In a relationship with a guy, but crushing on a girl??

I posted a couple of weeks ago when I was seriously questioning my sexuality. Much of that was precipitated from an event that still confusing me. In terms of my sexuality, I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm bi (somewhere between a 2 and a 4 on the Kinsey, and I seriously don't know where and I think it changes day by day). Now that I've stopped prohibiting myself from thinking about girls, I find my thoughts drifting there a lot more than I used to...

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a drunken encounter with one of my best friends. I'd already been questioning my sexuality, but this threw me into a complete disarray. We were both drunk and it was so easy to flirt with her. We were at her place and at some parties and I kept on just wanting to go into a corridor and make out with her or go back and cuddle and kiss. She also said some things that night that made me wonder if she felt a similar way - she was talking about how she was open to the idea of being with a girl and hated labels and other things along those lines. At other parties when we've been dancing together she's always kept on mentioning that she's straight. I don't know, it doesn't really matter.

My main problem is how to deal with this and my relationship. My relationship with my boyfriend means too much to me - he's the kind of guy I can see myself marrying if all works out. However, I feel like I need to accept and embrace this part of me, because I know I've had feelings towards girls for the past seven years or so. Another problem is that I think I see men and women differently sexually even though I think I'm attracted to both, so it doesn't seem as bad to like my friend as it would if I liked another guy, because my boyfriend's a guy :/

I also feel like my feelings towards this girl are creating a communication barrier in my relationship. I usually tell my boyfriend everything, and he knows I'm not completely straight (he's the only one!), but doesn't understand that I've been a mess because of this girl. I've cried over her and he doesn't know what's been on my mind. I thought I was over her, until I realized we'd be at a party together and was then unhappy that we wouldn't get to spend time together at the party. I feel like I'm doing him a disservice by being so attracted to my friend even though we're dating.

I feel like a horrible person and I can't talk to anyone about this I'm not out at all, and I'm not even sure if I'll still be bi/into girls in a year's time, so I don't feel like I should come out. Has anyone been in a situation like this or does anyone have any advice about how to come to terms with bisexuality while in a heterosexual relationship (or how to get over my friend without being able to talk it through with anyone)?

 

If he knows you're "not completely straight", then I'd say it's time for a talk with him. Just lay out the basics of what's going on. "I've started finding myself drawn to this girl. She says she's straight, but now she's giving off signs that perhaps she isn't. I keep thinking about her, but I feel terrible doing that because I'm in a relationship with you, and I very much want our relationship to work."

Lex

 

Lex has a very good point you just need to talk to her find out what she is wait for your relationship to settle if he dumps you take the opening

 

Even if my current relationship were to end, I think dating her would be a disaster even though I feel attracted to her personality and appearance. We have very different attitudes about healthy lifestyles and different spending habits. I really like my boyfriend and we share a similar background and similar interests, so I think we're more compatible in the long run.

I'm worried that if I tell him how I feel about her, it'll hurt him a lot. We don't go to the same college so I don't want him to worry about what I'm doing during the week. I also feel like not talking to him is creating a division between us, and I don't know which option is the better of the two evils

 

She also keeps on asking me for guy advice, so she's probably straight or at least has no thoughts about what happened that night...

I need to get over her, for the benefit of everything else in my life.