Okay, so I've grappled with this for some time and since joining this site a few weeks back I've been wanting to put this out there and now is the time. I've known I've been attracted to guys for a long time. I do have some physical attraction to girls and a definite strong emotional/ romantic attraction to women. I feel like I have love for guys but in the way that Jesus commands us to love one another. Again, relatively strong physical attraction to guys; weaker physical attraction to girls. Relatively strong emotional/romantic attraction to girls; purely platonic love for men. All that being said I've I'm still a virgin but have fooled around with members of both sex. I felt somewhat electrified initially making out with a guy but didn't enjoy it all that much as things developed. I've certainly enjoyed making out with girls. One of the reasons I've struggled so much is because my dad died of HIV/AIDS in the early 1990s. He had sex with a hooker overseas and got the deadly virus. I'm quite freaked out by it. At any rate, I've had a bit of a boom-a-rang relationship with a dear friend of mine for almost 8 years now. We've gone through various stages of dating to being just friends back to dating, back to friends etc . I feel the reason I was never able to move to the next level with her is because I was so unsure of my sexuality. Even now I'm not 100 % sure. Sometimes I think I'm bi . . . but what if I'm gay . . . . but I am still physically attracted to women and have a strong emotional/ romantic attraction towards them. This friend of mine and I know we love each other vary much and I want nothing more than to have her in my life for the rest of my life. We've been apart for sometime now and have been getting closer and closer and closer than we've ever been before. Besides my own issues with dealing with my confusing sexuality in the past there were just some big key things that I felt that we weren't compatible on; however, in the last six months its as if time has been speeding up and one by one these important key things that I needed her to be for me have suddenly all coming to fruition. Those things deal with money habits, health and wellness and most importantly spirituality. Now she has literally become everything I've ever wanted and needed in a woman. I feel also that I need to be honest with her about this part of me but don't know how to since on some levels I don't exactly know where I fall. If this is something that we can make work I want to be transparent. Please let me know what you guys think about what I've shared with you and what you think I should do here. Much love
Bro, may I call you bro? Any way, I don't know how much I can help you seeming as I'm sort of in the same boat as you. All I wanted to do was say you're not alone
