I'm not sure what to say. I need someone to talk to but I can't talk to anyone I know in real life. I have had crushes on girls for several years now, but never acted on them. Freshman year of college I started dating my first boyfriend. I thought it would make me normal. Instead I found myself falling in love with my female best friend. Rather than get up the courage to talk to her, I kept dating my boy friend for three months, until he broke it off before we had ever even kissed. For the next three years I was always to busy to date. I was involved in clubs, volunteered in the community, worked part time and maintained an almost 4.0. If anyone asked, I was too busy (true), too shy (true), or too worried about my future career (true) to worry about boys. And then I graduated. Now that I have more time, I want to date. Which has brought me back to where I was four years ago: torn between starting a relationship I don't really want with a guy, or just staying single until....? Whatever I tell my conservative parents, I don't want to stay single forever. I want to fall in love with someone. I want to kiss someone. I'm just not sure that someone will be male and I can't disappoint my parents like that. I feel torn and angry with myself . I wish I could just wake up tomorrow with an amazing boyfriend my parents adore but I know it will probably never happen. I feel like I'm failing them. I apologize for any typos. I am trying to type this on my phone so it won't be in my computer history, because I am staying with my parents until I get a post-college job.
I'm always here if you want to send me a wall message or something. By the sounds of it, you do like girls, and there is definitely a level of emotional attachment there where you want a relationship with one. That's completely fine. I think what you need to work out is if you want a relationship with a guy. Can you see yourself in a long term relationship with a guy? Can you see yourself in a long term relationship with a girl? As for your parents, a lot of conservative parents are more understanding when it comes to their own child. Although you think they may not agree with it, they may come around if you decide to come out to them once you've figured yourself out. Your sexuality is your own, and you shouldn't feel pressured to conform to your parent's expectations of you. Yes, it is hard, and they have raised you after all. But whether you are gay, bisexual or straight, that is fine, and you are you. There is nothing wrong with it, and you aren't failing anyone. You are still you. Your sexuality is just a part of you, it's certainly not all of you. I hope this helps you in some way, and feel free to send me a wall message if you want to talk further
