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Utterly Confused, lost, unsure and anything in between! Help!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by addictedtohugs, Sep 23, 2013.

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  1. addictedtohugs

    addictedtohugs
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I am 19 years old and I just started college two weeks ago. This is my first time posting, so bare with me it might be long and seem random and with no train of thought, that is just how confused I am. I have always considered myself to be straight. I have always crushed and dated guys. Granted I have only really dated three guys, and we never got really far, I never felt comfortable enough honestly. A few months ago I met this girl through my college Facebook page, we started talking and texting. I knew she was bi, and I really started to feel interested in her although I hadn't met her. I just really liked her personality. We stopped talking, just cause we both got really busy with school and never had time. I eventually lost interest in her.

    And than I came here to college. And everything got super confusing…

    During our first suite meeting is when I noticed her(totally different girl than before). She was so utterly cute! Sitting there across the room! I didn't realize I was attracted to her. I just kept glancing at her, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. She was never around to hang out with our suite at first; she already had friends at the college. I ended up becoming super great friends with her roommate. She was the first person that I told that I might be bi-curious. And I also ended up telling her that I was crushing on her roommate. I mean how could I not? She is absolutely amazing!! She is super cute, smart, funny and she is the nicest person ever!! I just I am really confused because I have dated and been attracted to guys, although all my relationships have always ended very soon and very badly. They never seemed to last as long as any of my friends when they were dating guys, but the guys I have dated have always been jerks. For one of my ex’s I was really super attracted to him! When we would make out I thought I was enjoying myself, and than BAM he would get super aggressive and I would lose all interest. And than when he would take his shirt off, I mean his chest was awesome. I just didn’t understand what I was supposed to do; I mean there is nothing there to do anything with! I don’t know. I am honestly really confused! And I mean I am still attracted to men, but I don’t know at the same time. I have never kissed a girl though, my gay friends think that is the first thing I need to do to really figure myself out. I mean I guess I can since I have always been comfortable around woman far more than men. Yet I am not sure…

    I guess I should just ask my questions, but there are so many I really don’t know where to start. Honestly I don’t even know if it’s even a question. I just want to know how other people were feeling or are feeling when they were confused or are still confused? And people who have dated men and now are dating women/interested in women what you are feeling, and how did you not know you were interested in women? And how did you realize you were?

    I guess I just really want to know that I am not alone in the whole being confused about having dated men and now interested and want to date a girl thing… I would talk to my gay friends but most of them just kind of knew they were… I just want to figure this out! I can’t handle so much confusion ☹
    Thanks I really appreciate any responses!
     
    #1 addictedtohugs, Sep 23, 2013
  2. paranoidkid

    paranoidkid
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    Lots of people go through this, me personally I went through it. Buy for the wrong reasons. It wasmt because I started feeling attracted to guys. Its something that just happend ONE time when watching porn. And I freaked over it. Little did I know that it was normal and it was litterly NOTHING to be worried about. But I do suffer from ocd, I have my whole life from things like ppl dying, to having an std when I never even had sex. So that plays a part in my worrying. I start judging my orientation off stupid stuff sometimes like "if this song comes on the radio that means im bi sexual" and with coincidence It would happen every once and awhile (LOL). But anyways point being, you always knew u were straight, u liked guys. So what most ppl here would say is your probably more straight. Attraction to guys most likely wont go away. So question here is wondering if ur bi. But im kind of struggling like u, except I dont like any guys and im not attracted to any. But confusion is confusion. Your defiantly not alone, and probably a good majority of your college classmates still have that little wondering or confusion.

    and I also heard that even being attracted to someone of the same sex for one time does not classify you as lesbian pr bi sexual. People before have told me they have been attracted to the same sex before once or so, they still call themselves straight. Another thing is dont look up too much and get overloaded with information. Thats what I did, and trying to take it all in at once is very stressful because of all the different opinions. Then once u take in all that info u try to sort out what you have into those opinions amd not one thing will completely fit you. Mostly because we are all different individuals. Different things turn us on, be it a male or female. Im trying to accept I will never have a true clear answer, because thats just truly how it is for most people, even if they think they are 100% this or that. So your not alone, and eventually u will be more comfortable with not knowing, like I am and its making a clearer picture for me to the point where im about to have a pretty good idea. I call myself straight because that's what I long for, sexual relations with a girl, as well as romantic/emotional.
     
    #2 paranoidkid, Sep 23, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2013
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