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Prefer gay fantasies, but straight reality. Help?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by QueerThinking, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. QueerThinking

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    Hi everyone.

    So I've been exploring my sexuality for a while now, and I've had experience with both men and women.

    At first, I thought I was 100% gay. But every time I have a sexual encounter with a man I begin to doubt whether that's the case. So I then go for a woman again, and after sexual experience with her, I want a man again!

    So it's back and forth, back and forth!

    I've come to these conclusions:

    Sex with a man, for me, is more difficult and can be painful. I find it really hot, and the idea of gay sex gets me really excited. But being with a woman is generally more pleasurable, although the idea of it doesn't turn me on very much.

    So I'm confused. The idea of being gay is something I've identified with. And gay fantasies get me really excited. But being with a woman is more pleasurable, although it's harder for me to get into the sexual vibe with a woman.

    In some ways, I find my gay desires can only be expressed with a man I really trust. But my straight side can be with practically any girl as long as she's willing and attractive. Although I'm not confident about my sexual abilities with either.

    Anyway, I'm confused as can be. I'm 26 years old now. And until two years ago I thought I was absolutely gay. Now I'm living in a new place and think that maybe I shouldn't pursue my gay desires because I have the chance to reinvent myself a bit. So I could claim to be straight and explore my straight side, because I don't have any really close male friends I could trust enough to explore my gay side with.

    I really don't know. Does anyone feel similarly? What do you all think?
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    Well, physical pleasure isn't about the orientation of the relations, rather the actions of the participants.

    Keeping things PG-13 of course, what usually goes on with you have relations with men? And what specifically is difficult and painful?
     
  3. QueerThinking

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    Well, specifically, bottoming is pretty painful. Again, I really like the idea of it, but the reality of it feels less good than straight up vanilla heterosexuality.
     
  4. PyroSpark

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    Probably bi. Don't worry about it and just fuck who you want. You're stressing over it too much when it's no big deal.
     
  5. Do you have an attraction to women? Do you like them other than sexually? If someone touches you sexually, whether it's a man or a woman I'm sure your body will react sexually. I guess what I mean is who are you "pulled" more to...sexually, romantically, emotionally?
     
    #5 browneyedgirl, Sep 20, 2013
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  6. Gen

    Gen
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    Well, you don't have to bottom if you don't find it enjoyable. There are men that don't top; there are men that don't bottom. Its all about preference. It doesn't seem as though you are actually attracted to women, rather enjoy penetrating more than being penetrated.
     
  7. QueerThinking

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    Generally, I've tended towards crushing on men more easily than women. But I do like women!

    My attraction towards men is like a thunderstorm, where my attraction to women is like walking besides a lake at dawn. Both are amazingly beautiful, but very different. With men, it's passionate, dangerous, and exhilarating. With women its much more calm and beautiful, although it heats up as things go along.

    I am easily attracted to people sexually - it can be anyone, as long as I find them attractive. But romantically and emotionally I've always felt more comfortable with men, more because in my experience so far, the women I have been with have been manipulative, deceitful, or too dependent. I know that I shouldn't let that experience influence the way I see other women, but it's hard not to project that past experience onto them.

    ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2013 at 05:00 AM ----------

    There is some perhaps some insight there Gen. I have yet to actually top.

    I suppose that should be my next experiment :icon_wink