Hey folks of EC. Lately, I've been feeling sort of.. left behind on the developement curve people my age should be on. My friends are all (those who seem to care about these things) moving forward either sexually or romantically while me on the other.. I'm 22 and the furthest I've ever gone with someone is making out on the dance floor (which I later on found that I only enjoyed because the guy was so into me and it felt nice feeling wanted). Now make no mistake, I'm quite content with myself and while I do feel lonely at time, it doesn't consume me or make me that sad. My sex-drive is quite high and it feels like my body is trying to tell me something. At what point in life should one start feeling like they seriously need to start putting themselves out there? I sort of feel like my "peak" is going to waste and that I'll regret it later in life if I don't do something (or rather, someone (!)) soon. To the point where I'm considering going against my one steady principle of waiting until someone I really like comes along and just... going for the first best thing I stumble across. Any advice for me please?
I think you should just start dating. You said you were waiting for someone you really like...are your standards to high? I mean, do you think you are waiting for the "perfect" person to come along? There's nothing wrong with dating people you like and keeping it casual. Let things progress naturally. You might find you like them more as time goes on or you might not. Either way at least you're out there. Don't feel pressure to have sex just because you are in your "peak" years. Focus on getting to know people and having fun. Also, I've learned in life that you have to actively seek out and nurture relationships. Waiting for people to come along is not a good method for meeting people. Trust me, I've made this mistake for too long now.
Sometimes, the initiation is not planned or scheduled. Once it has occurred, for many, dialing it back to abstaining is difficult. Proceed without haste, especially if you are looking for a situation that is both emotionally and physically satisfying.
do what you want to do. you dont have to do it because everyone else is doing it. of course you can date people and see where it leads, but you dont HAVE to. only do it whne you feel comfortable, which could be 2 weeks from now or even now, or 2 years from now. life doesnt come with set age limits of things we have to do xyz by. its all down to the person involved. some people never dated until they were 25, some didnt lose their virginity till 30, or even 50, it just depends on you and what you want to do. if someone judges you for not having done ___ or ___ then they arent worth your time. if youve never had something though how do you know youre missing out on it? sex is overrated though by a lot of people, it can be great yes but mostly people exaggerate things. dont put pressure on yourself thinking everyone else is doing this i must do it, or ill be left out. you can of course do that but its not something i recommend because then you wont benefit from it at all, itll be done because you felt like you HAD to from your pressure you might put on yourself because you might feel your life doesnt match up to everyon elses. it can be an awkward stage in life sometimes, but it does get easier and better. dont put so much pressure on yourself and dont think about it too much, you can just go out and meet people and see whos out there you dont have to persue anything serious with them
If this is your one steady principle don't go against it because of what everyone else is doing. I was nearly 25 before I slept with anyone, or... actually, now that I think about it, before I'd even kissed someone "properly". It was a complete surprise when it did happen, but it was with someone I was very close to and three years on we're still together I am more in love with her by the day. Like you, I was determined to wait until it felt like it meant something, and that's how long it took for me. Everyone around me was dating and having relationships, and yes, sometimes I felt a little left behind, but even then I didn't regret my holding out for something special. I've never for a moment regretted waiting, it's what was right for me!
