Um... this emotional torture is so confusing. I really need psychological help and i am a psychology student (!). im a girl, 25 so... i was always straight. 5 years in a relationship with a guy. until i dated a girl. then another girl. i have never been happier than with the last one. emotional roller coaster. crazy passion. plans for the future. plans to have kids together. the first time in my life such crazy sexual attraction, such a great need to belong to someone. She was the king and i was the queen. then... she had mental problems. drove me away with progressive insults that lead to physical violence. Dumped her ass when she got physical. Its now over 10 months that we broke up and i got back with my ex boyfriend of 5 years. I'm not happy. I'm just not. I keep on telling myself it will get better but it doesn't! The only thing keeping me going is the sport i do and university. Other than that i think i would go crazy. My anxiety is getting so much worse. It was gone when i was dating my ex. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel that the stuff that gets me off is always straight but i can only get turned on in reality by tomboy lesbians. I have to force myself to find guys attractive. Im so friggin confused. I keep on telling myself im bisexual, but am i really? I dont know where to go, what to do. My parents are strictly homophobic i have nobody to support me. I feel so weak and helpless. Im so confused. Anxiety is really getting me down. I lack the emotional aspect of the relationship and i have such a high need for emotions. I dont know what to do...
Hi Vasilisa, I read your story and I recognized so much. You need to decide what it is that you are, that's the first and most important step. You also need to consider how this is affecting your boyfriend, it's a moral question: should he be in a relationship with you where you aren't happy, or sexually satisfied? It's around the age of 25 where parental opinions really start to make no difference, why not take the chance to lead your life as you wish? Your happiness, your still-long future depends on the decisions you make now. Make no mistake, the implications are wide-ranging and serious. You do sports...are you prepared to take your happiness as seriously as you take your health (hint: the two are not unrelated)?
