Okay, I read some older posts around 2012 and some in 2013 and have realized that many of you think that hocd isn't real. This kind of annoys me. See, I'll be honest with this community, why do you just try to tell people they are most likely gay when they say that they have hocd when you have not gone through it? It is a branch of OCD as you can have many different types of OCD's , as LONG as you obsess over something and you for sure know that you just aren't that person. Yes, I have developed HOCD and have had it for the past year and a half. I've always liked girls, infact still get horny over them and love porn with girls but cannot watch couple porn because too many thoughts seem to destroy me. In fact, let me explain to you my life before HOCD. I HATED homosexuals, yes I'll be honest with you. I did not believe in it and did not like to talk to anyone who was a homosexual. Till one day I was hit with HOCD , thought wouldn't stop coming into my head telling me what IF you're gay? I would explode, and would not be able to just control the thoughts that came to my head and still have troubles. I am not religious so I don't really care about the fact if I am gay or not. It just didn't make any sense because of how I despised them before. Went to my doctor and they were able to diagnose me as an OCD patient more specifically HOCD. People with HOCD tend to be checking themselves at all times to see if they get hard towards other guys or girls depending on your sex. And when my HOCD was at its peak I would e checking on a constant bases. And especially if I saw any 'good looking' guys or anything my ind would constantly keep asking if I am attracted and want him? Never got a boner. I tried telling myself you know what you are gay and get over it. But I could not because I just know that I am a straight human being. I told myself that I would not despite homosexual individuals anymore and have successfully been working on this for the past year and a half. I am sorry for those homosexuals that this offends but this is the society we live in that it affected people like me. Also, it is very hard to beat this as it's one of the most evil OCD types but never give up. I even told myself you know what I'm bisexual then since I know for a fact i still like girls and still get attracted to girls and STILL want girls, but the troubling part of this was that when hocd is at its peak its very hard to get hard for girls or anything as the hole that ocd digs for you is greater than you sexual levels. But after some time I am starting to get sexual over time again. And I try to let the thought that come into my head just 'be' and not respond or question it because then it makes the anxiety even worse. Let me be honest with you though, people that read through some of these advice that they receive and if they truly are not denying then this spikes their HOCD/OCD like crazy because we are always in doubt. Because in reality you can't be 100% sure about anything. So please if you have not gone through HOCD or OCD for that matter don't go out acting like you know it all about what we are going through. Yes I am kind of angry at some of the responses that I read because this can really end up hurting people. Now I have not fully beaten my OCD as it disseapeared for a while then came back and kind of branched to other types of OCD's as well lately including the HOCD one. But for thoes out there who think they have this should immediately go out to their doctors and seek a psychiatrist for help. You know I would truly like to not despise homosexuals at ALL, but if some of you keep telling people that they are GAY because you THINK there is no such a thing as HOCD this will not help people like me. This is an explanation through someone with OCD and how he feels. And I hope it helps others understand how we really feel..it really does suck I have this anxiety but hopefully when I beat it completely one day I will let you all know 100% what I really was. I truly did try to tell myself I was gay or BI but it's not who I am. Bash me if you want for some of the things I said but I just wanted to be honest and help people understand and accept that there is such a thing as HOCD, because YES you do obsess about maybe being gay OR vice versa.
