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Scared of men flirting with me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hakuna Matata, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. Hakuna Matata

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    Hi guys, I need some second opinions here. There is this guy who's a friend of my best friend but whom I've never met personally. He apped me about a week ago because he was looking for people to tag along to the cinema. In the end, I was the first person to tell him I could make it, thinking at least one other person out of 30 would be able to make it. I freaked out when I found out it would just be the two of us and said I had to work after all. It's not even that it could be considered a date even, I'm just not so good with new people. People in general, actually :lol:

    So that started a conversation of him asking me repeatedly how my day was, work etc. etc. and me answering politely and friendly but not, you know too friendly. Now, however, he's gone from being a bit too friendly to... well plain flirting with the blushing smilies to boot.

    I have a complicated sexuality in the sense that I used to be straight, but when I fancied one girl I kind of switched to being completely gay with 3 exceptions. Nowadays I am gay, unless I walk into a gay bar (yeah I like my men feminine I suppose?), am in France or watch Supernatural. Also, when a guy flirts with me, even though I easily flirt with them when (if ever) the mood strikes me. I could do the whole Freud thing and tell me about my father & stepfather, but it will suffice to say that my experiences with men are terrible.

    And well, here's the thing. I know he's a perfectly nice guy from what I've heard of him, but I'm not someone to find anybody attractive without being friends with them first, so obviously I don't like him and have no clue if I ever will. At the moment, my lack of attraction and the whole scared-of-men thing make me want to get the hell out.

    Am I being an idiot for not wanting to give this a chance? The guy obviously likes me and he's going through a really rough time to begin with, so I really don't want to hurt him. Also, is this just me being too gay for the bisexual label? I really don't like labels for the obvious reason of me not really fitting into any of them, but maybe coming out to him, or anyone for that matter, as a lesbian would make things a bit easier?
     
    #1 Hakuna Matata, Sep 16, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2013
  2. penguin machine

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    Give him a chance. Some of those road blocks are put there by you. If you're not receptive to flirting because you are convinced you don't usually go for that, change your perspective. Just be curious and inquisitive. See what happens as you get to know him.
     
  3. Pat

    Pat
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    I think the important thing when talking with a guy, is saying exactly what you mean. You just have to tell him that you're not interested in anything other than friendship. If something develops, fine. He's still going to pursue you, but he's going to do it in a more conservative manner that shouldn't bother you. It's important to just tell a guy that you don't mind being friends, but there's not going to be a future in dating you. He's either going to decide that he doesn't want to go down that road in the friend zone, or he's going to accept the challenge and just buddy up with you until you're ready. (doesn't happen often) But yes, it's very important to be direct and say what you mean with a guy. Don't sugar coat it. Just come out and say, "Hey! I appreciate that you're interested in knowing me, I wouldn't mind being friends, but I'm not looking for anything else right now" He might think you're a B for a moment, but if you care about that, just follow it up with conversation to let him know that doesn't mean that you want him to go away exactly. If he continues to flirt, let him know that you don't like it.
     
  4. sammy1

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    Honestly coming out as gay to him or anyone else wouldnt make ur situation any easier...and it seems like from what u said u r more bi then 100% gay
     
  5. Hakuna Matata

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    Hi guys, I took all your answers into consideration and when he started to ask for full-body pictures (again, thought I told him I didn't want to but ok) I told him that if he had indeed searched my facebook, there must have been some gaydar ringing, because I'm faaaar from straight and that's hard to miss :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. Long story short he refuses to admit that he was flirting in the first place. Then again, he hasn't really spoken to me since. Thanks everyone for your help :slight_smile: