Do all gay men "feel different" when they are younger?

I'm sure all men feel different when they are younger but it doesn't nessacarily have an impact their sexuality. What you have mentioned here is pretty much irrelevant pertaining to sexuality. There's no cookie cutter gay man so just keep that in mind.

But yes, I did have these feeling of being different. But I knew that what activites one participates in has no effect on one's sexuality. It's more of what a person feels inside of them (or as DHT puts it: Listen To Your Heart) that determines a person's orientation.

 

I suppose I did have a sense of being different, which was at once liberating and dangerous. Liberating because before I knew that it could be dangerous, I was open about my preferences, once I learned that such openness exposed me to ridicule, I shut that down.

Being "different" in the sense of orientation is sensing that what you prefer is different from what most prefer. It affects everything because communities are based pretty much on mutual preferences, tastes, values, etc. "I like what you like, let's be friends".

Hence you prefer something else: that isolates you, and it's not a comfortable place to be.

When I shut myself down, I betrayed myself and did not respect my own desires. This shutting down is akin to the following three lines from a poem from William Butler Yeats Easter, 1916:

"Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart.
O when may it suffice?"

 

Yes. Unequivocally so. But it was sort of like this: I noticed that my peers did not notice details as much as I did, did not question things as intensely, and were not as reflective as I was. I could be wrong, but I think that things were simpler upstairs for them, and they were probably more "devil may care" because of that. I know that my parents sometimes would get annoyed with all the questions I would ask. Lucky for my parents, there was a library and a librarian I could bother! That it extended into the realm of sex was not a connection I made at that time.

 

I know too well the feeling of exclusion and being an oddity.

 

I always felt different, awkward and excluded from early childhood on. I honestly don't know if it was because of being gay, or if I was just odd. I have a sister very close to my age (who is straight, as far as I know), who was equally odd--maybe more so--and had similar problems, and two younger siblings who are polar opposites in many respects, but had no real social issues. Maybe it was just me.

I do know that as I got older, particularly when I hit middle school, the feeling of being different got much worse and I was bullied pretty frequently (mentally/emotionally, not physically), both at school and by my not-much-younger brother. I was pretty unappealing--overweight, socially awkward, unattractive, etc. which made me an easy target. I also came to the gradual realization that I was staring at other guys and it was not being received well, although I didn't chalk it up to anything but my own personality. The prospect that I was gay didn't really hit clearly until college, and I hated the thought because it felt like that was just one more way that I was different and would never fit in.

I would be very hesitant to blame it ALL on being a gay kid, although that had something to do with it, definitely. But my brain did seem to work differently from other kids' brains, and it still does. I have a very clear memory and a very different way of absorbing and processing and storing information from other people. I always related better to older people and had a very different set of interests and concerns from other kids my own age. But I was clearly different enough from the boys my age when I was a kid that they generally wanted nothing to do with me.

 

In hindsight, I remember how uncomfortable I was around older boys.

 

I don't remember ever feeling too different than what I figure is a normal amount. I guess I had kinda different sexual urges and my actions around attractive guys weren't normal, but I didn't realize it at that time.

Side note, about the bi or gay war, I have had the same thing going on since I realized I liked guys. Just remember that you don't need to label yourself.

 

I don't know how my "straight" peers felt so I can't really say for certain whether I "felt" any different from them. I can say, however, that I was a loner (much as I am now) until I was 15 years old. At that time I seemed to unconsciously decide that high school was going to suck if I didn't make some friends (and I suspect I was correct). So I made some friends, lots of them in fact, and high school was awesome. Keep in mind, however, I was in denial the whole time. Strangely, during this period, no one ever questioned why I never had a girlfriend or ever showed any interest in getting one. At any given time, one of my friends always seemed to be single and not preoccupied with finding a new girlfriend so I always had someone to hang out with. Also, my closest friends smoked a lot of pot and listened to heavy metal music which seemed to keep the girls away (hmmmm, coincidence?) After university, however, I slowly tired of this pattern and one by one I started dropping my friends. They were getting married and having kids and I found that I could no longer relate to them and did not wish to. I have been largely friendless for ten years now and, frankly, I like it.

 

I remember feeling different. I chalked it up to being disabled. In hindsight this might have been why I didn't deal with my sexual feelings well.

 

I think that sexuality at least in my case had very little to do with how different I felt when I was very young, I think that most people will recall feelings of awkwardness and seperation when you ask them about it (I certainly do), I don't think its really unique, as well as if you asked people if they had warm and happy occasions most would say yes to that too. As soon as I hit puberty and became aware of sexuality however, I do feel as though it had an impact on my social interactions and I did feel 'different' and probably more so than a secure heterosexual of the same age would have felt ;(

 

I felt different as well, but I don't think that had to much with my sexual orientation. I've actually spoken to a lot of straight people who said they feel different too, so I think it's that uncommon. I guess the real truth is that we feel different because we are.

Maybe what people may be referring to when they say they feel different is more connected to thoughts rather than just a "feeling". Such as, "I felt different because most girls were checking out guys while I was checking out the girls".

 

I definitely remember feeling A LOT more "Locker room envy" [which was how I dismissed my feelings at the time] than any of the other boys my age.

 

Great point. I think that a person who is 100% straight but has also been sort of quirky throughout their life would also probably have felt different when young. I think that anybody who hasn't been the poster child for conformity and what's cool 24/7/365 probably feels different. That should ease people's "burden." I mean, I felt different, but not that different.

 

Gay people are no different than straight people i rest my case

 

All I experienced that was 'unusual' was that when I discovered porn, the penis was what fascinated me. The second pornographic search I ever punched into google was specifically of the male persuasion, and after that, regardless of the context of what I was looking at, the man was the focus of my interest. I just assumed I was a little unusual. I certainly felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I only had one friend and I didn't want to risk losing him. Otherwise, I suppose even from a young age muscular men had fascinated me. I guess that's about it.

 

I did sort of feel left out, I was the awkward kid. I used to walk around making engine noises and I was extremely competitive in class and on the sports field. I went to 3 primary schools and 2/3 I was fine, one of the popular kids the 3rd one I strggled a bit as I joined mid year and my parents marriage started to fall apart (I'm hyper sensitive to emotion) and that showed through as I introverted and stayed till high school. But high school wasn't as bad as primary school and by the time I had rehit my stride I was back to my normal self, except this time people did not like me for it as I am extremely open minded and I thought rules were a joke, also I would defend people if they were being bullied or slagged(result of my parents divorce or Catcher In The Rye). I guess I was just a normal kid, interested in girls etc, TBH don't even know why I'm questioning. Relax no need to label now...even though most of the time your head will want you too(happening to me currently) just do your upmost not to let this affect your lifes progress too much, remember that nothing that makes you, you changes because of your sexuality. Like I say to people who feel I spend too much time working on cars, love is love

 

I'd give yourself a rest over this and just see what develops. Don't rush to label yourself. Nothing is black or white and ...you may be grey.

Things may be clearer in time and when the right person comes along you will know what is right.