I've had homosexual "urges" since 15 or 16 years of age. I'm now 33, 34 next month. Generally, I prefer women, I think, but it is difficult for me to tell because I was raised in such a restrictive and homophobic home that the psychological effects are hard to erase. Sometimes what I have thought are my own feelings end up being the results of what I will call "homophobic brainwashing". All I can say for sure is I like guys and gals both as friends and as lovers. I have had gay sexual experiences I've enjoyed a great deal... but not many at all. I'm very particular, more concerning personality than appearance. I'm very shy with women, and doubly so with men because of my past. (I'm not at all out) From what I've been able to tell via examining my journals, meditating, and just generally contemplating my experiences, I have a greater romantic draw to women, and like many heterosexuals many of my urges are based on the physical form... My draw to men on the other hand seems to be based more on their behavior, attitude, and demeanor, and seems to be primarily sexual. This is not to say that certain (censored) parts of a man do not hold an appeal to me, nor that a woman's personality is not important. I'm a big fan of the Kinsey Scale, as opposed to traditional terms. I would consider myself a 3 on this scale. Further, it seems to me that the sexual drive I feel for women and men differs qualitatively. That is to say my desires are gender specific. If I want to be with a man, only a man will do, and if I want to be with a woman, only a woman will do.... so far as I've been able to tell. It is much like a craving for tacos: pizza will not sate it. I find this odd, perhaps there is precedent among others? Sorry for the long bio and strange details, but I felt it was in order. What I'm asking for is maybe some advice in how I should approach things. I would like to find out if I can or could have a romantic relationship with a man, and regardless of the answer to this, I would like to explore my (homo)sexuality. Also, since I seem to have separate desires for men and women, I would like to explore the possibilities of how one would go about working this into a long-term healthy lifestyle. Where do I start? Thanks in advance for any advice. ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2013 at 10:58 PM ---------- I'm really not sure what details you would like.... some parts of what I may be inclined to say could possibly get fairly "explicit" if you catch my drift. Please advise on what sort of info to add. Sorry, but despite being out to a few people, this is the first intelligent conversation I've had regarding any details concerning sexual orientation.
Sorry, that message was outdated. For some reason, I wasn't able to see the post that you'd made and so it was an empty thread. I'll offer my thoughts =) Here are some questions you could consider. They can be seen as rhetorical but you can tell us if you like. Can you imagine yourself marrying another guy? Can you imagine yourself going on a date with one, cuddling with one, living with one, etc.? Also, if you branched out and connected with others in similar situations, it could be quite helpful as well. For now, EC can be a great place to start! Self discovery is a process, and so it can take time, but for now, thinking about these things, and making sure not to over-think, should help.
No, yes, yes, yes. Not marrying because, well, I don't feel as strongly in a romantic sense about men as I do women. Strip it down to friendship, companionship, sex, and love (in no specific sense of the word) and it's all good... I just don't see the romance. Problem is, a year ago, cuddling with a guy sounded horrible to me... then after much meditation and reflection.... it now sounds quite nice. I do have a problem connecting with others. I've tried gay clubs (I don't fit in with the only one I could find in a 100 mile radius). It's almost entirely the type that's big into fashion and imo very feminine (for men)... while I'm honestly an average joe who is typically masculine in general demeanor and not up on fashion nor particularly "hip". The few experiences I've had the guy wanted either meaningless sex all the time, or a commited relationship. I'm not ready for the later, and the former is something that depends entirely on mood. It can't be demanded of me, regardless of familiarity and precedent.
