So, I'm questioning, and I'm almost ready to just admit that I'm homosexual. There's just something that I'm wondering about. I'm small, skinny, and kind of feminine. I like shaving what little body and facial hair I have and I like to feel pretty and delicate. I'm mostly attracted to big, strong, manly types and I want to take the role of the "woman" in the relationship. I feel bad for saying that because it sounds sexist. Rather, I should just say that I want to be the submissive, passive one. I think I'm a total bottom and I want to be dominated in the bedroom. I'm interested in cross-dressing and being tied up as well. Should I feel bad for this? I'm in no way saying that all women should be in a passive or subservient role. I believe in gender equality. But I'm just drawn to that traditional role of the feminine one being submissive and want to feel like the "girl" or "wife" in a relationship with someone much more masculine than me. I just want to be loved, cared for, protected, and held and I want to give that love back by being the submissive one in the relationship and caring for him back. Whether it's massaging him, cooking for him, taking care of him when he's sick, things like that. I just feel like feeling these things make me sexist in some way. I'm just drawn to that role, though. I'm definitely not saying anyone else, male or female, has to take it. And I don't know if I'll ever even be in a relationship with anyone. But if I am, I kind of hope it's structured like that.
Ultimately, yes, your stereotypes could be seen as sexist, but honestly, you're allowed to be who you want to be in a relationship. The fact you want to assume the 'feminine' role is what a lot of guys feel, but they see it as bad because of stereotyping. You clearly want to be the passive one, and you are allowed to be. Essentially, you're using the label that so many other people have coined, especially in gay relationships. Be who you want to be, to yourself and your partner. Don't be afraid of that.
Thanks. I grew up in a conservative society which is probably why these gender role things are engraved in my mind. I really want to get away from the "man/woman in the relationship" labels in same-sex relationships. I probably just have a lot to learn about gender identity. Plus, I've never even been in a relationship with anyone before.
Unfortunately, stereotypes are still very common, although there is no doubt we have made advances. But the fact you posted in here shows a concern over your thoughts, and I massively applaud you for that!! I'm sure you'll figure things out when you get in relationship, and it might be you feel a bit more equal. As long as your partner loves you for being you, I wouldn't worry at all.
I've basically got the same thing, just the other way around. I am very caring (my friends tell me this is a compliment as well as a warning ) to the people I love, but I won't put up with anyone dominating me in any way. I feel like I've had enough of that But then again, I doubt that I would ever fancy anyone who doesn't (not necessarily up to that point) feel like that. I very much like strong women who won't put up with people telling them what to do. Just to be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling the way you are - as you are entitled to your feelings. If you really were sexist, then you wouldn't doubt your opinions (as much). Maybe it's about finding the person who challenges your opinions? You know, the one who, in my case, lets me feel like I don't need to be my own boss 100% of the time.
I totally get you- I've always been attracted to the idea of being the "man" in my relationship with my girlfriend. Even though everyone's counter argument to this concept is "there are no men in a lesbian relationship. that's why it's called a lesbian relationship." But when people think male- studies have proven- they automatically think of a general list of qualities, regardless of whether or not they're true. To name a few: In charge, aggressive, protective, masculine, etc...I was reading about this study in my psychology text book they've been conducting repeatedly since the fifties, and surprisingly, the results haven't changed since then. So despite gender equality (which we all believe in and support) some people do feel comfortable in certain roles. It's not for everyone, but I completely get where you're coming from- and the fact that for you and me it's reversed (you're the girl, I'm the guy) makes it even more fun ha
I wouldn't say your views are sexist. I'm not sure one can be sexist about oneself. You are merely outlining the nature of the relationships you want to experience, and that's fine. There are plenty of "manly" gay guys and plenty of "feminine" gay guys. Nobody is required to be anybody in a relationship, you can be whomever you please. I think a lot of guys myself included start to experience what you're going through as they come out. I've been out for 10 months and I've really enjoyed seeing those "feminine" traits float to the surface. Little behaviours I always hid from my girlfriends or was ridiculed by them for are becoming regular habits and I feel great about it. You'll get there Just remember that what you're talking about wanting is to bring your behaviour more in line with your desires. It's not that you want to be feminine, but you want to be "feminine," as in, the stereotypical feminine. And that's okay. You're not becoming comfortable being feminine, you're becoming comfortable being you.
Maybe instead of thinking of it as feminine and masculine, you could think of it as dominant and submissive, or tag the dominant and submissive labels on after that? That way you could identify as being submissive in the relationship without the sexist connotations, or think of it as if you are the feminine and submissive one and by separating the two, release the feminine label from the submissive stereotype by implying that just because someone is feminine they don't have to be submissive? So you could identify as feminine and submissive and claim you are attracted to guys who are masculine and dominant... *shrugs* One of the issues with my sexuality is that I'm attracted to girls a little, but only to dominant ones (I identify as submissive). I don't know really if that makes any sense, but if you understand me I hope that helps.
No they arent sexist at all, fuck that noise. Millions of woman want the same things you just described and they arent being sexist.
There's nothing wrong with being who you are and wanting who you want. That being said, I think saying things like "I prefer to be more submissive in relationships" or "I prefer guys who are more traditionally masculine than me." as opposed to a blanket statement like "I want to be the girl in the relationship" might be a bit better. That being said, whoever you are, be that person and be happy with it!
Be who you are and be proud of it! However, to me, roles are 'asexual'. Being the cared type doesn't mean that it has to be feminine but just simply the cared one. Don't use too many labels on who you are, it is a description, not a category, everyone is different in there own way, like I am skinny but tall, so I prefer to be the caring type but I really don't care if the man of my life turned out to be caring too as long as I love him. Hmm, I wonder who he might be. However, be carefully, stereotypes still exists in some people's eyes...but be yourself, and all would be well..
