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If you're struggling-

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by addie88, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. addie88

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    I don't know about all of you- from what I've read here, though, it seems like I'm definitely not alone. The process of figuring out my sexuality was not just confusing and tiring....it was obNOXious.

    "Maybe this quiz will tell me I'm gay.

    Maybe this list of lesbian-symptoms will make me certain.

    Maybe if I date another guy I'll figure it out for sure.

    Maybe if I try really hard I can enjoy kissing this boy.

    Maybe I'm attracted to that man because I have "daddy issues."

    Maybe I'm attracted to that girl because I grew up in a household of girls.

    Maybe I don't enjoy sex with guys because these particular ones aren't very good at it.

    Maybe THIS quiz will tell me."

    The questions seemed like they would never stop. And you know what, they actually haven't. They've slowed down- significantly- but they haven't quite stopped.

    You know why? Because we're human beings, and we have this chronic, peace-ruining, sleep-preventing addiction to labels. We snort the words "gay" and "straight," we drink the words "introvert" and "extrovert," we smoke the words "bipolar" and "OCD," and worst of all we shoot up the words "bad" "stupid" "ugly" "worthless" "faggot" "retard" "chink" "whore" and "inferior" into our veins for our brains to absorb and digest. Our vision is colored with the hues of our prescribed labels and our three-letter word of a cage limits our abilities as human beings to fly above and beyond what we want from ourselves.

    Why do we do this? Why do we spend hours upon hours searching for the label that suits us, as if it were the perfect suit or dress that must only be tailored at the waist in order to fit? Why do we think our minds- our MINDS- are as simple as the length in inches of a person's forearm? Why do we insist so forcefully upon demeaning the wonderful complexities of the human brain by handing it to a psychotherapist and saying-

    "Here. Fix it. It's broken."




    We are not cars. We are not clocks. We are not simply a package of bones and muscles and organs, born only to breathe and eat and shit and fuck and reproduce- and then watch our offspring do exactly the same thing. We are here- why? Why are we here? To love each other. We are here to find joy, and to create bonds with others, and to celebrate our ability to see and appreciate beauty in all things.

    Beauty is not confined to one (of the many) genders. Love does not mean sex, gender does not mean genital organ, and sexuality does not mean a choice or a predetermined liking to ONE or the OTHER.

    Sexuality is so complicated and misunderstand- contrary to what most people in society believe, it's not limited to a few labels. So many factors affect who we're attracted to- the person's physical attractiveness, emotional attractiveness, personality, character, body shape, body language, attitude...and on our end, our genetics, neurological and chemical processes, what we need in a partner at the time, what we need in a partner in general, how we bond with people- how can a person ever narrow something so complex and beyond the comprehension of even today's experts, to just a word or two?

    Here's my label. I'm-mostly-lesbian-with-a-chance-of-finding-a-man-attractive-but-not-really-wanting-to-have-an-emotional-relationship-but-possibly-have-sex-with-him-if-I'm-in-the-mood-and-I-predominately-check-out-women-before-I-check-out-men-and-being -in-relationships-with-women-feels-more-natural-but-I-understand-how-having-a-boyfriend-would-be-nice-but-wow-boobs-though.

    "Lesbian" is less of a mouthful, so that's what I tell people. (Plus its root comes from "Lesbos" which I'm pretty sure is that Greek island of beautiful women, and that sounds pretty ok to me, so..)

    Sexuality is ever-changing and non-black-and-white...if you're attracted to guys, great. If you're attracted to girls, great. We label ourselves to try and make the path to finding a partner easier-

    but it defeats the purpose if we spend all this time fighting ourselves and taking those goddamn gay quizzes online, and meanwhile maybe missing the chance of meeting the person who we're meant to be with and to love- man, woman, dog, tree, whatever.



    And no matter where our discoveries lead us, we are not broken- we are beautiful.
     
  2. NouvelleVague

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    If everyone could think this way, I believe that the world would be a far better place to live in :slight_smile: Could you just try and convince every else out there that this is the right way to go ?
    Like, not only the LGTBQ community, but everyone.
    Because it's about that, really. People form groups from these labels we seek, that's how we relate or not to others, mostly, that's how people work. It is very easy, I know from experience, to get into a specific social group if you do 'what they do', if you work on labelling and reflecting a label. It is easy to be a chameleon and go join a small community, because we're social beings. We need not to be alone, it is a need, sadly. And yeah, labels help this process a lot.

