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Not sure what's happening.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sam the man, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. sam the man

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Right, um... hi! As you can probably tell I'm new here. I'm really just posting cause I've been a little confused about my sexuality for the past few months, I came across EC and it seems like a great place to ask these kinds of questions :slight_smile: I'll try and keep it short for you guys.

    So I'm 17, a guy, and up until I was 16 (going on 17) I always identified as straight. My attractions were essentially straight: into the straight porn, having straight fantasies and checking out girls as any straight guy would. The only real exceptions were some fantasies I had about a couple of guys in my school year three or four years ago, but they were kinda sporadic and since I found only two, three guys (who were relatively feminine compared to the rest of the guys) in a year of around 150 boys somewhat attractive... I shrugged it off as just some crazy hormone thing.

    Fast-forward to about 6-9 months ago and I discovered yaoi (and its subtypes). I've become quite interested in it, and I've got off to it many times now. Also I've watched gay porn and been aroused by an increasing proportion of it. As well as that, I began having gay fantasies when I masturbate much more frequently than the "first wave" a few years ago. They usually involve me in them with another guy, sometimes specific, sometimes not; if it is specific, it's either the aforementioned classmates or an imaginary character. Anyway, I do enjoy them as they are very hot (at least in my head!) and there've been quite a few (long-ish)periods when I've masturbated to gay thoughts more often than straight ones. Even times when I've been slightly irritated if a straight fantasy came into my head :confused:

    Stepping out of my mind and into real life, my interest in women seems to have diminished somewhat. Since I'm 17 I'm wondering if my hormones are settling down and I'm beginning to check out of puberty. Still, I guess I'm not as easily aroused by women as before (oh, and straight porn has become less appealing as well). Still notice some of them, but it seems now I spend more time looking at guys... I think mostly this is just curiosity and trying to deal with... the stuff above... but then again there have been a few guys who've drawn my eye and even got me aroused somewhat (a lifeguard on a Cornish beach I visited is the most memorable). I just don't find that big a range of guys attractive, so far I've given my attention to quite a lot (just looking!) but only a small few ever hold my attention.

    On the emotional front, well... don't know really. I've never been in a relationship and I've never taken a big interest in it. I don't see a reason why I should have an emotional preference for either gender, I used to think it'd be girls, but I asked myself and thought "why wouldn't guys be just as valid as girls as emotional partners?".

    The place where I really fall down is interpreting the thoughts I get. I mean, I know I enjoy gay fantasies, a lot of the time they seem better than straight ones, and if I get aroused by a guy in public (rare occasion, though) I don't really mind. I just don't know why I get them. I can't classify them, I've told myself before that I could be bi and this is my first "ebb and flow", or it's just a fetish of mine, or that it's a kind of admiration of hot guys, or a passing phase, that it's taboo so it's more erotic, that it could be all in my head... I even thought to myself I could be gay a few times, but that just doesn't stack.

    So anyway... I know that I've had gay fantasies and found some sort of appreciation for the male form. I'm fine with that and enjoy it. I just don't know where it all stems from. I guess I can confidently say I'm not 100% straight (else I wouldn't be here :icon_bigg ), but I feel like I could end up being anything from a 90-10 to a 40-60. I'm not expecting a clear answer (in fact I know I won't get one) but I just felt that getting this off my chest somehow would make it less distracting and maybe a little clearer.

    Ok, that's it. If you read all that, then kudos to you :icon_bigg !
     
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place.

    "I just don't know where it all stems from." Well really, that sums it up for all of us really. We don't know why we're attracted to the same sex, any more than hetersexuals know why they're attracted to the opposite sex. It just seems to be that way. It is what it is.

    So at this point, it's good that you've come to the conclusion that you're not 100% straight, because that seems to be the case. And it's great that you don't seemed too fussed with it. But as to why you're that way, nobody knows.

    Talking about it, especially with others who can relate (i.e. most of us here!) is really helpful. It certainly was for me when I first joined. So keep doing that.

    As for where this leads, nobody knows that either. It's great that you can even envision being in a relationship with a guy, because that's where a lot of guys get hung up. They have a physical attraction but think "I could never date another dude!" when in reality, sure they could, and eventually they do.

    Welcome!