So this is something that's been on my mind for awhile. So, maybe I just had some experiences that aren't good examples, but it seems to me so far that EVERY gay relationship I've been in, or friends have been in is a Sub/Dom relationship. Not even in BDSM, and even outside of sex. Like, one person has to be the Sub and another the Dom role. I simply don't understand why two people who love each other cant just love love each other without getting so complicated. Every person I've dated straight up tells me they're a sub (if I was forced to choose which one suits me best, I would be versatile with a sub preference.), so, I just don't know. Like, it scares me too. I really don't want to be cast into one role or the other, I want that freedom to be myself, and do anything I can to make my partner happy. Now this is by NO means me saying this is what all gay relationships are like, these are just my experiences. But, Does anyone else feel the same way?
Top, bottom, versatile, vers/top, vers/bottom. Everyone enjoys a slightly different role. They're just preferences, but I understand your frustration on roles sometimes dictating the relationships you can be in. Some people prefer bottoms, some tops, some versatile, and at other times you must be a total top (probably more relevant if you're looking for hookups). Being versatile leaves more doors open, I guess. The top/bottom question probably isn't as important or asked as early if two gays were to meet in some sort of old-fashion slowly get to know each other dating scheme, as opposed to those looking for immediate sex. Then what happens when two tops finally learn they're incompatible in the bedroom? One or both then probably compromises and possibly learns to become versatile. It seems gone are the days when personality came before sexual role... but it varies by scene I suppose. I'd never ask an acquaintance/new friend what his preferred role was, but that question pops up too often when people are looking for a night of fun.
Yeah, that's the thing. I really am pretty old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. More of a romantic than anything, not at all to say I'm asexual though. Anyways, I'm completely willing to compromise and take the role that my partner likes, just, I don't want to be that role thought the entire relationship. Anyways, I think he's versatile too so, that's at least nice.
Plenty of gay men want a romantic relationship without the roles and such, but you're right that it's rather common to see things divided into roles and categories. There are a lot of logical reasons for this that I won't describe here. Plus, it could be that your personality attracts role-oriented men, or that the places you meet men attracts that type.