    I do agree with you though, and I do wish the world would see thing this very simple way you just described. We wouldn't be fighting to 'fit in' if everyone was seeking to just love and appreciate each others ; there wouldn't be suchs 'closed' groups, and labels wouldn't be needed to help us suit one or the other.

    Now, I don't think that's possible.
    But we've gotta try and change this, one day. Humans have to evolve to something better than this at some point. Come on, I mean, we have brains; we can't just be mean to each other and exclude one or the other, put people into boxes as we do and act differently depending on the boxes.

    Mind you, the good thing about boxes is that once you know how work one box or te other, you can just be whoever you wanna be, as long as you can play the part :wink:
     
  3. greatwhale

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    Awesome thread OP! You have hit the nail squarely on the thumb. I loved your descriptive rendition of our addiction to labels, very, very good!

    I choose "gay" as a label of convenience, knowing full well that it's far more complicated than that, but it's close enough for me. We had richer words and expressions in the past: eccentric, odd, going to the beat of a different drummer, Friend of Dorothy, etc., They just seemed to convey more of the uncertainty and, by misdirection, were deliberately less blunt about sexuality, generally right while trying to avoid being precisely wrong.
     
  4. TribalPancakes

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    This is fantastic more people should think like this and stuff and stuff and potato. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Werbinich

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    Wow, this thread looks like an university thesis.

    I consider myself as gay, since I am tremendously happy with myself and who I am. But I'm not satisfied with the society, knowing that not a lot of people could see things in a less...stereotypical view.
     
  6. The username

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    awesome thread op. I think we spend too much time worrying about labels.
     
  7. Etak

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    Thanks, this was really helpful. I think I did every internet quiz out there before I realized that it wasn't that simple. I thought I was different because I don't feel like any of the labels fit me, but I guess I'm not that strange. Thanks for posting this.
     
  8. lowkey

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    labels can work for some, for others it can't entirely but its still sort of 'there'. its a basic human Function to try and 'make sense' of something that isn't 'labeled' or 'figured out' or 'made sense of yet', this is something learned in psychology.

    so whether people Like it or Not, they will use labels. i think people all know what they feel like there label is, but they realize its a variation of that label, which is why labels can throw people off. each person comes with a unique set of feelings regarding a label, all we can achieve is a label that is 'close enough' .

    but deep down i think everyone has a label for themselves or a good 'idea' of it even if they say ' i dont label my sexuality ' or some lie, its just how far we go to explain it to the people around us - and how far they go to understand
     
  9. LILuke

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    As someone who tried every quiz and useless list in the book I agree 100% with this post! A beautiful message, and something that anyone who is questioning themselves should read. I think you really hit the nail on the head, especially with:

    "Here. Fix it. It's broken."

    Something I still think about myself from time to time. :frowning2:

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all, hopefully this helps a lot of confused people out there.
     
  10. addie88

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    Thanks for the responses guys, I appreciate it
     
  11. saberoffate

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    This is, by far, one of the greatest things I've ever read. This is pretty much how I've always felt, but put into words. Human beings are complex creatures. We're like snowflakes. Not one of us is exactly alike. But one thing we seem to have in common is our love of complicating our lives. We as humans are complex enough without trying to add more on top of what we already have. For me, all you have to do is, in the words of Kate Leth, "Kiss people who make you happy" I applaud you for this fantastic post. Truly, props for being one the greatest human beings man/womankind has ever seen. :slight_smile:
     
  12. mickey1101

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    I absolutely love this post its just awesome, I swear when I first started questioning the biggest fear was the label itself, even now I'm just like "Fuck it, go with the flow". I wish everyone thought like this:slight_smile:
     
  13. NouvelleVague

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    No ! Thanks to you, for this very enlightening thread :slight_smile:
     
  14. iHateThinking

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    This thread was great. You're spot-on with your analysis and explanation.

    It's a coincidence that I happened to come across this thread this evening... I just had a conversation with a classmate about this this morning... I went to explain that "Well, if I really wanted to go in depth, I'd be a cis-female, mentally androgynous, bisexual leaning-towards-women".

    Of course he then proceeded to mislabel... Said I was "Biromantic", which was a misinterpretation of what I said anyway. But I just I said "I can't give an exact term, but I know I like girls".

    It's REALLY complicated and not as simple as people make it out to be.
     
  15. TorreyGlory

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    You win the Internet today, addie88. :slight_smile: