I've struggled with who and what I like for the past 3 years or so. I'm 16 years old and up until junior year I've really tried to deny the fact that I like other girls..... but I like guys too.... or at least I think I do. My first ever girl crush was in the 9th grade. I brushed it off bc there was no way that I could actually like another girl, I just couldn't. Everyday I had to see her in my social studies class was torture. I mean I used to dream about her. It was that bad. Eventually with enough denial my crush on her went away. 10th grade year approaches and I meet another girl. she caught my attention the first day of school. She just really intrigued me. Over time we became really good friends and I found myself REALLY attracted to her, but I couldn't figure out why. She wasn't the girly type, never wore dresses ever. Anyway as months passed by I found my self willing to do anything just to be near her, and I got super jealous if any other girls talked to her. Eventually I told her how I felt about her.....and she friend zoned me.....brutally. I'm still not over it. I really hope that junior year will be the year I really figure out who I am. I could see myself with a girl, I really could. But I occasionally crush on guys too. Really I could see myself with either one. My family is homophobic, especially my mom, which is why I've never even tried to tell her about how I'm feeling, and I'm not into the whole "tell your best friend"crap. Sometimes I dream about a life with a woman some day..... and then I think about all that social stigma and stuff, and realize it'd be so much easier if I were with a guy. Come to think of it, I've never really had an intense crush on a guy. I'll see a cute guy and that crush will last for at least 10 minutes unless he's in my class. Then I stare at him on the sly lol. But I've never had a boyfriend, I'm one of those kids who think of schoolwork first. There was one time when this guy asked me out but I didn't think I could handle a relationship at the time.There are some things that do kinda disturb me, with being with a girl. I know that everything isn't about sex, but it still weirded me out at the thought of having sex with another girl. I've tried watching lesbian porn....... hated every minute of it. I just can't even deal on that. If I were with a girl I'd probably only want the emotional part. Sex with a guy doesn't freak me out so much. Anyway I just wanna figure out what I am, so that I may embrace my sexuality with....sorta open arms I guess.
Labels don't matter. Just be who you are and love who you love. Porn isn't a good indication of anything; I'm fairly certain I'm a lesbian, and lesbian porn grosses me out. There's a youtube video of real lesbians reacting to lesbian porn, and it's quite funny. It really puts in perspective how unrealistic it is. I know what it feels like to just want to know, though. I feel for you. Good luck figuring everything out! By the way, no matter what you imagine your parents say, you're not wrong or crazy for feeling the way you do. That's just a lie that society feeds us.
Sounds like you're bi, but no one can identify your feelings but you. As far as porn goes, that's NOTHING like real sex in my experience. It's the difference between gas station sushi and Japan. Don't worry about social stigma until it becomes an issue. Just focus on working out what YOU think, feel, and want. If you need to talk to "real people", does your school have GSA or PFLAG? You could definitely find a safe place there.
I second what the others have said. Lesbian porn is made for straight guys and generally unrealistic and icky. You will figure out what feels right to you whether that's calling yourself lesbian, bi or pan. It will all work out. That I'm sure of.
I went through all of the same emotions in my late teens. I knew I liked women but didn't want to admit it to myself... I crushed on one or two girls at school and it was hard seeing them in class.. Give yourself time, we all question ourselves at some point and it can take a long time to accept ourselves for who we are. The best advice I can give is, just be yourself and remember there is nothing wrong with you - no matter who in society tells you being gay/bi is wrong, it is they who have the problem. All the best with figuring it all out.
Thanks you all. I've kinda been holding all this in, as I'm not ready to out myself to the world.....Yet. I guess it's just gonna have to take some time figuring out me, I'll be okay with it for now
Your situation sound a lot like mine. I'm bi and not out yet either. You sound like a homoromantic heterosexual, but like Etak said, labels don't matter. Just be with whoever makes you happy
