...I don't really know what to say here, I'm a bit tongue-tied on the issue, so excuse me if this seems a bit of non-linear thinking. I'm pretty sure I'm bi-curious, but I have no clue if I'm bi or gay or what-have-you. I'm male and I'm almost 22 (less than a week) and I've been in several sexual relationships with girls, although only one that was long term. On the one hand, the majority of girls that I've been with have been rather less than attractive, on the other hand... even my long-term girlfriend (who was extremely attractive) never quite seemed satisfying. I don't know how to explain it, she was great for a week or two but then I began to detach almost immediately. My dad always thought I was gay, ever since I was 15, and with him there was always a negative connotation involved. I grew up having to defend my heterosexuality from him, but I remember even in high school having many close female friends and not many/any male friends. On and off throughout the years I've had curious thoughts about men, but I never know how to feel about them and currently I don't have them as regularly as I did in years past. At the same time, I *have* had sexual thoughts about men. I feel like I have a lot of stereotypical signs of being gay (i.e. good sense of fashion, understanding interior design, sensitivity, heavily involved in the arts) and... I don't know. Once about a year ago I went over to a man's house and things got... decently heated between us. I left early the next morning and never acknowledged that it happened, but I was not entirely dissatisfied with the experience though I'm unsure if I'd be willing to repeat it. It's just... I don't know. I feel like I might be suppressing my true feelings and if that's what's leaving me entirely unsatisfied with my relationships I want to fix it, because I'm not happy. I've always wondered if I'm gay, ever since I can remember having sexual thoughts. I just don't know how to tell if I've repressed my feelings or if it's just curiosity, nothing more. I know logically the answer would be to have a few flings with men to see but the city I live in is so small the gay community all knows each other and my friend group has many friends in the gay community and I don't want to try and have them judge me if I end up finding out that I'm straight. I don't know what to do and I don't know if there's any other way to understand my sexuality. :/
Remember that just because your dad thought it and you haven't been attracted to the girls you've dated that much doesn't necessarily mean your gay! If your curious about it, the next time you have 'gay thoughts' let them happen. See where the fantasies go and how you feel about them. Then see how you feel about the whole thing. Don't force yourself to start looking at guys or anything because you 'might' be gay. Also ignore the stereotypes!
If you don't want to experiment close to home, how about going on vacation? And have you considered finding a therapist?
