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Confused... And want to try a girl...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by tomtomtom, Sep 4, 2013.

  1. tomtomtom

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    I'm a 26-year old male. And after these many years I'm still confused... Here's my story.

    I've always been confused about my orientation. During high school, I watched straight porn as well as a little bit gay porn. Initially, I found gay porn not attractive at all, but later on I found some are even more attractive than straight porn. Honestly, I've never had too strong sexual desire to boys or girls when I was younger. I just remember I admired a few guys in my high school and wanted to hang out with them. However I do jerk off a lot.

    In university, a gay guy sucked me during the second year. That was the first time I ever had sexual contact with another person. He liked me. I did not like him, I just wanted a blow job so I didn't refuse. The blow job felt weird.. Later on we did it a few more times, and I started to like it. It was a strange feeling that I think I like the sexual action itself, not that person in particular.

    Gradually, I realized what seems to be attractive to me: muscles and dicks. I started to like to see a naked fit guy. I didn't find a naked woman particularly arousal.

    Later, I experienced a period that I was really depressed and desperate. An easy choice was made - to come out with some of my friends. I told some close friends that I like guys. They provided a lot of support and I was quite happy. Then I found a boyfriend. Everything seemed so good. We had fight from time to time but life was okay. But There's one thing I found confusing - I didn't like to fuck ass or being fucked... I definitely hated both, not enjoying at all. I found my interest to dicks is mostly to look at them and to touch them... Blow jobs are fine but less of a turn on as touching.

    In the meantime, about my feelings with girls - I've lived with a girl roommate before living with my boyfriend. She was a close friend. I did feel excited when we went out and people though we were couples. But I never felt particularly aroused by a female body. A girl gave me a blow job a few years ago. It felt just as weird as my first time with a guy... However I do get more turned on by being admired by a girl than by a guy. I never really fucked a girl. But I really really want to do it. I want to do it in a better way - with at least a close friend, not a girl in the bar or an escort. So that makes it even harder.

    Now onto my own values - Although I am still really confused (or in denial some of you might say), I really appreciate being like this. I do think this is a gift and it makes me to think a lot of things much deeper. However here are also some other things that I truly believe:
    - I don't think, for me, I can live with a guy forever.
    - I think the kind of relationship I desire with a guy is to have a really intimate bro that can have body contact with (sound weird right?). I like the relationship of brothers...
    - I do want children, with my blood.
    - Lastly, my family background is kind of conservative and I don't think my parents or relatives can accept the fact that I want to live with a man forever.

    So, thanks for reading so many words... Here are my questions -

    What do you guys think I am? gay? bi? gay in denial? something else?
    Do you think I should try have sex with a girl?
    And what do you think would be the best way to find a girl? I am not a particularly attractive guy... I'm probably naive, but I kind of want to do it with a real friend...

    Thanks.
     
  2. Cody25

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    Well, tomtomtom, I think I might just try to give my best thoughts on your questions and go from there...

    -What do you guys think I am? gay? bi? gay in denial? something else?

    From what I read, it sounds like you are bi. However, I am in no position to put a label on your life. You are what you are, and that is for you to decide how you want to label it. If you want to be with men, be with them. If you find a girl to be with and you enjoy that, then by all means continue. Don't pressure yourself to label everything you do, it WILL stress you out in the end and probably accomplish nothing. Just live life as it happens.

    -Do you think I should try have sex with a girl?

    If you are attracted to girls and want to try it, then by all means go for it. However, from personal experience, whenever I asked myself this question it was because I already knew what the outcome would be and I wanted to prove myself wrong. Reflect on why you think you should be asking this before you decide to act on it.

    -And what do you think would be the best way to find a girl? I am not a particularly attractive guy... I'm probably naive, but I kind of want to do it with a real friend...

    As a gay male, I really don't have an answer for this... :help: However, if you have any friends that you think would be okay with taking the relationship to another level, maybe you should make a move and see what happens. Be careful with friends though, if you end up not enjoying it, this could ruin a friendship...

    I hope all works out for you! Please keep us updated and if you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask :slight_smile:
     
  3. LesbianGirl

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    My opinion? Experiment. There's nothing wrong with it! Sorry about the bad response but I'm a lesbian high schooler, so I obviously don't have much experience
     
  4. tomtomtom

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    Thanks a lot Cody and LesbianGirl! Yeah I think I will experiment a little bit. I just feel like sometimes I'm even too confused to think. Sometimes I got upset because this has consumed too much of my life... So yeah I should stop labelling myself.