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Finally Accepting...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jay1991, Sep 17, 2013.

  1. jay1991

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello everyone,

    I am 22 years old and ever since maybe the seventh grade I've had feelings towards males. I kept this to myself just until recently. At the beginning of this month I told my parents and brother that I am gay. At first it felt good to tell someone and thankfully they are accepting and it doesn't change anything. A little while later I could feel past emotions and thoughts creep into my head. These thoughts were mainly about not having been experienced with a girl before so I do not really know how I feel... but I honestly can not think of a moment in my life when I had sexual feelings felt towards women. I always thought I would get married and have children with a woman but the feelings were never there. I do notice when a woman is pretty/beautiful (Aren't we all? :slight_smile: but that is it, just aware of the facts. Now when I see a man, I think "He's cute" and I have feelings of initiating conversation.

    Since I am finally coming to terms with this myself most of the worry and denial thoughts have passed and I think I am on the right track. Yesterday (at least once a day I hear people making gay jokes) at work a few co workers were laughing when making gay jokes. They were not insulting or hurtful but just in good fun.. if that makes sense. These people are not homophobic and I'm well respected by many if not all of my co workers. But it still frustrated me and I cried for a while alone at work. I've kept this to myself for all my life and I'm finally accepting who I am.

    My boss noticed I was a little upset and asked if everything was okay. I told him I was gay and the chit chat around the store involving jokes about someone's sexual orientation or even race, gender, etc.. where a bother to me and were affecting my work performance.

    He was very supportive and after telling him I feel much better. He is an awesome boss.

    The more people I tell, the more I feel better about myself and the situation. Although I do not want to be telling everyone at work, not even one co worker because it really is not any of their business. Telling my boss was the only person I would tell at this point because it is strictly confidential and he is really the only person who can make a change or discipline people who do make jokes intended to put others down.

    So what was this all about? Does anyone have any advice on finally just being who I am at work? For example, if someone were to say "So, do you have a girlfriend yet?" or "Are you interested in any of the girls here?" What would be my response? I guess only I will know when it is right but I would like to hear some advice too.

    My usual response to those questions would be "Naahh." "Not interested." Although a different approach could be "No, I'm into guys so they do not interest me." Haha... that will spread like wildfire.

    In the past I've been straight up asked if I was gay. Once in grade 9 by a girl who centered me out in front of the entire class... I said no. Once at work by a co worker who doesn't work there any more, I said no. Now if this happens again I just want to say "YES!"

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Abbra

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    A mentality that helped me with being out of the closet and able to talk about it was honestly just being chill about the whole thing. If somebody asked me why I don't have a boyfriend, I would just be like, "I'm actually a lesbian" and I would say it like it's no big deal. I find that if you don't treat it like a big deal, most others won't. Even a lot of homophobic people will only react with mild disgust.

    It seems like you are pretty comfortable and happy. I think you just need to adjust to being gay a little bit more and then the whole "who should I come out to" initial awkwardness will sort of fad out.
     
  3. jay1991

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    That makes a lot of sense. As I'm finally coming to terms with it myself it has become a little bit easier to just be whatever about it. That awkwardness is still there but I can tell it was easier to tell my brother after my parents and also easier to tell my boss after both parents and brother... So now it's just a matter of being myself and whatever happens happens.

    Thanks
     
    #3 jay1991, Sep 17, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2013
  4. blueberrymuffin

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    If you don't want to be particularly close to your coworkers, you don't have to go out of your way to tell them. Personally, i avoid people like that, precisely because look at how their behavior affected you. But you don't need to give them the satisfaction of putting up with it either. It's your call really.