I've been confused for several months now, and now it's getting really confusing and really irritating. Right now it's even getting me down a little. Basically, up until a year ago I thought I was straight, and I had straight thoughts etc. apart from the odd fantasy about a classmate or two. Then around 6-9 months ago I started watching more gay porn and getting more gay fantasies. I just find it more erotic than straight fantasy. It's got to the point where I often have more gay fantasies than straight ones, where I want to have gay fantasies and even get annoyed if I get straight ones now. There've been two or three times recently when I've been watching straight porn and basically looked at the guy to get off. I just don't know if any of these thoughts are genuine. IRL I never used to notice guys, now I notice them a little more. I'm less interested in girls than I was. But I don't know if this is because I really do look out for guys more or just because I'm in fantasy-land or because of my confusion... I think porn has messed up my mind on this one. True, I've had gay fantasies and found them hot, but I really don't know if I'm genuinely attracted to guys, or if all of this has been created in my mind because of my viewing habits or my fantasies. I have absolutely no idea whether I've developed an attraction to guys or if it's all been fabricated by my mind because of what I've watched or if I've tricked myself into idealising the gay fantasies. It'd be ok if I knew I was finding an attraction to guys, but I honestly don't know if I am! I want to for some reason, but I don't know if I am... I'm sorry if this is confusing, I can't articulate this very well at the moment. I'll try and answer any questions you might have about the post. Any advice on how to get my mind to settle down would be much appreciated, I'd very much like to let this whole paranoia-like thinking go, but I can't. It keeps coming back. Part of me wants to try a gay relationship, part of me says I do have gay attractions, part of me says it's all fiction and I'm basically straight. I really don't know what to think however much I go through it in my head.
I think human beings are sexual beings, it doesnt matter if someone is straight or gay, ....Why dont you take your time and explore your sexuality? You could try dating and having sex with men but paying attention to what your body and mind tells you. Try to make a difference between prejudices/or fears of being gay, and just focus on what it feels good or not.
Thanks Schev. I guess this is a question that'll answer itself in time, so I just need to be more patient . It's not that I have any fears or prejudices of being gay, it's just I'm eager to know if the good stuff I'm feeling is real or not in a sense. Being unsure can get pretty annoying sometimes. So, I'll just have to wait it out and/or test it out and avoid jumping to any conclusions for now. Thanks for the answer!
Well, you sound a ton like me actually, I mean fantasies and all, so I'll give you the same advice that was given to me... Don't try to repress any thought because they'll just keep coming back due to curiosity. Just go with it and see what happens. Good luck!
Cheers for the post man. Yeah, as I say... I'm really not convinced if these guy thoughts are real. Right now they're coming and going a little, and I don't think I could really say it's a proper attraction, more like a fascination with the idea of a relationship with a guy and interest in what the sex would be like. What I'm gonna do is ease off the porn (I genuinely think it's warped my perceptions on this, badly!), give it a week or two, and then I reckon I'll be able to think more conclusively about all of this.
My advice to was to experience and figure out your sexuality. You could be having a bi curious moment in your life where you have an interest in guys for a short period (a couple of months on average) and then go back to being straight again. If it continues though and you still have fantasies over guys and even have attractions towards guy in real life, you could be gay or bisexual. Whatever the case is, I hope you figure out your sexuality and if not, you know where empty closets is
Heh heh, yep. Just one day at a time eh? I guess only time will tell, so might as well lay back and let it tell me
You sound a lot like me a while ago down to the porn and everything. I watched gay porn and was convinced I wasn't gay and I was just doing it because straight porn is disrespectful to women. But I eventually realized I'm gay (not saying you are). It just kinda clicked one day and everything made sense. I guess I'll share some of my clues I had (dealing with porn and stuff) looking back. Disclaimer: I'm not saying that these things make you gay or anything like that, I'm just saying they helped me realize I was. 1. I never liked lesbian porn. Most of my straight friends loved it and I could pretend to be interested, but it didn't do much for me besides the excitement of watching porn. 2. I only liked straight porn if the guy was attractive. 3. One of my favorite porn stars was a guy. My friend asked me who my favorite was and I said the guys name and he was like "a guy dude?" And I had to recover saying that he had the hottest girls of course. 4.I really liked gay porn as stated before. Idk how I even began watching it. 5. I remember looking back at some of the first porn I'd seen on like Showtime and one scene I remember I really liked and I didn't understand why because there wasnt even sex. I now realize it was because the guy was extremely attractive. 6. I got so hot and bothered by this very attractive guy at work and I had no idea why. So these are just some things that I realize looking back. Not sure if it helps you or not
Well, I'll try and answer as I currently think they apply to me. I don't really feel as though I can give any accurate answers though even though these are my feelings. 1. I did like lesbian porn in the past, if I'm in a certain mood I do still like it. To start with I guess it's hot but after a while it's... meh (it's similar for many gay pornos I've watched). I don't like the cunnilingus since the V part isn't a thing that I especially go for. I find some of it just boring, but could be to do with the actual acts, as in the women turn me on but the stuff going on doesn't? I don't even know on this one. 2. This could be applied to me. Perhaps not as much, but it's a put-off if it's an unattractive guy. I usually try and find something else in that case. 3. Well, I noticed one or two and remember the names of them, but this one is again hazy for me. One thing I will say (might have mentioned it actually) is that recently (this is in the last fortnight perhaps) I've effectively looked at them, in straight porn, and been able to get off from that. 4. Well, I can't say I've never liked it :icon_bigg but I can't make head nor tail of how or why I feel about it. Sometimes it's got me off good, other times it hasn't. Many, many times I've used it in conjunction with other types. That seems to be what's floating my boat atm. 5. Without sex, I seem to be more in tune now as to telling if a guy is "cute" or not, but from what perspective, no idea really. 6. Aside from a few light fantasies about schoolmates a few years back, and imaginary males now, yeah, in real life I've never been bowled over by a guy. Never felt any overwhelming urges towards one. I hardly have any experience with girls (so I will try and get more), and had a few purely physical crushes, but nothing really bowling me over again. It's been a while since I've had a persisting fantasy for a specific female. ^^ that makes me think I'm bi at most and might not turn out to be even that, it's just ambiguous for me. If you see anything relatable there, I'd love to hear.