First, no one at EC ever tells anyone what their orientation is. It is neither our place, nor anyone else's to tell anyone what their orientation is. Nor do we tell anyone that OCD isn't real, because it is, and a small number of people with OCD have, as one of their compulsions, a focus on their sexual orientation. But this is OCD, not HOCD. That said, what EC tries to do is help people separate out behaviors and beliefs that look like fear and denial from those that look like a misplaced or misinterpreted analysis of what's actually going on. In short, there are plenty of poeple who come to EC and think they're gay, but we're able to tell them that, based on what they're describing, they don't sound gay at all. And there are plenty of others who likely are actually gay, but are having trouble accepting it, and for those, too, the members will tell them what they're observing, based on the descriptions. Please be clear. HOCD is not a "branch" of OCD. What you're talking about is piain old garden variety OCD, and yours happens to be centered on questioning your sexual orientation. Nope, there is only one form of OCD described in the DSM. It certainly affects people in different ways, but we don't have "homosexual OCD" as a standalone diagnosis any more than we have "locking doors OCD" or "flipping light switches OCD" or "hand washing OCD" There's only OCD. That's an oversimplification, and we need to be careful. There are plenty of people who are a bit obsessive but it does not rise to the level of OCD. So let's not go overboard here. OK, that sounds like someone who's straight. You don't say what age you are, but that isn't that uncommon among teens whose sexuality is emerging. (It also isn't uncommon among people who are gay and in denial. There's an avalanche of data in the psych and sexology literature supporting this.) If the medical professional doing the diagnosis is competent, this would not be a meaningful factor in making the determination. Just curious... you say "your doctor." While your symptoms do sound like they are likely a match for OCD, who actually made the diagnosis? A psychiatrist? Internist? Psychologist? And how long did you talk with him or her before the diagnosis was rendered? I'm highly suspect of any credible medical professional diagnosing HOCD because it is not a recognized diagnosis. OCD yes... HOCD, no. People with OCD constantly obsess or exhibit compulsive behavior on whatever their compulsion/obsession is. This makes sense. It does sound like you have symptoms consistent with OCD. Have you discussed treatment options with your doctor? There are a number of medications that can be pretty effective in treatment of OCD. It also, over time, has pretty good success with therapy. Usually, a comprehensive treatment plan should include both. I think if you actually read the responses here about OCD and HOCD (as well as other threads where people are questioning their sexuality,) you'll find that people very rarely do that here, and if someone does, they are generally pretty quickly contradicted by a bunch of other people. In short... for the most part, I think you're angry at a bunch of folks who haven't done anything wrong. Other than the label itself, what you're describing is something we see pretty commonly here, and most of the people here who post on this topic call it as we see it... if there are clear signs someone has same-sex attraction, we'll tell 'em, and if they sound straight, we'll tell 'em that too.
Yes, it is true that HOCD truly doesn't exist, but when people try to explain the type of OCD they are having this is what they would label it , so that the doctor can do CBT to what the patient really is having troubles with. I am 20 years old and started having this at 19, a bit passed being a teenager. Well I'm not sure, I read that you wrote at one of your posts that people who are gay like to be around gay people, while I'm the opposite, not because I dislike them (not anymore) but because it spikes my anxiety and OCD for reasons which I have no clue. Also, my doctor was a psychiatrist who has treated a few with this type of OCD, and when I explained to him the things that I was going through he stated that it was in fact HOCD, but also pointed out there really is just OCD but called different things by people going through different thoughts during having OCD. And yes, maybe i got angry at some folks that I thought from reading what they said that they personally think all individuals going through sexual OCD must be in denial, let me tell you something else. The reason it kind of upset me was because reading through it made me have thoughts that I must be in denial and I'm going to come out all of a sudden and be completely attracted to guys and wanting to be with them which spiked up my anxiety to another level. I was here reading posts like these because I am trying to put myself around these type of chats more so that my thoughts become irrelevant and bother me less if some people were wondering to why I would go out and search things like these.
