to think about, so I decided to do what my fionce whom I've been with for 5.5 years now, always says to do, figure out my sexual fanacies, so I went to a place I never think about when I go, I just would let it go when I used to fantasize. This time I analysed it; my two main fantasize were always quite extravagant so I realized that they weren't normal, one involved futanari (girls with dicks) wether I was that or was with that, my other main fantacy involved being the girl, usualy hetero, so I never thought much of it. Until this day, I picked it appard and all at once my brain said "maybe your gay" everything started making sence, I started realising that when I looked at girls, I was always imagening being them. I remember my first crush (though I didn't realize it was a crush until recently) it was on a boy in grade 7, and I also remember that shortly after that my first thoughts of wanting to be a girl showed up. It now makes sence to me that this whole time I was gay, and my mind tried to make it make sence, because when your 12 you just assume your straight, why would you think otherwise? It just made it make sence that if I want to be with men, I must want to be a girl. Ever since that all happened, I've stopped letting myself want to be a girl, because I am happy as a man, but since I have done that my atraction to women as disapeared, I can still look at atractive women and realize how gorgouse they are, but that's as far as it goes, I just kinda don't care. I only fantasize about men now since I realized all this, I love the idea of being with a big strong man, and everything sexual about it. But then there's the two confusing parts, I would probably call myself gay, but there's my fionce, I've been with her for over five years, and I still love her, but even beside this hole thing, things have been hard, she's turning into an angry person just like her father and I don't know if this is just my mind saying to get away from her. And the other problem, I smoke weed, and it's never been a problem, but what is happening is that when I'm high, I'm straight again, weather it be porn or anything, but once in a while I'll hear in the back of my mind "you know your just imagening being her" and it is usualy lesbion porn or straight, and I do imagine being "her" when high, but I don't care at the time. Overall I don't know what to think, I think I might be gay, but I love and want to stay with her, I have been with her for about 1/4 of my life. And then I just don't know what to think when I'm high, do I just have HOCD, and weed helps like it would with OCD at the time? Help I'm so lost in my head!
