So, when I was a kid (8 years old), I had an "experience" with my 6 year old female cousin (I'm female too). She said she had heard about this "thing" from a girl on her bus and that we should do it. I said I didn't want to. She said she wouldn't be my friend anymore if I didn't (and that scared me because I had just lost my best friend and had just changed to a new school). so I did. She had me say things and do things to her. I felt so bad and ashamed. I thought my parents knew and thought I was disgusting. Essentially, it wasn't a good experience, and I am still confused about it at 23. I can't tell if I'm lesbian, want to be, or don't want to be. I feel like it was my fault because I was older. And sexuality seems like a bad thing now. So I'm scared of any sort of sexual anything, including flirting really. So I daydream about movie and book characters where I can control everything and there's no threat of reality. I also have an eating disorder, self harm, and bad body image issues, so that makes it hard too. Does anyone have any early childhood that you feel confused you or added to thoughts on your sexuality or orientation? What did you do to move on? To get over it and have relationships?
well firstly i think you need to seek professional attention immediately. when i read your post you seem to be suffering from the same symptoms rape victims suffer from. if something is preventing you from leading a normal and happy life, then it is not healthy. I'm soryy this happened to you and wish i knew more to tell you. I hope you really do seek help though because you are obviously not happy. please do not feel down on yourself eight is too young for consent in sexual activities and that's probably why you are having issues now. it is not your fault. i wish you the best and utmost happiness.
i think you need to seek some professional help. You need to concern about your safety first before you want to figure anything else. I do believe that childhood does affect to your sexuality, back to the nature vs nurture discussion. I think you are brave enough to ask for help then you are strong enough to seek the professional help
Yeah, I am actually. I just still hold on to things. I have a psychologist, psychiatrist, nutritionist. It's still tough I guess.
One of the most difficult aspects of abusive experiences in childhood is that they stay with us, in part because so much of basic brain function and operation is still happening in the early childhood years. So it's not surprising that this is still affecting you. As your experience shows, it is not the age of the abuser, or even the nature of the abuse, but the power imbalance that is generally the biggest source of damage in these abusive situations. Your situation is a classic abuse situation: Something done against your will, essentially without your (freely-given) consent, under a threat of something that, to a 6 year old, is a very severe punishment. Those are a recipe for a very traumatizing situation that would, likely, stay with you for a long time. Does the therapist you're seeing have extensive training and experience in working with childhood sexual abuse? If not, you really need a therapist who does have that background. It is a specialty area and without extensive knowledge and experience, a regular therapist is not going to be equipped to understand and deal with all of the nuances and related difficulties that go along with childhood sexual abuse. I know abuse survivors who have gone to therapy for many years and never made progress until they finally saw a therapist with specialty training and experience, and at that point, progress in their therapy -- and happiness -- improved dramatically and at a rapid pace. As to what it means about your sexual orientation: There's no one answer. We know that childhood sexual abuse such as you're describing can cause confusion about sexual orientation, and we also know that a disproportionate number of gay and lesbian people were abused as children, but the research does not indicate any causal relationship. (If it did, there would be a lot more gay and lesbian people than there are.) So what you are, as far as orientation, was likely hard wired and unaffected by the abuse, but the abuse may have confused you by creating unpleasant memories or feelings, or even confusion because your body responded in a way that was arousing... which in no way means you enjoyed it, only that a stimulus created a response. How much have you discussed this with your therapist?
I think that experience might have scarred you more than what you think. I know because my aunt used to molest me when I was little. It wasn't until now (17 y/o) that I realized that what she did was horrible and it really affected me. You should tell a friend or seek professional help. /:
I am seeing a therapist, one I finally trust (I've had about 6 or so, who I've never stayed with more than a year or so) and have seen for 2 years. He's an eating disorder therapist. Do you know what kind of different or specialized techniques a therapist with abuse training use in particular? I have told him (my therapist) about what happened, but it's still weird to talk about I guess. Hard to go over details. What's annoying is that I feel responsible because she was 6 and I was 8. She likely had something done to her, and she replayed it on me. So then I feel badly that I didn't realize that, wasn't strong enough to stop it, that I was older than her, etc. I just feel like maybe I don't have the right to feel bad, if she did have something done to her. So it's weird. I don't know. By the way, you seem so knowledgeable on everything, in terms of psychology (correlation, causation)...are you going into a psych career, or in one?