So I know, being on the receiving end of similar questions about my gender identity, how hard this kind of thing is to answer. But in general, if someone with OCD comes here for help, what is the best way to provide help and support in your view? From our side it's a challenge. When someone comes in and says to us that they have HOCD, that takes a lot of cards out of our deck so to speak. Their questioning their orientation is already a disorder so we can't tell them it's normal, everyone questions their orientation from time to time. Also I tend to give advice from personal experience. With me the tone is "well this is what worked for me". I can't do that in this case, because any of the ideas I have are going to be things that the other person can't stop obsessing over. The closest thing to common ground I have is, a lot of trans people have their orientation change with hormones, and mine hasn't yet (and might not). So the thing someone claiming HOCD is terrified of, is a reality I had to accept fairly early on in my transition. Which makes finding common ground very difficult. Now I can start there and talk about how I came to terms with that fact, and the reasons I still identify as a lesbian for the time being. But this approach, when I've tried it, hasn't had very great outcomes if I'm going to be honest. I end up dancing a fine line. I want the other person to not be worrying about this constantly, but I don't want to come out and just say that, because I don't want to come across as dismissive and I do understand that this is causing them a lot of pain and is real to them. The one thing I absolutely can't do is just tell them that they are gay or straight. That's anyone OCD or not. So I want to take this opportunity, since you have given this a lot of thought, to just ask what I can or even should do. I do want to make it clear, short term peace of mind is not a goal of mine. I came to the gay community at the beginning of the year when I was coming out to my then fiancee, and received just the most amazing advice. Sometimes I didn't even need advice, just a place to vent and people who had understood and had been there. And that's what I want to be. I just don't know how to be that to someone that tells me they have HOCD. Because the further I push toward telling someone that being gay isn't something to lose sleep over, the closer I come to being dismissive. I really feel like I can't win. On the other hand, if someone comes in saying they are questioning their sexuality - which someone claiming HOCD is definitely doing - I feel a lot less like a fish out of water.
That's a great question. What I think would be the best way to help people out in figuring out if this is truly HOCD is to sit and think about a few things in your own personal life. What I mean by this is to think about some questions that you found answers to in your life; for example did you deep down know that you WERE a different orientation and were trying to deny it in some ways? What gender did you think of truly when you had sexual experiences (masturbation or during sex etc). Were you constantly checking for 'signs'? Like checking to see if you are turned on towards people without knowing so? Were you always like what if I turned into liking another gender? DID you like being turned onto the same sex gender or different sex gender or was this something that you believed to be something that is not who you are? Because deep down I believe we obviously know what we are and denial would be to deny to the outer world what or who we want to be. But behind the curtains you are truly who YOU want to be. And I believe instead of saying what you think they are , people should give their side to how they felt and if they liked it DEEP down and i'm not talking about if the society likes who you are but if you liked it and you ENJOYED it. When you let people know these I think they could sit down and differentiate and for one day atleast or more feel happy that someone helped them feel better. I know no one here wants to make other people who actually have OCD any more anxious and have more occurring problem then they already have. But this is why I'm just letting out my thoughts and if you truly want to help people who come in here asking for advice you would think about what I wrote about on top and LET them decide for themselves when they can kind of compare and contrast what they feel to how others felt (doesn't mean the others had to have OCD). Hope this helped you understand how you can help us sexually frustrated OCD individuals.
