Am I bi or gay if I don't find male nudity arousing? What is attraction? Confused.

I am having trouble determining if I am bi or lesbian, and I have managed to confuse myself repeatedly.
I know I like women, so I will not get into this aspect that much here, but I don't know if I like men so please help me clarify things.

I have once come out as gay, only to crawl back under the bi label because I have had some experiences with men after the "thunder and lighting" girlfriend experience. Now I am questioning this because my relationships with men repeatedly fail on the sexual/emotional level, and I am struggling to know whether I am actually sexually attracted to men or just confusing attraction to the person/desire for intimacy with sexual attraction.

1)With men I get primarily attracted to their personality. I can look at a man and think he is good looking, but I don't feel that male bodies are "hot" as such.

2)Female bodies arouse me, if I look at a photo of a nude "hot" guy and a "hot" girl, the girl will make me turned on, the guy not. So far I have assumed that this is not an obstacle to identifying as bi, since I did want to be close to guys in a romantic way, but I am not sure.

3) I have had relationships with both men and women, so far mostly men. I can fall in love with a guy and love him. A woman can make me feel electrified, and the sex is more emotionally fulfilling and more charged.

4) I can be fascinated by a guys personality and mind, and have sometimes fallen for men whom I have found physically unattractive, the sex was good, but not as great as with a woman. It was a means of getting close to them.

5) Now the most weird part: I feel that I can find a guy attractive in a non-sexual way: his body will not make me feel aroused, but yet I will make out with that guy and it will be good, presumably I get aroused by the idea of having sex and actually doing it.

6)It seems that from being with a man I want closeness, and sex is just a means of getting it. Does it mean that I am into them sexually? Is that what sexuality is about? or is it about finding people physically arousing, because I find women much more arousing. Which one is it? Am I fooling myself that I am bi if I don't find guys hot?

7) I shall add that I do also desire emotional closeness with women, it is not just purely about arousal, I did not elaborate on that here because I am not questioning my attraction to women.

In short: attracted to both genders esthetically, desiring emotional closeness with both, attracted to both on a personality level, enjoyed sex with both, although preference/more fulfilling with women, don't find male nudity arousing at all, don't "perv" over males at all, female nudity on the other hand is very arousing. Bi or gay?

Thank you!

 

Re: Am I bi or gay if I don't find male nudity arousing? What is attraction? Confused

Arousal is not the same thing as sexual attraction -- you could, in theory, be sexually attracted to someone without being aroused by them. However, based on the fact that it sounds like you really don't care about sex with men for its own sake, it doesn't seem like you are sexually attracted to men.

But sexual attraction isn't the only type of attraction. In this case, aesthetic and romantic (and maybe sensual, depending on why making out with a guy feels good to you) are probably the most relevant. None of these are necessarily related to any other type of attraction. So it is perfectly possible to be romantically attracted to men without being sexually attracted to them. Since you also like women, the most relevant label would be biromantic homosexual. Of course, feel free to ignore it if it doesn't actually fit.

It is interesting that you say your relationships with men fail on an emotional as well as sexual level. Could you see a relationship with a guy working out if it was emotionally, but not sexually, fulfilling? Or is sex necessary for the emotional part of the relationship?

These last questions are probably the most important. If you can't see a romantic relationship with a guy working out, then gay may be a better choice of label than bi.

 

Re: Am I bi or gay if I don't find male nudity arousing? What is attraction? Confused

You could always try to find a transsexual to date, because they'll have the body (mostly) of a woman but may also still have the mind of the man they were originally. Just a thought? Lol