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Afraid to Label Myself

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dancinonwater, Sep 2, 2013.

  1. dancinonwater

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    Hi everyone, I'm a 16 year old lesbian with a dilemma. This past year I realized that I am attracted to women and not to men, and with this I'm pretty confident. Labeling myself, on the other hand, is not something I'm so confident with. Right now, I really can't imagine myself ever dating a man, having sex with a man, marrying a man, or even kissing a man, but I'd love to do all these things with a woman. But honestly, I'm just afraid that I'm wrong. I have a friend who was sure she was a lesbian, but now she's with a guy and very happy and I'm scared that that will happen to me. I would obviously prefer not to label myself, but in this society, that just isn't an easy thing to do. Every guy I see- on the street, on tv- I ask myself if I would like being with him, as if I'm checking the validity of my sexuality, but the answer is always no, I wouldn't like being with him, no matter how attractive he may be. Does anyone have advice? When should I label myself? Is it okay to go back on a label?
    Thanks so much for your help.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    When you see guys on the street are you choosing to think about if you could see yourself with them or do you just find yourself doing it?

    You don't need to label yourself as anything if you don't want. Not many people are going to turn round and demand you tell them your orientation. Don't worry about going back on it. If you currently identify as a lesbian then currently you are a lesbian. If you find out a year from now you're head over heels for some guy nobody is going to stop you and say "Dude, you're a lesbian! Leave the guy alone!".

    You don't go back on it. Go with what feels natural and if it stops feeling natural don't worry about changing.
     
  3. AsIUsedToBe

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    You don't need a label. :slight_smile: just be yourself
     
  4. Feijoa

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    You're allowed to change your mind. :slight_smile: Find out, explore, discover!
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! As it was mentioned above, you don't need a label; or need to label yourself at this point - if ever. Not having a label will give you the chance to be more 'receptive' to different feelings.

    Explore your feelings, and follow your instincts. If something feels right, follow it. Your instincts at times are the best guide. In addition, I'd suggest joining a support group (if you haven't done so yet) so to be able to talk with others who have gone through similar experiences, which will help you to place your own experience in a better perspective as well. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Saint Otaku

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    My only piece of advice is to make sure you are relatively certain of yourself before you form a relationship that may end up hurting another if you find yourself incorrect in your identification. Of course, you're only 16 and have plenty of time to figure yourself out, so don't stress! ^.^
     
  7. Lizzy

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    I was about your age when my girlfriend tried to kiss me one evening, I freaked out and said no..but oh how I wish I would have said yes. I agree with the other post's don't label yourself. Just go with your feelings and desire's. It has been years since that incident but I would love to turn back the clock and just be myself at the moment. Be true to yourself and it will all come naturally.
     
  8. dancinonwater

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    It's a purposeful thing; I'm doing it to kind of reassure myself that I really am not into guys, it's not only because of the guys I've been with or seen. I would never think of a guy that way, or at least I don't currently, unless I force myself to.


    Thanks a lot for the advice and support!
    I guess I'll see where life takes me. For now, I'm only dating girls, and I'm very happy with that. If something changes, well, so be it.
     
  9. redneck

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    Yea there are people out there that want you to pin a label on yourself, if you want to please them go ahead and do so. My advice though is if you choose to label yourself remember that labels can be changed. Always change the label to fit you, NEVER change you to fit a label. Personaly I don't care if you label your sexuality as 'hippopotamus' or just leave it blank so long as your happy with the label.
     
  10. Dragonbait

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    Don't be in a rush to slap a label on it - hell I'm 30 years older than you and in so many ways (personally, professionally, sexually) I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

    Give yourself room, time and freedom to discover, mature, evolve and maybe someday even take a few steps back. We're human, we're organic, we're not meant to be stagnant. Put a label on inanimate objects, not yourself.
     
  11. Emulator

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    Labels are for soup cans, not people :wink: As mentioned above, putting a label on yourself just restricts your freedom to explore. Just keep an open mind about it.