I think a lot of that is good advice. And the last, letting someone decide for themselves, is something I always tried to do. I would honestly be surprised if someone here wasn't doing that. I know this is a big forum with lots of people but that's one unspoken rule I've never seen anyone break since I came here. That I can remember off the top of my head anyway. A couple things I think I'm still not 100% on, So I am not a therapist. Zero training in this department. And I really feel like this isn't my place. If someone comes in and says they have OCD and that theirs is fixated on their sexuality, I am simply going to take them at their word. If they come in and tell me differently, then I say okay. If they do it a lot, I might make a mental note that this person is figuring things out. My goal is more, being there while the other person figures things out, and then once they know who they are, sharing some of the strategies I picked up along the way as far as coming out of the closet. But I'm just one person. So my question is, is that a common reason do you think, why people claiming hOCD would come to places like this? The other thing, So I'm a little confused as to why I'd be asking these sorts of questions. I do know that there is what I like to call the "traditional narrative" out there. I fall into this with my gender identity. It was something I really knew deep down but denied for a long time. But one thing I've found since talking to people more, is that a lot of people kind of get my narrative shoved down their throats so to speak, and it makes it harder for them to come out. The term we use is "true transsexual (tm)", and I'm sure there's an equivalent for sexual orientation. The result is, a lot of people that really are gay, bi, or trans, assume they couldn't be because they didn't know at an early age, and they get delayed coming out and even well into straight lives with partners they shouldn't be with in part because of this. I'm going to spoiler this next bit because I can't remember if you said you suffered from hOCD or not. Spoiler Another issue is, sexuality is fluid for some people; some people might have been straight early on but are undeniably gay now. So what I'm getting at is, a lot of the time for people without any form of OCD, these kinds of questions are actually a problem. A lot of people take years and years to figure themselves out. And a lot of us that have figured ourselves out, have the occasional straight crush or livid dream that sets us back to wondering. What I'm getting at, is that there is I think a lot more overlap between what someone who says they have hOCD goes through, that people without any kind of OCD at all go through. Sex and gender are just plain difficult messy things. Now it may very well be that I'm simply missing the thrust of these questions. And if so I'm really hoping you can tell me what the goal of my asking them would be. But it sounds an awful lot like, if you'll forgive my saying so, you're operating under the assumption that all of us know we're gay or straight deep down to begin with. From what I've seen, that is simply not the case.
Well let me get to my point here, I still suffer through HOCD but not as much as before, less panic attacks and such. But it doesn't make any sense if you were to tell me you were always attracted to girls then all of a sudden bam that's gone and now you're attracted to guys or vice versa. It just doesn't, many of the homosexuals I have spoken to had known from the beginning or had a clue that they were homosexuals or bi's etc but wasn't fully sure till later on or just didn't want their family and etc to know. Why I chose to come to a place like this, was, purely to get my self reading forms and such of every sexual orientated person. This would be called cognitive therapy of some sorts, exposing my mind to everything that causes anxiety and trying to make it calm down. before I used to search things like 'how do i know i'm gay' etc to see if I really am..didn't have anything i matched with. Read some articles that were also written y gay individuals that helped me understand and know who I am. Even if i know what i am, these thoughts don't stop coming. When things were at its worst I couldn't think of any guy friends and not have sexual thoughts that I couldn't control come into my head that would disturb me. And let me tell you something else, this moved onto girls too, at one point I thought I liked every girl i talked to. So i distanced myself from both for a while, and broke up with my girlfriends while doing so because I thought i always had feelings for every girl i saw. That's all details I'll go into for now to keep it short to how BAD things had gotten for me. You wouldn't ask these questions to the other people but ask these questions to yourself and tell them those answers and see what they can compare with. People come here to see and find out MAYBE if they are gay. IDC what I am, I don't , as long as these obsessions go away I don't care, if i'm BI i don't' care but deep down I do know that I am NOT into datin and such with guys, I have never even thought of those stuff, just MAYBE i am attracted to them or maybe I'm going to randomly wake up one day and end up being gay..
Nothing I've seen you write would indicate to me that you're gay or actually like guys. And it's pretty clear that the OCD for you is pretty out of control. CBT can definitely be helpful, but if it's really causing you problems right now, you might want to consider talking to your doc about medication, at least in the short term as you're working through the issue.
Thank you Chip. I am seeing my doctor again on October to ask about medications and hopefully move on forward from there. The past year and a half has to be the worst time of my life.
Dude, it's normal to have "bad" thoughts about people who are not your partner. Normal. 120% normal. The thing you do wrong is worry about it. Take it from someone who dealt with anxiety. Okey, so you accepted the possibility of being any orientation, and you're fine with any. Okey. The thoughts don't go away. Have you tried engaging into something, distracting yourself that way? Do something you get wrapped up in, you enjoy. I dunno, home repair, gardening, some sport, collecting stamps... Or... if that doesn't work, you might have an obsession resulting from trying to escape other problems, or might be stress related, or from some other reason, and then, you would be much better off finding a therapist who would help you though it all.