Porn isn't necessarily the best indicator, since sexuality isn't just physical but also emotional attraction. Porn is just something to wank to briefly, and it's usually unrealistic. You're almost certainly not going to fall in love with someone like that IRL. You only briefly mention actual people you are around, but i think that's a better gauge.
I don 't think I was quite clear with my message. I wasn't stating it for you to question yourself like a test on if you're gay. That stuff isn't how I realized I was gay (that's a whole different story), it just explained why I liked what I liked. I guess I was just kinda telling some things I realized in case you relate.
True, there is the emotional aspect. I know porn isn't a good indicator, I've lost most of my confidence in that anyway. It certainly hasn't resolved or revealed anything. My last post was a little test-y. I know I was treating it too formulaically, but I was really just throwing it out there. Blueberrymuffin, you're right as well; the only real indicator I'll get is people around me. I'm very guilty of it of course, but there's not much point trying to think my way around it in terms of my behaviour, so I better just let things unfold as they will for now. Oh, and thanks for the answers everyone! If nothing else, talking about it definitely is worth doing.
I'm a girl who has started liking girls (the opposite to you), the same age, and this sounds kinda like me. I used to be completely straight, but after getting involved in a lot of gay rights movements with friends and reading a lot of books with gay characters - including yaoi (boyxboy) and yuri (girlxgirl) manga (maybe a little like you think you could have been influenced by the porn?) I've found that I'm a lot more attracted to the same sex and less attracted to guys. I can't tell whats true and whats not, and if it is true or if it isn't. My mind is equally busy, and I can't stop myself thinking about it. I find myself staring at girls a lot more just to see if I'm attracted to them to either support/disprove my (in my case) 'maybe im bi' theory. I really can't offer any advice here, except say that my thought process is exactly the same as your own: the same worries, the same, 'what the heck was I thinking, im straight' thing. I don't want to categorize myself as bi if im not a 100% sure, and bi-curious doesn't sound right to me. Is it the same for you? Or do you think you are either gay or straight, and not inbetween? In any case, you are not alone. (*hug*) The last three paragraphs of your thread are identical to my thought process.
Yeah, that certainly sounds familiar! I guess they don't call it "confused" for nothing :icon_bigg. Personally, I think the "inbetween" explanation is the most plausible for me, a little like you. Given the amount of same-sex thoughts I've had, I imagine it's unlikely I'm totally straight (well, sexually at least), and since I essentially felt straight and comfortable with it for so long gay doesn't sound right either. But I'm not coming to any conclusions until I've had real relationships and met more people (Uni!)... kinda put the label-maker on the shelf for now :lol: Well, hope you work it out as well (*hug*)! It's hard to be this patient, but I think what'll work it out permanently is just time and experience... Thanks for the reply though, it's great to hear from someone in the same boat! Helps quite a bit
Glad it helped! Uni is what I'm thinking too - maybe the word 'experimenting' has a lot of bad connotations nowadays but I'm pretty sure that is what I'll do - and hopefully I won't be judged for it because people who've known me and know me as straight won't be there. With any luck, I'll have answers at the end of it. That's what I'm deciding to do too, put the label-maker on the shelf, because labels like 'Not totally straight' don't really cut it for me
I remember questioning like this for a while as well, (even now I have my moments) but there were a few things that tipped me off to being gay. I don't think I'd ever classified myself as straight before I came to the realization I was gay. I was kind of labeless, you might even say asexual. I assumed I liked girls because that was the normal thing. Looking back on it, I really didn't have any physical attraction towards any female...ever, at all. I just wasn't interested in physical/romantic relationships. Fast forward to 14 years old through the first year of high school, all of a sudden I start noticing older men (not like middle aged men, but like just generally older than me). I started having this crush on my algebra teacher, who was in his twenties, and I didn't know why or what I was feeling. Then I discovered gay porn, and for me, it was the biggest turn-on. Lesbian porn did nothing for me, unlike my friends, and straight was only somewhat decent if the man in it happened to be attractive. I kept thinking "oh no, what if I'm gay?" I denied it and denied it, figuring that the gay porn got me off purely because I was watching something sexual. So I went back to trying to develop feelings for girls. I certainly developed emotional attachments to a few girls, but I never felt physically drawn to them. The feelings I searched so hard for just weren't there. I also developed a crush on my male best friend. Even though I managed to get away from that, I still recognized that I had some sort of attraction for him. I knew I wasn't delusionally asexual, because I definitely wanted to experience intimacy, but to my chagrin, I could only ever think of it with a man. Eventually, I realized the porn wasn't messing with my head either because I would fantasize about adult men in my life or guys I knew. It would affect how I acted with them in real life; I would be very friendly to them, and wanted to be around them, both emotionally and physically, even though there was no inherent sexual context. So I eventually just had to accept it. If you find yourself being actually attracted to guys around you, that's the best indicator, in opinion, of whether or not you are gay, straight, or bi. Porn isn't the best indicator, but the fact that gay porn excites you more than any other kind could mean something as well, so don't completely discount it either. Also keep in mind that preferences change. Whether you guys or girls or both, just do what makes you happy, date who's best for you, be it guy or girl. It's your life. Only you decide. There is no inherent good or bad here.
