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HAAAALP (still questioning after 1.5 years on this site)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Krilky, Sep 12, 2013.

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  1. Krilky

    Krilky Guest

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    Ok, so basically I'm messed up as shit. I don't even know what is wrong with me.

    I identify as gay in my little profile thingy.

    But I don't know if I'm really gay or not.

    Here's the thing: I desperately want to be gay. I know how stupid that sounds, but it's the truth. There are a couple reasons I've identified for this. First is this weird psychological complex. The root of it is probably an inferiority complex. I have several friends at school who I'm basically worse versions of. Out of five of my friends whom I know to have similar interests and skills, I'm the last in each important attribute--I'm in the worst shape, I'm the stupidest, I'm the laziest, I'm the least attractive. They're all straight. And so I think I want to differentiate myself somehow. I want there to be one thing where I'm different. It's my dream to be talking to one of these five friends and bring something up that I did, and have them not have done a better version of it. If that makes sense.
    I'll use an example to clarify. I did an internship over the summer at an undergraduate school for science. I was super proud of myself, until I learned that three of them did them at graduate schools, and one worked at friggin NASA. I want to have something that I'm the only one in our group who knows about it (yeah, I know that's bad grammar, but I can't figure out how to phrase it properly).
    The second reason is that romantically, I'm gay. 100%, no questions. I want to settle down with a guy, and get jealous when I see gay couples. I have a major crush on a guy, but because I like him, not because he's particularly attractive.

    But the problem is that sexually, I'm probably a Kinsey 1.5. I'm just not attracted enough to men.

    WHAT CAN I DO.

    Please help, if you need any clarification, feel free to message me.
     
    #1 Krilky, Sep 12, 2013
  2. penguin machine

    penguin machine
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    It's okay to divorce sexual attraction from romantic attraction. I was other the other end of that spectrum, until I read a gay fiction that was really a blossoming romance disguised as smut. Being lead, by the penis, into a situation I had never allowed myself to explore, completely opened my eyes. I discovered a romantic attraction and a variety of feelings and roles that I had never explored before were all waiting just below the surface.

    What kinds of sexual experiences have you had, because it can actually be really hard to know what you are able to feel and enjoy until you have been in a situation that encourages the development of those feelings. It's okay to be asexual, by the way. It's okay to have no sexual attraction to somebody as long as you understand that aspect of yourself. Don't hide from it, embrace it if it's true.

    Your sexuality is not a badge to be bandied about. It's not something to brag about. It's a psychological element of your human nature. Your accomplishments are not of value because of the friends you surpass. They are of value because of the future you build for yourself. Your sexuality is a fundamental element of your personality, and it will help you choose partners in life that you will wish to share a commitment, a connection with. The only people your sexuality is designed to make happy are you and your partner. And that's okay. Don't try to make it be something it's not.

    You can't rely on your sexuality to be the thing that sets you apart. You're not a carbon copy of your friends with shittier grades. You're a complex and multifacted human being with strengths and weaknesses, a nature you're not completely in touch with, fears, aspirations, romantic and sexual tendencies... you're a beautiful creature, completely unique in the universe and absolutely infinite in potential. The only limits you face are the ones you're not motivated to surpass and that's okay. Nobody's asking you to be superman. Just be you, and enjoy it. You're the only you you've got.
     
    #2 penguin machine, Sep 12, 2013
  3. Evil Monkeyz

    Evil Monkeyz
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    I don't think you have to be "attracted enough" to anyone on a sexual level. May I ask though what exactly you mean by this? Do you not feel sexual attraction to them or do you feel it for women instead or something?

    You see there a type of sexuality called "asexual" where you don't feel strongly attracted to someone by their looks. You basically don't feel sexual attraction but you can still make friends and fall in love. Maybe you're "homoromantic" which basically means you only feel a romantic attraction to those of the same gender. Oh and by romantic I mean feelings, you don't feel sexually attracted to someone you only fall for them on a more emotional level.

    Just my thoughts (so far).
     
    #3 Evil Monkeyz, Sep 12, 2013
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