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Help? Am I straight or bi sexual?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ebony95, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. ebony95

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    I have always thought I was straight when it comes to love. I have never been attracted to a girl, its always been men, until recently. I am a member of a martial art and when I recently tested for my black belt, my instructor got a higher grade to monitor me. We got really close and we became best mates. I didn't know what would happen next.

    Three months on, I find myself having uncontrollable thoughts and feelings about her. Everytime I'm with her, I get butterflies and when I'm not with her I cant stop thinking about her. When we fall out, I cry on my bed and think I cant function without her. Now, to make matters worst we have started our own karate class and its great to have some alone time with her, but not know what to do.

    I think I maybe falling in love with her, but she doesn't feel the same. I know that she is bi-sexual but she told me that I'm not her type. She thinks of me as her best friend and like her sister.
    I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I'm not sure how much longer I can hide my feelings. I am so confused and not able to think straight at the moment. I would appreciate a lot of advice and guidance because this is new territory for me. What do I do? Am I bi-sexual, or am I straight?
     
  2. Schev

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    I think there are two things there you may want to pay attention separately. 1) Its really clear to you that you like her, and you dont know how to approach it, let her know what you feel. 2) This might scare you as it would mean you are bi or a lesbian. My advice would be to let yourself go and follow your instinct. Give it a try to see how it feels and what happens. Let her know how you feel towards her, flirt with her, have fun. If it keeps feeling good, then it was the right choice. Dont let your fears repress your instinct. Later on you can worry about your 'real identity' as straight or bi. No one defines their identity in one go, its an ongoing process.
     
  3. Etak

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    I second what the person above me said. You could very well be bi. But that's just a label, and labels don't matter. Also, just because you like one girl doesn't mean you couldn't identify as straight... just like the fact that I think Elvis is extremely sexy doesn't mean I'm not a lesbian. Sexuality is a fluid thing, and cannot be categorized as easily as society would have you think.

    By the way, I'm also a martial artist. I'm almost a first dan in Kendo, and I just started Judo. That was one way I knew I liked girls. Close contact with big, hunky guys? Not a problem. But grappling with an adorable girl? So hard to focus. I guess what I'm trying to say is pay attention to how you feel without labeling it.

    I wish you the best!
     
  4. DesertTortoise

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    I'm in no doubt about the direction of my desires now... men. But this is after many years of hetero relationships, some of them quite passionate, at least in the beginning. I took the Kinsey scale, and one other 'test,' but they seem to assume that the answers to the question would always have been the same. Are there similar scales that factor in changing patterns of sexual behavior over time?
    The strength of Kinsey is that it alows for gradations, though not over time. I see that so many on EC have been married or lived a significant part of their lives in hetero relationships--this would seem to be pretty important, in factoring how and when different individuals become aware of their dominant orientation.
     
  5. lovely lesbian

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    It sounds like you like her a lot I hope it works out for you

    ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2013 at 10:21 AM ----------

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  6. hitgirl

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    Hey, don't want to give you false hope, but it is possible that she said you weren't her type to put you at ease because she thinks you're straight. I'm bi too and I would definitely tell my female friends that I just saw them like a sister to me to make sure they're not freaked out... especially if I was getting up close to them like in karate. But on the other hand, she might have totally meant it. I agree with Schev, you could try to start flirting a little bit, making eye contact for a little bit longer than usual, etc., that's how I'd do it, subtle like. I haven't had any experience like that with women yet, but that's how I've done it in the past with men.