Okay, so in this arduous process of requestioning my sexuality, I'm still trying to sort out my feelings for guys v. girls. I'm sorry if this post bounces back and forth a lot or doesn't make enough sense. The frame of what's going on now: Currently single, ex girlfriend and I broke up on mutual terms but there's still a lot of lingering feelings, confusion, and dealing with adjustment. For most of July I was pretty "depressed" and lethargic. Also dealing with some bad stress from last minute finishing of summer homework and probably experiencing some form of burn-out. I'm lacking in energy, and while I'm still functioning, it's not on my normal level. Overall I just feel weird, my expressions have become more flat and I haven't felt much beyond anxiety and some weird emptiness, numbness, or something of that nature. --- Recently, I've been thinking of relationships/sex with guys (or gender neutral people?) more often. I honestly have no idea why; thoughts of dating/sex with guys have only come up when I've been questioning my sexuality. Though, it doesn't really seem like "me" when I think about being the "woman". The guys I think about are generally faceless. I think for a small period of time, around the age of twelve, there were guys in video games I found "attractive" or "hot"? It just seems really weird that I've been having thoughts about guys recently; maybe it's to help me sort things out? But for the most part I've thought about girls, and my real life childhood crushes have been on girls. I've just felt drawn to them for some reason. Thoughts of girls are a lot fewer than and instead of being "Oh, wow, she's hot/attractive/etc", it's become more like "Wow, she's pretty". I don't feel those super-butterflies about girls right now, and when I try to think of a relationship with a girl it's sometimes replaced with thoughts of a straigh relationship, or it's not a pleasant feeling. Relationships and/or sex with girls don't seem appealing right now (not that I planned on dating anyone for a while anyway). It's almost a struggle to think about it. Does my current lack of sexual interest in girls mean I'm bisexual? Or does it just mean I'm going through a weird spot right now because of the breakup? One of my biggest points of confusion is differentiating between attraction, just friendly feelings, etc. for guys. I generally feel that guys are, well, just my friends, and I tend to bond with them on a deep, fond/friendly way. The thought of a relationship with them or anything like that makes me feel confused and weirded out. I feel like I'm mistaking this fondness for actual feelings of romantic attraction, but how can you tell the difference? When I think of a romantic partner, I think of a woman, but I bond with guys easier. This makes me feel guilty, as if I just "haven't found the right guy/given a guy a chance"... but I dunno, dating guys just seems weird to me. Thanks for taking the time to read/respond. I hope I explained myself well enough and this post wasn't stupid. x_x
I know how you feel; I tend to bond with guys more and easier as well, but I am unsure if that is a sign of latent sexuality or something. Personally it COULD BE about the break up because very similarly when my last crush left and never came back, I was hurt and was not in the mood for a romantic relationship at all. If you see yourself in a relationship with a woman and are happy with that, go with that, and no; this post is not stupid, we've all been there before.
It could also be that having just come out of a relationship you brain is still in 'relationship mode'. You said yourself there are some lingering feelings, so it might just be a coping mechanism. If you think about guys, you know you won't act on it. If you think about girls, you might. Or you might now find yourself not thinking of anyone as particularly smokin' hot until you stumble upon the right person...either way it's not something to worry about too much necessarily.
Unknown - For me, I suppose it's because I've always been more gender neutral/masculine, so hanging with guys is generally not an issue. I mean I have plenty of lady friends that I love to spend time with as well, but in a friendly way I connect with guys "better". I guess it's just annoying trying to split actual interest v. just considering guys good friends. ElliaOtaku - Yeah, the "being stuck in relationship mode" makes sense. However, I'm still trying to grasp at straws at to why I'm having these thoughts about guys at all - it's pretty uncharacteristic of me and is what's leading to most of my confusion. I'll take the advice about not worrying about it as well, since I tend to focus on these kinds of things until I've gone absolutely nuts thinking about it. Thanks to you both!
So do I, I connect on a friendly level much more than guys; when I hang out with some of my guy friends; I seem to have a better time; not exactly sure why, just do.
