I need to talk. I'm 24, female, and have always identified as bisexual. (Only to close friends at first, now to whoever cares to know but with more of a "straight with bisexual tendencies" implication). My boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for about 8 years. He's my best friend and dearest companion, we talk about the future on a regular basis. He is very traditional in his views on sex and relationships, and although he is aware and ostensibly accepting of my attraction to women, it seemingly makes him uncomfortable and jealous. He's made it clear that any kind of open/poly relationship is out of the question and reacts with kind of a resigned sorrow any time I try to broach the subject of my sexuality. I love him and I know he loves me, so I try not to upset him but in the interest of smooth sailing I've been maybe not quite forthright with him about one tiny thing. I have never climaxed from a man (unless you include the handful of occasions I've been able to close my eyes and picture a woman while receiving oral sex). I can't even get wet enough for intercourse without lube. I've been with an embarrassing amount of men in search of this perfect penis that I'm tiring of pretending is out there. I would go so far as to say that sex with a man is somewhere between as enjoyable as folding laundry and getting punched in the ear. Shame on me, but this is not something I have ever been able to admit to anyone. I try to be a good partner and my boyfriend and I have regular sex but it just does nothing for me. Recently it's gotten to the point where I'll have to stop halfway through, by feigning cramps or some other half-assed excuse because I get so disgusted with myself and the situation. I am obsessed with women. I've been in two monogamous lesbian relationships, both short lived, although my first two sexual experiences were with women as well as the only...non-contrived orgasms I've ever had. I find women to be beautiful and fascinating and terrifying. My massage therapist injured himself last month and my appointment was rescheduled with a flaxen-haired angel pixie goddess and...lets just say the floodgates were opened. Women stir something inside of me that has never been touched by a man. The combination of childhood Christian shame and fear of not being taken seriously by the lesbian community has helped me repress these feelings into a maelstrom of deep and terrible depression, anxiety, and pent up sexual frustration. I like men, I understand them and enjoy their company and can relate to them far easier than I can women. Almost every single one of my meaningful friendships is with a man. I get crushes on men, I've been in love with men, I just have absolutely no interest in sleeping with them. What is this? Is it possible to be emotionally bisexual and sexually lesbian? Am I just in the closet and making this more complicated than it needs to be? Is it futile to try to make my relationship work? Is it selfish to be so unhappy with an otherwise wonderful partner just because of his body parts?
Hi, I understand what you're saying. My sexuality is fluid and for a few weeks I have felt more homoromantic bisexual. You could be biromantic homosexual (emotionally attracted to both sexes but sexually attracted to one). I think with all labels aside, you should ask yourself what makes you the most happy? What do you want to do? Are you happy with your current partner (as sex is not everything) dispite these feelings for women?
i was in a similiar boat for two years, its not exactly tiny, but we treat it as if to get by. i miss her alot to be honest, and i Hate the fact im gay. i like women, i like the concept, the idea of women to love much more than to love a man. it might be 'conditioning' but so what, at this point i FEEL EMPTY STILL when i say im gay or straight, by empty i mean like something is MISSING on both forefronts. it sucks so bad because i just want a wife that i can have sex with without anxiety. thats the only thing missing from my life is my sexual disinterest although im sexually active and try to get it on quite alot. which is the strange thing, maybe im trying to constantly prove to myself i like it. idk. to be Honest i wish to meet someone like you in general, a girl who is emotionally attracted to guys and not physically cause MAYBE that would be an amazing relationship.. i love to cuddle and kiss, and touch the body i just dont get turned on by it, its the only thing thats missing.
I've written and subsequently deleted half a paragraph over a dozen times, and I can't honestly come up with anything. I don't know what makes me happy. I know how to make other people happy. I know the things to say to them, i know the body language, when to cross my legs towards them or brush my fingertips down their arm. I know when I've left my mark and i guess just knowing that when I die there is one more person with my legacy burned into their heart gives me some peace. Some kind of perverted happiness. He makes me happy like a technicolor sunset or a soft baby kitten would. I guess you're saying the choice I have to make is whether or not I can live without a sexual outlet. I take care of myself daily, and although sex with my boyfriend feels like an unpleasant obligation every time it is still intimacy and human contact which is nice. He rubs my back every night. Will that be enough long-term? My libido is off the charts lately, I haven't been with a woman since he and I most recently reconnected in March. Lately I can't even stand next to a pretty girl without feeling her heat radiating from her body. I can't look them in the eye. I don't trust myself. ---------- Post added 20th Sep 2013 at 11:46 PM ---------- It's not fair that it's this complicated for us. I feel like I got punk'd by the universe. I always envied my friends who were gay and proud and seemed so self-aware. Did they all go through this dark, uncertain place or am I a lost cause? Sex might not be everything to me, but it is an act of indulgent perfection in an otherwise dreary existence. Just not sex with men. You sound like you might be asexual.
Above all else- you are YOU and to be loved for that. Respected for that. Loved by yourself. Loved by those you let into your life. Who you love and how is bounded by you and they. NO ONE has the right to judge you or your loves! A truly timeless wisdom of "Know Thyself" is shown in your ^asking^ for the viewpoints of others. I've the deepest empathy for many aspects of the OP query- and those of a few others on this thread. Many, nay- ALL- of us are denied the comfort that Zero Disapproval by society would grant to ALL. The chosen/desired/internally imaged gender/s of self and lovers is often a source of much avoidable anguish. Avoidable. As if only we'd all be blessed with acceptance. Not everyone we feel chemistry with shares the sentiment for countless reasons. Sometimes it's society that wedges us apart from risking our hearts. If my life produces naught other than a Universal Benediction on all honorable loves- my life was worth living. If you honorably love all in your life- including yourself- thence your life is part of that Universal Love becoming closer. Above all else trust in our selves- Doubts are healthy only if kept in perspective:>
