Hey, So I get the whole idea about sexuality being a spectrum, and i think it's a beautiful thing, but i'm just not sure what to equate these feelings to. Ever since i can remember i have always felt different, not in an isolating or bad way, but when i would play with my friends on the playground it just felt like they didnt get it. then as i got into highschool the pressure to get a girlfriend and be in a relationship was IMMENSE, everyone just assumed that i was straight and so did i so i just went along with it and tried to cope. Even though i'd look around and see girls i didnt see them like that, i just didnt get what the big deal was. My friends would talk about asses and breasts and stuff like that and i'd get it, mostly, i'd see them as beautiful, not "sexy". I didnt even feel the need to have agirlfriend, and when i was in my first and only relationship up to this point it felt like a drag showing my feelings, it wasnt that i didnt like her (she's now one of my best friends and i think that she's beautiful) but it just wasnt my nature to see her that way. Now I'm in college and gay is suddenly ok, it's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I really, really want to explore my sexuality and see if gay is for me, but i'm afraid. Not because i'm worried that my friends will all leave me and myfamily will disown me, my friends are super pro-gay and my family (immediate not relatives) would love me just the same. I'm worried that i'll put this label on myself, say that i'm gay and then realize that i'm not. I just really dont know, it's so hard to explain it. And then there are times when i see a girl and all of a sudden it revs up my libido, but it's so rare that it only serves to confuse me... I guess that i just want someone to talk to about this and i dont want to tell my friends yet... anyone's advice or input would be really appreciated!!!
If you're interested in exploring your sexuality, why not label yourself as 'Explorer'and go forward from there? Or take the position that 'labels are for soup cans' and just go forward from there? Basically, if you want to explore be honest about that up front and just go out and do it. Plenty of guys will be happy to 'help' with that, although a certain amount of caution and common sense is called for, both on general principles and to find a guy who will be willing to help you experiment and have a good time. And always play safe of course. After you've explored for a while, maybe revisit the question of what label best applies to you. You may have a better idea by then. Or you may decide that you don't need a label because you're having so much fun without one. Just some thoughts, Todd
