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Im starting to think Im not bisexual...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MyLittleWorld, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. MyLittleWorld

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    When I had my first boyfriend..it all came crashing down because I was really cold to him all the time.. we were like friends, i liked him but there wasnt really that attraction, we even checked out girls together.. at that time I knew I was bisexual somehow..its like I knew about it I felt attraction to girls but I thought about being in a couple with guys..I never thought about it really seriously it felt natural. I never imagined myself marrying a guy or having kids..my all fantasies was about girls as long as I remember myself.. I never had crushes on anyone until 5th grade when girls started to get boyfriends and then i had a lot of crushes on guys. I was nervous around them but I liked them but I pushed them away..even now I feel that I have to impress guys for them to want me and like me.. in our country its common that women is dying to get men's attention.. like women are weak and men are strong and there is no way you can live without him because girls are naive and so silly.. its image I see everyday.. I try so hard... but now I notice I feel complete with women.. I just feel that in everyway I think of them it just gives me chills. I never had like real crush on girl, just celebrities like Shane from L World.. I never had reality crush maybe because I havent found my type of girl.. I saw some my type of girls on the street and I felt something but because I dont know them its hard.. Im really touchy with girls just naturally.. I always prefered men's company of friends.. maybe because Im kind of manly in type of thinking about dating my father noticed that Im inbetween woman and men :badgrin: stereotyped I wear flannel and just dress like tomboy.. I really cant imagine now having a boyfriend when I had my first it ended up so badly he left really hurt, I just couldnt fell in love with him.. :eusa_doh: I liked him.. he was handsome, caring, just so oh perfect and I feel guilt for the rest of my life :icon_sad: I dont really know what to think about myself because Im so confused when I see just girl's naked back I get lump in my throat..Help..?
     
  2. Holly

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    By the sounds of it, you're clearly struggling, and that's okay. It's hard coming to terms with your sexuality, and I'm not going to lie, it does take time.

    By the sounds of it, you are struggling with your lack of feelings for guys. I had the exact same thing, and I first identified as bisexual when I was in denial, and perhaps you are going through the same thing?

    Ultimately, you can choose the label you feel most comfortable by. We have the power to choose our own labels, and you might find that very useful. It also depends on how you define your sexuality, for example what you base it on. You might base it on the sexual attraction, or the romantic attraction. Clearly you have a lack of romantic attraction with guys, and clearly some for women. Relationship-wise, could you see yourself with a guy? And could you see yourself with a woman?

    Thinking long and hard about those questions helped me come to a decision, and as I realised I really couldn't see myself in a relationship with a guy, even though I defined myself as bisexual at the time. But after realising that, I adopted the term lesbian, as honestly, it's what I am. Guys only catch my eye once in a while, and even then it would be nothing more than a fleeting glance.

    I hope things work out well for you, regardless of your decision. And I hope that my reply has in anyway helped you, we have rather the same experience of questioning.

    Good luck!
     
  3. BelleLey

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    Well maybe you're not bisexual, but lesbian. Anyway don't be so hard on yourself, don't pressure yourself to feel something for guys if you don't naturally. Confusion is tiring but it will get clearer with time, especially when you'll finally meet a special girl, and get to know her. I wish you luck and i'm here if you want to talk some more.
     
  4. MyLittleWorld

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    Holly, I cant imagine myself with a guy actually..I think physical attraction is nothing without romantic attraction as romantic without physical.. I think its just how Im. The biggest problem is its confusing that I see good looking guy and I think he is attractive but Im not attracted to him.. Its weird feeling, as I said I have a feeling like I have to impress them.. and I can only imagine myself with a woman..

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2013 at 10:30 AM ----------

    It feels I have to impress them even i dont feel anythings.. its confusing
     
  5. Holly

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    I still get that. I think it's because we're brought up to be grateful of attractiveness, so we look. Don't feel bad about it, even if it rejects the label you eventually pick. It's understanding that someone is attractive, and it's nothing more. Therefore, it changes nothing about your long term relationship status etc.

    Your need to impress them might be evidence that you're in denial, or that it's on a friendly level. You might feel the need to impress them because they want them to like you, to show that you're not gay. I did this too, but I realised it was, in essence, when I was still in denial over the fact I didn't like guys.

    By the sounds of it, your description of your attraction suggests the label 'gay' or 'lesbian' is more suitable for you (I personally prefer gay, but hey ho), but as I said, it's YOU who has the ability to choose the label, not me. Just go for what ever you feel most comfortable saying, and what you think suits your attraction better. To me, 'lesbian' sounds weird to say, where as 'gay' sounds more natural.

    And, don't feel the pressure to label yourself. Questioning does take time, and you don't have to apply a label to yourself right away. I do understand the 'safety' of having a label, and I too strived to find one. But if you are still highly questioning, you have the choice not to label yourself at all. I've seen many people just abandon labels here on EC, because they can feel very constricting.

    Good luck :grin:
     
  6. BelleLey

    BelleLey Guest

    Yeah i get that, it's hard not to stick to what people expect from us. I suggest you just try to let it go (i know easier said then done), don't torture yourself overthinking about that. Be yourself, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel or don't feel towards men and women. Life is made of opportunities, you'll meet someone when you expect it the less and no doubt this person will make you happy :slight_smile:
     
  7. Dryad

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    You sound like me :/
    And "lesbian" sounds weird to me, too.

    I really don't have any advice.
    Just (*hug*)
     
  8. MyLittleWorld

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    Holly, I think term lesbian is weird too..it sounded like a curse when I started to wonder that I may be gay not bisexual really.. BelleLey, Im hoping for that everyday :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2013 at 10:58 AM ----------

    Nedussa, I hope someday it will get easier (*hug*)
     
    #8 MyLittleWorld, Sep 18, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2013
  9. Holly

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    Yeah, I mean, I don't mind if people call me a lesbian, I just feel like they way they say is has a scathing tone? Like they're saying it as an insult? At least one of my friends does that, and doesn't call me gay. Only Lesbian. And it gets on my nerves because I feel like she's saying it's as a negative thing...

    Just give yourself time :slight_smile:
     
  10. lovely lesbian

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    I don't really have any advice but just take your time and don't rush into anything it confusing working who you are x::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  11. NouvelleVague

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    I can relate to pretty much everything you feel, everything you described is so close to how I relate to other guys, and how I feel with girls.
    I mean, I guess lots of people do feel this way, it's just we feel alone and all, but the more I come here, the more I look into the lGTB community, and the more I see we're not alone.
    I don't have any advice, I'm quite confused as well these days, but I just wanted to say, I can relate, and let's just virtually hug each other for things to get better :slight_smile:)
     
  12. MyLittleWorld

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    You're lucky, I live in a country that our language male - gay, female - lesbian, we call it by gender.. oh well :lol:

    ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2013 at 02:38 AM ----------

    Yeah, but I am so into finding myself that I feel if I dont know Im wasting my time

    ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2013 at 02:40 AM ----------

    Yeah, we are not alone (*hug*)