Hi All, I am 15 years old and from the lovely UK. I have known I liked guys from the age of about eleven but I suppose if I look back on my childhood I can remember having feelings for other boys. Several months ago I finally plucked up the courage and came out to my mum. I won't bore you with the details but it all went well, although she seems to think I should leave it until much later before telling anyone else outside the family (advice I do not intend to follow). Anyway after the initial high from telling someone had subsided I started having doubts, perhaps wandering whether I might actually be bi. I recently watched some straight porn to see what my reaction would be and was surprised to see that a part of me actually enjoyed it. Ever since then I have been a wreck of doubt and worry, it's dreadful having spent several years learning to accept a new version of yourself only to have it severely undermined. However I tend to find that I only find straight porn exciting and have basically never fantasised about girls (ok I suppose if I really think about it I can remember maybe one, perhaps two occasions). All the rest of my fantasies (far too many to even bother putting a figure on) are about boys. I have also had major crushes on several boys, but can only recall the odd mixed feeling for a few girls. I suppose the questions I really need answering are should I identify as bi or gay. Is it ok for really male preferring bisexuals (odd phrase I know) to identify as gay rather than bi and Should I share these concerns with my mother or would this add to her point of view that I am clearly too young to know these things about myself for sure (an attitude I detest). Lol it's rather ironic that most people questioning their sexuality are trying to convince themselves they're straight where as I'm trying to re-establish my gay identity! Oh well life is never simple!!! Any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!
Two main thoughts on this: a) It's porn - The whole point is to get the viewer turned on. And porn is not real life nor the best indicator of orientation. Being gay doesn't mean you are automatically going to be repulsed (or even indifferent) to straight porn. It's people having sex and you're a teenager. A good breeze blowing across the right spots can probably get you going. b) You could just take the approach that labels are for soup cans and not worry about it. Or think about it in terms of 'I'm into dudes' and let whether or not you are into females shake out in the wash. It will all work itself out eventually. In the meantime just go with the flow and see where it takes you. Just some thoughts, Todd
Okay, I know this feeling all too well. It's like "Okay, I've finally accepted myself for who I am!" and then all of a sudden you start questioning yourself. A decent portion of people would probably say porn is not a good indicator of sexuality, and I'd agree. Humans just tend to get turned on by "sexy" stuff, I suppose. There could be an aspect of the straight porn you enjoy, i.e., the man, and if you wanna go on the basis of that it would depend on what you find interesting within the pornography. I think the lack of fantasies about girls* say something more about your sexuality (mostly fantasies about guys? Sounds pretty close to gay to me) than you watching straight porn. I'd also say the crushes on boys are a reliable indicator as well, because you've developed some sort of feelings for them, but not really for girls. Yes, if you're a male-preferring bisexual you can identify as gay. You choose whatever label you think feels most right - but you don't need to pick a label right away either. Yes, it is ironic. I'm going through the same questioning myself, except whether or not I'm mostly attracted to girls or not. And no, life is not simple. But that's what makes it life. Good luck good sir, and have a good day.
Oh my, I'm actually dealing with the same thing here. For me, I just started to accept myself as gay for about a month and I've tried finding some gay friends for chat and to reassure myself. BUT! For as long as I lived (I'm 22) I have never had any crush in boys. Granted, I always think men very attractive but I have never had any romantic feelings with them. The thing is, I do have crushes with girls too. It's just I don't feel attracted to them sexually. I used to have straight porn, but now I never watch it anymore. Instead, I watch gay porn. Argh, you're not alone in this, I'm facing the most difficult time in my life too! :bang: Now I have no idea what I am! I wish this could be clearer any time soon...
Thank you very much for your kind words and support, I have come to the conclusion that this must be one of those annoying periods of self-doubt we all occasionally experience and I will continue to identify as gay. Once again cheers for all your support!
